Help with undiagnosed bipolar 2 wife

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Chris3141

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#1
Hi everyone, this is new to me but I've been having a really tough time with all of this. My soon to be ex wife I believe is undiagnosed bipolar 2. We have been married for 6 years but when I met her she was the girl of my dreams. We have 2 kids together 6 and 3. We have had our ups and downs but overall I'd say a fairly healthy relationship other than some post partum depression (or atleast so we thought after my 3yo). Over Christmas and January we had a really good time with lots of smiles. Things went down hill when my daughter had 2 weeks off from school and my wife always had a really tough time with this, she always gets so easily agitated with my kids. She then made a really weird comment about how it would be interesting to sleep with other ppl. I thought this was really weird and looked into her fb account. I found that she was sexting a guy we will call him J. I confronted her and she broke down saying she didnt want to do anything but the idea intrigued her. Over the next few days she expressed the desire but that it wasnt a 100 have to have. I had problems with this but tried to understand. She then got mad that I searched her fb and told me age was going to hang out with a different guy friend. I had a problem with this but she was mad and said she needed it. This guy "N" lives with J. So this kept going on for a few weeks and she kept saying that she loves me and isnt going to leave. I then caught her telling J he could come over and what ever happens happens... I confronted her again and she broke down again saying she loves me so much and I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her. And that she thinks something is wrong with her and that she doesnt understand why she has the desire to be sexual and dishonest and that she needs professional help. After this she started talking alot to N and it seemed like an emotional affair was building. I kept asking her to stop, but she wouldn't stop talking to him, as he is now her bf (known him for 6 months). I then got us into counsling. 2 days later she then cheats with N. He is 6 yrs younger, has anxiety and depression and only ever wanted a GF as he only had 1 in his life. He is fairly strange and also has a crappy job. She then told me she didnt know who she wanted... I then talked with her and she decided to pick N over me and her kids. She then said I made her choose. Now she is giving me custody of the kids and the house and only wants to see the kids 1. She now hates me at random times and is friendly at others, sleeps only 3 hrs a night (never looks tired) and is going out all the time. She says things that dont make since like I never see my kids and then says put the kids in daycare so i dont have to watch them so I can get a 40 hr job. She also flips on things she said and stated that those txt messages were mo the old. They were only 2 weeks old. She sometimes starts talking really fast but only late at night and says she is the happiest she has been in awhile and no longer depressed or having mood swings. It's been hell cuz I love her so much but cant believe she is making these choices. I now see a pattern in our life of low depression and hatred for herself and then ups where she would get energetic need little sleep, and want to go do things when she was naturally abit lazy. I did finally convince her to see a psych cuz I'm really worried about her even if it doesnt help our relationship but atleast for my kids. Last thing to is it's all about her feelings. When my son balled his eyes out I miss my mom all she cared about was to tell me she was mad at me for not listening to her earlier. This has been the hardest time in my life...
 
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Chris3141

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#2
My issue is I'm to caring. This relationship has been tough but God do I love her. I feel lost now that she has left. We have had so many good times together but I'm kicking myself for not seeing her issues sooner. She had admitted to me on multiple occasions that she wished she was dead so that she couldnt hurt ppl anymore. Once after I caught her sexting J... I'm afraid that if she is BP2 that when she comes down from the hypomania that she is going to see the destruction she caused and harm herself. That's why I'm trying so hard to get her into see a psych. I believe her typical hypo cycle is about 2 or 3 months so if she started in March that would be around June so I have time to get her on medication if she agrees. Idk if she will agree though as she thinks she is fine now that she is away from the kids. I just cant believe any same person would give up her house, her kids, and a loving husband with a good job (engineer) for a kid who is 21 and had depression and a crappy job and lives in a house with 4 other ppl. Just to be free and finally live like an adult (her words).
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#3
Her behavior and her actions don't necessarily have to be a mental illness.It honestly sounds like maybe drug abuse or addiction to me.I guess I say that because I have seen it happen so many times,the drugs take over and become number one.

Even if she does have a mental illness it's not an excuse for cheating.It might make it easier in your mind but in reality it's still just an excuse.Sorry.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#4
I'm sorry,I re-read what I wrote and I sound so harsh and insensitive.I didn't mean to sound that way.

I just felt so upset for you when I read your posts.You sound so caring and despite everything you are still trying to be understanding.You must be really extremely hurt and confused over all of this and my heart goes out to you.
 
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Yodagirl

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#5
Hi everyone, this is new to me but I've been having a really tough time with all of this. My soon to be ex wife I believe is undiagnosed bipolar 2. We have been married for 6 years but when I met her she was the girl of my dreams. We have 2 kids together 6 and 3. We have had our ups and downs but overall I'd say a fairly healthy relationship other than some post partum depression (or atleast so we thought after my 3yo). Over Christmas and January we had a really good time with lots of smiles. Things went down hill when my daughter had 2 weeks off from school and my wife always had a really tough time with this, she always gets so easily agitated with my kids. She then made a really weird comment about how it would be interesting to sleep with other ppl. I thought this was really weird and looked into her fb account. I found that she was sexting a guy we will call him J. I confronted her and she broke down saying she didnt want to do anything but the idea intrigued her. Over the next few days she expressed the desire but that it wasnt a 100 have to have. I had problems with this but tried to understand. She then got mad that I searched her fb and told me age was going to hang out with a different guy friend. I had a problem with this but she was mad and said she needed it. This guy "N" lives with J. So this kept going on for a few weeks and she kept saying that she loves me and isnt going to leave. I then caught her telling J he could come over and what ever happens happens... I confronted her again and she broke down again saying she loves me so much and I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her. And that she thinks something is wrong with her and that she doesnt understand why she has the desire to be sexual and dishonest and that she needs professional help. After this she started talking alot to N and it seemed like an emotional affair was building. I kept asking her to stop, but she wouldn't stop talking to him, as he is now her bf (known him for 6 months). I then got us into counsling. 2 days later she then cheats with N. He is 6 yrs younger, has anxiety and depression and only ever wanted a GF as he only had 1 in his life. He is fairly strange and also has a crappy job. She then told me she didnt know who she wanted... I then talked with her and she decided to pick N over me and her kids. She then said I made her choose. Now she is giving me custody of the kids and the house and only wants to see the kids 1. She now hates me at random times and is friendly at others, sleeps only 3 hrs a night (never looks tired) and is going out all the time. She says things that dont make since like I never see my kids and then says put the kids in daycare so i dont have to watch them so I can get a 40 hr job. She also flips on things she said and stated that those txt messages were mo the old. They were only 2 weeks old. She sometimes starts talking really fast but only late at night and says she is the happiest she has been in awhile and no longer depressed or having mood swings. It's been hell cuz I love her so much but cant believe she is making these choices. I now see a pattern in our life of low depression and hatred for herself and then ups where she would get energetic need little sleep, and want to go do things when she was naturally abit lazy. I did finally convince her to see a psych cuz I'm really worried about her even if it doesnt help our relationship but atleast for my kids. Last thing to is it's all about her feelings. When my son balled his eyes out I miss my mom all she cared about was to tell me she was mad at me for not listening to her earlier. This has been the hardest time in my life...
I’m so sorry you and the children are going through this! I have bipolar 1 disorder and take a mood stabilizer and it’s like a miracle for me. Would definitely say she should see a psychiatrist for them to diagnose her and get her whatever treatment she needs. Again I’m so sorry😕 here if you need someone to talk to.
 
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Chris3141

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#6
Thanks, it has been rough. I dont really know if I'm just throwing bipolar against her because I want there to be a better reason then just her running away from responsibilities. It's just everything happened so fast. Christmas we were all smiles and I love yours to boom she is off with another man. In many ways it seems like walk away wife syndrome because she says that one of my issues is I didnt take charge and plan dates. We had dates but they were always spontaneous and not really planned out on my part. Plus she is a planner and always two weeks ahead of me. Something does make me think she is bipolar but I really dont know if that's what caused this or just helped push her over the divorce edge. She is typically very logical and thinks things through and during all of this her decisions just make no sense. I just love her to much... idm it's been 2 weeks since she left but just when I think I'm fine it's like crushing depression again. I think today was the worst so far. I know I need to step up for my two little ones since right now she isnt going to but it's hard to keep them smiling when I feel like my soul mate is gone... also I just found out my mom is bipolar as she has never told any of her children till now and she does believe my wife has something going on. It's just when I caught her on March 14 sexting she said I was the greatest thing that has ever happened to her. It's like how do you go from that to cheating 2 weeks later... it just doesnt make since.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#7
Could she be using drugs?Heavy duty drugs?
 
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Chris3141

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#8
I mean to list off some of the symptoms I have noticed, she definitely goes through periods of little sleep. Typically 3 to 4 hrs. She told me that she is going through that now. She seems to lose empathy, like when my son cried or when. She came over and told me about her dates and xxx life with her new bf (normally you get a feeling like they are trying to hurt you but she was telling me like I'm a friend) she seems to have re-written history like our relationship has been bad for awhile. Just 4 months ago I asked her how we were and she said we were good (normally my wife is very honest, almost hurtful honest). The hyper sexuality with sexting and then saying she didnt understand why she had the feelings to be sexual and dishonest. She has complained alot about depression over the years and frequently would say that she wished she wasnt here any more cuz of how bad the kids bothered her. She also gets massive headaches when depressed which I read can be common. She does spend alot of money but not grossly. And seems to hold a job. She has a very quick temper though most of the time. I really hope she follows through with the psych though. I really am afraid that if she is manic when she comes down into depression and realizes what she has done that it could be bad.
 
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Chris3141

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#9
And I dont think drugs are it. She isn't very street smart so I dont think she would even know where to get them. She was doing pot that she got from our neighbor but she said she quit once she moved in with this guy cuz it doeant help her sleep anymore. She did it at night to help get better sleep but only for like 3 or 4 months
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#10
I hope I haven't offended you by asking if she is using drugs.It's just that drugs like heroin,meth,crack,etc completely change people.And sometimes they can keep their usage hidden for quite a long time.All it takes is one friend getting them to try it and then there ya go,they like it,keep using it and become a completely different person.
 
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Yodagirl

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#11
I hope I haven't offended you by asking if she is using drugs.It's just that drugs like heroin,meth,crack,etc completely change people.And sometimes they can keep their usage hidden for quite a long time.All it takes is one friend getting them to try it and then there ya go,they like it,keep using it and become a completely different person.
Yes, that happened with my brother, just a completely different person!
 
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Chris3141

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#12
I hope that's not the case but I guess I really dont know. And no I'm not offended. I'm open to all advice. I just really hope that's not the case as that puts my kids at even more risk.
 
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Yodagirl

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#13
I hope that's not the case but I guess I really dont know. And no I'm not offended. I'm open to all advice. I just really hope that's not the case as that puts my kids at even more risk.
Are the kids unsupervised with her at any time? With the mental state she’s in,I definitely wouldn’t do that for the safety of the children.
 
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Yodagirl

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#14
Is she currently a danger to herself or others? If so getting her committed is an option, there she will see a psychiatrist and they can treat her.
 
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Chris3141

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#15
The house she moved into has 4 other ppl living there. N her new Bf, J her sexting friend plus his gf, and N brother. She doesnt seem to be a danger to them but right now she only sees them for like 3 hrs a week. She seems to want to see them but just never asks for them. I think its cuz right now she is working alot to try and afford her stuff plus when she is free she is going out bowling and ice skating etc all the time with her bf. She never seemed to want to do that stuff with me she just wanted to chill on the couch and watch TV. Plus they are supposedly looking at apartments but she said they were planning on a 1 bdrm which I told her she wouldn't be able to have the kids stay and she seemed shocked but said ok...
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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#16
I hate to say it but I suspect she's into drugs with her bf.I could be wrong of course but it sure sounds familiar.
 
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Chris3141

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#17
Also I should mention that her aunt was diagnosed with BP and her family believes that her great grandma suffered from some kind of mental health problem. I will say though that now that I know the symptoms I have realized that she would seem to go through periods of high energy and less sleep and then periods of laziness and regular sleep. This has been going on for atleast 2 yrs or more. I never really noticed it before. Also when she gets deep into the no sleep pattern some nights she would talk a mile a minute and wouldn't stop. I sometimes would fall asleep on her and she would get so mad.
 
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Chris3141

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#18
I just know that if she is bipolar that this is a life long thing she is going to have to deal with and she is going to need someone who knows her well by her side. I have loved her since the moment I met her but this kid barely knows her. I cant believe this relationship is going to work out. This kid has abandonment issues as his mom and dad left him to be raised by his siblings and anxiety. The other day he had a anxiety attack cuz he wanted to play his video games but didnt want to ignore her... she would have slapped me for that but thought it was cute. She was telling me way to much info I finally told her she needs to stop...
 
N

Nina998

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#19
Chris I am sorry you have to go through all that. That is lot to take for one person. You seem so responsible and decent guy I feel bad this happened to you.

Some suggested that your ex would be on drugs. If she's not streetwise like you said there could be possibility that her new young boyfriend is supplying her. Abandon her kids like that absolutely tells something huge is going on.

I don't want to reject the drug theory because it sounds logical but I just want to say to you Chris that bipolar disorder really can also change a person. I have done some terrible and unwise things when I have been manic. Many of them have related to relationships like getting engaged after dating a guy some weeks or recently having an affair with a female. I am happily married and a mother of three but my illness makes me do some seriously stupid stuff.

You don't know me or can compare your ex to me but I just wanted to say it could be a mental illness that is making her act like that.

All the best x
 
L

Lunar Lady

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#20
Chris, just wanted to make you aware of another member, Mister Michael, who is going through exactly the same scenario as you with his bipolar wife.

Look for his thread 'Bipolar Help'...somebody more computer savvy than me will provide you with the link.

Occurred to me you might be able to draw strength from each other.

Lots of love xxx
 
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