Help with thoughts....

[Matthewr040989]

Hello

I am bipolar 1.

Recently friends and family have been acting strange around me. I lived a terrible lifestyle un medicated for the last few year. Refusing help and drinking, drugs and womanizing.

The last three month I have been On mirtazepine then on to Olanzipine.

I came clean with my issues and tried to get therapy and medication, but with covid it's been limited.

Anyway I'm clean and sober and taking my meds. But people have been acting quite harsh to me.

My partner found out some how about my womanizing, but instead of asking directly she just hints with the women's names. Now she is quoting me from private calls I have had. When I pull her up she just says it's all in my head. I have asked if she wants to end it, but point blank refuses to address it. "Its all in your head"

Now I had a SIM card for a new phone, but it's dissaprared. "Must of got lost" also today my medication is missing, it's quite a bit wrapped but it's gone.

I had a suicide attempt last year and a few weeks ago, I ran out the house suicidal after a bad dream with the intention to end my own life. It all blew over and I have been trying to hold my chin up. By she has mentioned suicide, even put an implement for harm in a bed next to me and played a song off her phone quickly, the song had mentions of losing your mind.

Am I just joining dots that arnt there or is there something.

I know it might be a weak explanation, but she's never been like this before.

Thanks In advance

 

[hopeful_and_bipolar]

this sounds like a pretty toxic relationship, I find since people often look at bipolar people as dangerous or as people who need to avoided that I hang onto relationships because i feel lucky that just even one person can 'tolerate' me. I am trying to learn to let go of people who don't understand or refuse to even if it leaves me alone. if I was you I would ask my partner what they think the disorder for me entails and see if they actually understand my behaviour.

 

[Matthewr040989]

Hello thanks for your input.

As for understanding bipolar, she's well educated on it by now.

My missing medication... I showed her the empty box, we had a look for the actual medication, nothing.... Then it appears in a bin already checked back in the box.

Now if it's not her I must of lost the plot, as the meds appeared in the bin today.

I have asked her if she wants to end it, but she says no.

I'm pretty sure she got access to my FB etc. As she hints at things I did un medicated and drunk, from months ago. It's just wiping me out.

 

[Zero One]

I think it is fair to tell her what you did openly if you haven't already. I know when we cheat we have great fear letting them know for various reasons or maybe we don't have fear and simply do not want to tell them for various reasons, but they need to know for their safety as well.

 

[Zero One]

I also think you should consider what your feelings are, whether or not you want it to be over. A lot of times we torture the hell out of our own souls by staying with people who hurt us, and then our minds switch reasoning...like a form of insanity, and we find ourselves doing things we promised ourselves from childhood that we would not do.