• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Help with undiagnosed bipolar 2 wife

E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,552
Location
USA
Chris not to be weird but I’ve been thinking like you just keep adding all these positive qualities about yourself like I’m sure you’ll have no problem meeting someone new once you’re ready. Once you added the engineer part before I was actually laughing like what on earth, where do they manufacture these family oriented and sweet engineers? Lol.

Don’t get too down about yourself over all this like I know it’s overwhelming and stuff but don’t forget to keep sight of who you are, especially for your kids. They will be looking to you to learn self esteem and self acceptance.

I have so much trouble putting myself first so I know how hard it is but it’s a worthwhile journey I think.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
Thanks a bunch. I'm not going to say that I dont come with my flaws. I tend to hold my anger in instead of saying what's bothering me. I tend to be a bit lazy at times and can be self centered at times. I tend to be a bit codependent. Sometimes I have a tendency to not listen well enough (easily distracted) I think our relationship did have some problems but I dont think they were worse than any typical marriage that had been together for 6 years. I'm sure there are other flaws that I have but I do my best to reflect on my issues. I did go through my old messages with her and seen where I would tell her how beautiful and kind she was and how much I appreciated her. Everything I've read online to keep a relationship healthy I did 85 to 90 % of what they say.
 
M

MisterMichael

Active member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Tennessee
You are tormenting yourself man. I've done the same thing X4 before and now I am back to where I was at first episode maybe 10 years ago. If I would have insisted and demanded that she get and stay on a Professionally administered program of treatment, 1) Me and my boys would either have moved on or our family would be together now and 2) She would not be 'half out of her head' (no disrespect to the condition) doing God knows what 700 miles away in another state with us here worried out of our senses about her. Just the facts of life and I will get through this but WE will not ever be subjected to this again (just had to stop typing and go break up a fight between my 10 and 12 yr old boys right now- they are hurting and acting out over this ). I will protect their sanity and development at any cost. Got to go now
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
Yea it's hard with kids involved. I just got done with the joint birthday party for my daughter who turned 6 and of course she got mad cuz apparently my family gave her dirty looks and her grandfather is religious and said he wished she would just wake up and see the lord while I was there. She went off on me about how everyone only sees my side and wont listen to hers and how everyone hates her and what not. I said I cant control what they do or say. She was like I just want to move on and be done and over... then she is upset she never gets her kids and it's like that's not my fault you picked this choice to leave them with me and when you have them you hate having them... she is just so all over the place. Idk I'd she is bp2 or just got fed up with life or both but either way I hope she finds this happiness she is searching for.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,552
Location
USA
I hope all that happened after the party 🙈 otherwise I’d say she just lost her future invites
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
Yea it happened at the end of the party. It wad really a very weird party. High tension as both family's stayed very separate and most of my family wouldn't even come cuz they dont even want to be around her. My daughter had fun which was good. And my ex actually took the kids after the party which is good as she seemed like she wanted to spend time with them. But she still blames my schedule for why she doesnt see them often. It's like all you have to do is ask. But it's easier for her to blame me and not feel guilty then it is to actually take the kids and spend time with them. I hope she does learn here soon that life is what you make of it and that just because someone tells you they will give you the world like N did that the butterfly love isnt forever and then things get harder where you actually have to work on things instead of running away. Also being free from responsibility is fun for a time but when she realizes how much of the kids life she is missing out on I think that will sting. When she gets a full time job I think she is going to start realizing just how nice she had it here where she didnt have to work If she didnt want to or could work only 18 hrs to get out of the house. She had choices.
 
M

MisterMichael

Active member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Tennessee
Hello, I don't think you realize just how someone thinks when they are in a manic state. They defy all logic and can be very dangerous. They don't think and act anything like you can imagine. Mine tried to kill my oldest son ( her step son) by burning his mobile home down. This is from a woman that goes to church when well. Doesn't remember doing it. I wouldn't let her near the children without supervision. You read about these things all the time in the news. Bad things. At least until she is out of manic state if she really is bipolar or some other condition. Usually it may be a mixture of these brain disorders. Study up on this stuff. And if she does not have a mental condition then you want to run as fast away from her as you can. Who wants a life like that. These are only my opinions but you are out here seeking answers and I will tell you how I feel.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
The problem is I have no proof that she has anything. I think I see the signs but part of me is just afraid that I see these signs because i want a better answer than she just picked a different guy over me. Idk. Maybe it's just grass is greener syndrome, maybe this guy just seemed like a better fit for her. Maybe she was sick of being a mom and dealing with the monotony of daily life. The only think I know is that she was depressed and now she isnt and also only sleeps for 3 hrs a night which I took for hypo mania but she could just be an insomniac. Well hopefully she will go to the psych and find out for sure either that or in the next few months she will crash into depression again and that will give me a better picture. Who knows anymore. Thanks though for all the advice and help. This has been very helpful for me to process things.
 
M

MisterMichael

Active member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Tennessee
Taking my two boys out for the night to whatever they want to do. We worked all day on an old vehicle here and really got their mind off things. Me, however was sick, desperate and hurt. I never let them sense it. I am getting better and I am slowly pushing any good things about her out of my mind.
----Before I go, try this------ Sit down look out in front of you and imagine a giant picture screen. Visualize where people are on that screen and take notice. Probally -- usually-- your babies and loved ones are up and to the left - --- Notice where an enemy is and right now I can imagine who that is--- Try this- probally down to the left. Your unique screen may be entirely different- figure it out.
You can start moving the woman that is giving you all this trouble to the spot where your enemies are. Just visually force her picture to the area of people that you don't like. Try this-- Some people can't do this but being an engineer you should be able to figure this out-- Powerful procedure to move someone out of your inner circle and out of your life. Dump her. Work on this and you will be amazed at the results. God Bless
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
That was actually extremely effective at least temporarily so far. Was hard to come up with "enemies" though lol. Not many ppl I've met that I've truly despised. Maybe 3 in my whole life. Most ppl I enjoy or can atleast tolerate.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,044
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
This sounds like textbook bipolar I. not 2. the difference is the mania, which I have no doubt she is spinning in right now. I have bipolar 1 also. The last worst mania I had...I don't remember anything for a period of 2 weeks. Being suicidal is just as crazy as sleeping only 1/2 the night and making unsound choices. bizarre ones sometimes. I consider both poles as being psychotic. It took awhile to find the correct meds to keep me stable but not zombied. I suggest you spend your time on personal boundaries rather than talking with her and trying to understand the unexplainable. Forget about will this work or not for now. Deal with what is in front of you as it comes and come from a place of reason. Reasonable boundaries that you really will hold to. Not ultimatums. The boundaries are for the best for all of you. Sometimes it is scary to say no, but it can be so very powerful and makes your yes meaningful. Please refuse to listen to anything about her affair. That is pretty f'ed up, don't you think? (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
I hope everything works out as you hope it does.I still think she is showing addict behavior,especially pawning things for money,abandoning you and the kids,all of it sounds so much like a person caught up in addiction and not caring about anything else.

It is possible for her to be an addict without you ever knowing or suspecting it.

It's possible she's just been telling you BS about wanting to be with you,needing help,etc.,because of course she is going to say what you want to hear.

It's possible she is mentally ill.

There's so many possibilities.

Whatever is going on you need to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario instead of magical thinking that she will be diagnosed,get on meds and you will live happily ever after.
Yes, pawning things definitely is a huge red flag for a drug addiction.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
I really think the pawning was so that she could afford her truck payment and gas etc. She makes minimum wage and 18 hrs per week and her truck payment is 350 a month. She knows that money is going to be tight with this new kid.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,078
Location
USA
Yes, pawning things definitely is a huge red flag for a drug addiction.
I agree with that,it's a huge red flag.Not only that but this entire story here sounds so typical when someone becomes an addict.

I don't know much about Bipolar but does it just begin or develop so suddenly out of the blue?Or is it something that gradually develops or signs are shown for years?

Drug addiction can also mimic mental illness.My son was diagnosed with schizophrenia by a psychiatrist but it turned out to be a misdiagnosis,he was actually doing bath salts.That's what was causing his behavior.Some drugs can mimic the mania of Bipolar too such as crack or meth.

Chris I don't know what's going on with your wife but it does sound like drugs to me.Not all drug addicts look or act like you might be imagining in your mind.

But like I said,I dont know much about Bipolar.I'm interested in hearing how and when it develops though
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,552
Location
USA
I’m not 100% sure without checking but bipolar is a mood disorder like depression and I think a person would have a propensity to develop it and would show outward signs when under chronic stress or following a trauma.

Like you could just have it sort of all the time from your genetic disposition or upbringing/ past experiences.

Or a stressor could make it sort of kick in later in life.

I’m going to guess that women’s hormones may also make it possible for these things to appear at different stages of life. Especially since you mentioned post-partum symptoms before. I know your kid is three but I guess that could linger or reappear following the first major episode.
 
Top