• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Help with undiagnosed bipolar 2 wife

Hellakat

Hellakat

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 10, 2019
Messages
49
Location
New York
Okay that’s good. If you stick to being honest about you expectations then enough said. You deserve true happiness and I hope you get it either way. Good luck
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
I mean anything is possible. She could have gotten into drugs but I would really be shocked to find that out. I dont know how I could find out though unless the management job she is going to try and get drug tests. When she lived here I had a pretty good handle on the finances so I dont think she was wasting money but then again she could have gotten it from N. Who knows. I agree that the chance of this working out is very low. It just sux cuz I thought we had a good life going and for her to ditch it for this kid. Even to just abandon her kids but If she never comes around then I guess it's her loss. Our kids are amazing and so cute. My daughter is one of the smartest kids in her class and my son is so cute that whenever we go anywhere everyone comments on how cute he is. They are really great kids and she is going to miss out on the most important time in their life.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,457
Location
USA
You should take a break and do something special with them today like take them to park or something. I’m sure you do that anyway it just seems like it’d be beneficial to you as well.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
I would but tonight my mother in law took them. Since my wife no longer wants to watch them during the day my family has stepped up as child care has been a pain to figure out. Right now my mother watches them Monday and Wednesday. My gma watches them Tuesday and Thursday. And my wife's mother watches them on Friday. It's a mess but so far is working.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,457
Location
USA
Aw that’s really sweet.
 
M

MisterMichael

Active member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Tennessee
Hey Man, I am going to be blunt and maybe harsh but I think you need to hear this. Whatever happens, life will go on for all and time will heal you. Evidently something very wrong is going on and the only one that can fix it is her. Need to get her evaluated and make your choices. If she truly has a mental illness there are experts trained to help and get her to where she can be "stable" whatever that might mean. She may not like it but there are many people that have learned to 'maintain' as we use to say in the Navy. This seems to be your first rodeo with her and I would also give her a chance to recover. Wait til the smoke clears and give her a choice and mean it. However, don't be like some of us that have lived on the edge for years and had every imaginable lies possible said about you. You might get caught up in one and lose control your precious babies for a season of neglect that will affect them the rest of their lives. The choice must be that she will accept and adhere to professional help (with the side effects) or you must shut her out. Under what circumstances would you treat her the way you are being treated. I guess never. You must keep your dignity and self respect to be healthy and happy for your kids. Love is blind and this is a nightmare that no one wants. You seem intent on riding this storm out and I probally would also. BUT draw a line in the sand and don't look back if it comes to that. You will start to feel better and your children probally have a propensity to have problems themselves and research says environment may play a role in triggering these medical conditions. PROTECT those babies of yours all all costs.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
Thanks Michael, I dont mind the blue t and harsh response. Sometimes that's the beat medicine. I really do care for her alot but everything is so up in the air right now and I'm focusing to much on the what ifs which stinks. I mean it could be drugs I'd say 10% chance, could be bp2 I'd say 65% chance based on the signs, it could be that she just had enough of the life id say 25% or it could be a combo of it all. I know that when things were going down I acted the exact opposite of the way you are supposed to act in the situation and became clingy I dont want to lose you please dont go and allowed her to walk all over me because she is the mother to my kids and I was hoping to just drag it on long enough to get her help. I'm done being walked on though. She made this choice regardless of what caused this and if she wants to fix it then so be it but she needs to be determined. I think she is going to snap too and stay into the relationship with this guy though but I think eventually she will get sick of his crap and it will be interesting to see how it plays out but idk maybe he will make her way happier then I ever did. Idk. I just wish there was a make this easier to deal with button as this has sucked beyond belief. And I'm tired of the up and down emotions. I rotate between I want her back to I dont want her back to content the way things are back to angry and want to kill this kid then depressed for my feelings of what I want to do to him... I'm really fighting the urge to use a fake number to txt him and tell him she is cheating on him with J the guy living there just to put doubt in his head or tell J girlfriend who lives there that he was sexting my wife to cause drama but I know that solves nothing and would be bad karma. But in a way I want to make his life suck as he prayed on here as he met me and knew I wasnt a mean or cruel guy to her. He slowly wiggled his way in like a slimy worm. But I know deep down there was a whole in our relationship that allowed that to happen so some of the blame is on me.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,457
Location
USA
Honestly shit will eventually hit the fan in the living situation she’s in, so rest assured that you won’t need to help stir anything up.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
Yea I know I cant imagine what it's like in that house. Oh well, I just cant believe how much I lucked out. My ex could have taken the house, the kids, i could have no family to help me through. I could not have found you guys to help me through. Things were dark there for awhile but when it comes to this situation I really could have walked out much worse. If things never work out between her and I then atleast I got to love her for the time I did. And I will love again I'm sure. I got 2 beautiful kids out of it. So much to be thankful for.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
Omg now she is mad at me because I dont tell her where the kids go when I have them cuz her mom picked up my daughter for a bit. Then she is mad that she doesnt see them ever... it's like just ask. You asked for 1 day on Wednesday for 3 hrs... now she says she is done and doesnt ever want the kids and I can go be the perfect dad and she will just be the dead beat baby donor.... God she is so lost and out of it. Its so hard to stay civil and explain to her that this is not an easy situation especially when everything is my fault. It's my fault she cheated, I pushed her to leave, I took her kids away its like these are all choices you made...
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
I feel like I have to treat her like a toddler cuz she just blows up over everything now and I have to just de-escalate it cuz it's always my fault. I swear I hope whatever she is going through gets better soon cuz this is tiresome. I know I dont have to calm her down and I could be like shove it based on what she did to me but at the same time I feel like I should atleast be civil. Especially till the divorce papper work is done
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,457
Location
USA
But it was her own mom who had them. You didn’t do anything wrong and props for keeping calm.
 
M

MisterMichael

Active member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Tennessee
Cut her off and see how she responds. What you are doing is not working. A scarce commodity is more valuable. If you are an unlimited resource and always there to receive and respond to her then you are a commodity that has little value. But you must mean it and she will sense it. It gives you great power to deal with someone when you know what you are going to do. I am finally getting some emotional relief when I decided to cut my estranged wife off and doing things to suit me. We might get back together( I doubt it) but I am going forward and getting my divorce finalized. get the restraining order and keep this crap away from your children - I did. WHAT IS BEST for the children? Mine will get to talk to boys on phone at pre- arranged times and she absolutely can't have their phone numbers. They are just as upset as you are and you are the only one that can minimize it. Parenting plans require you to give the other parent access to children and you will regret if you don't. It doesn't mean letting them go anywhere around her new boyfriend. Google divorce laws in your state and become expert in them. Re-focus this pain on getting everything in order on to control the divorce if it goes to that. Understand how you must document her behavior and get all your ducks in a row. Let it sink in and actually know and feel how it's going to be with out the family unit you are desperately trying to salvage. I use to answer phone and talk to mine but I will now let boys answer and she will have to ask for me - she left - I am right where I have always been. Hard thing to do. I know / I'm telling you how to deal with something when you are the one in it. But get a grip and set your house in order the way you want it or you will be spinning your wheels for a long time - However - if she really is sick in mind, you have to consider that but it can't be an excuse for how your future together will be.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
68
Location
New york
That's my plan soon. I def am not as available as I once was but I'm trying my best to be in a position to get her into the psych which is on the 29th. I just need her to find out if it is bp2 or something else. Like I said my fear is that if she crashes into depression that she may hurt herself and I k ow that's not my fault but atleast I did my best. If she isnt bp2 then i will cut contact to a minimum and move on. Honestly i will probably do that even if she is bp2 as she needs to have lost me as a consequence. Who knows what the future will bring but all I know is everyday I feel like my old self and I dont ever want to go through this again as it shook me to my core. Watching my kids cry and knowing there is nothing I can do about it... I wont subject them to their mom walking out again so if she wants back in then she is going to prove herself hard. I will stand strong for them. And if I have to I will move on. I'm finding out I'm kind of a hot commodity in this town. I'm fit, young, attractive, and im an engineer, and extremely caring.
 
C

Char89

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Sheffield
Hi Chris.

This sounds so much like BP2. I highly doubt its drug addiction. Around 9 months ago I started working with someone who I became very close to. He admitted feelings for me and I felt the same. He told me he was bipolar which not many people seem to know despite him knowing some other colleagues/friends for years. We talked constantly, arranged dates, he even helped me get a job in his team. He was caring, lovely, had high morals, hated the idea of adultery, funny, charming. He sometimes withdraws but if I ask him if I've done anything he will say its the bipolar and everything gets overwhelming at times, but he will stay in touch, even though its mainly negative thoughts during that time. He seems to fear losing people and gets agitated and anxious. Anyway round about the start of March (common hypomania season) he became different. He was over chatty at work, loud, inappropriate, talking about porn and sex in a law firm. He started emailing girls in the firm and flirted massively with one who was married, all in front of my face. He talked about other girls and how he had dreamed about them. He's exercising loads too. Distracted at work and not doing all that much. Fixated on bonuses only. I cut him off as I was so hurt maybe 3 weeks ago. He noticed obviously and he up scaled the flirting with other women. Then I noticed him start to calm a bit and be less chatty maybe a week ago. Then on Sunday he reached out, sent a message saying he hoped I was well and asked a work question. We chatted a bit, and the next day we chatted more and he said his mind is blowing up because a friend, guy he's known 20 years, has blocked him on social media. So I think he has hurt a few people during this phase and not just myself. He doesn't seem to understand how he has upset everyone. He was back to normal for a few days then Friday a bit manic again and hasn't messaged last few days. This manic stage is likely to go on a bit longer but you can see the severity getting lesser. While in this stage though, it seems current relationships are seen as boring or maybe they don't want to hurt the person and feel cutting them out on favour of strangers is easier.
His opinions are so different to those he usually has and his interests are different.
It's definitely not him but sometimes that cut off and letting them know that something has hurt you badly does work. It will only work to an extent as they are not themselves at this time. It's a waiting game.
Look after yourself in the meantime and I'm sure in a few months you may tell a different story. I really don't think they know how much they are hurting people during these stages.
 
Top