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Help with my bipolar GF

B

BQK

New member
Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Chicago
We’ve been together 1-1/2 years, but nothing has worked for her BPD. Ketamine, ECT, medicine, you name it. She has broken up with me countless times and moved out twice. On Thursday she packed her bags and out of the blue left. Said she’s not in love with me — 6 hours later she was gone.

This happened around the same time last year — saying I pressured her to tell me her feelings, today saying I gaslighted her because I loved and missed her. She threatened a restraining order when I’ve done nothing wrong.

She said she often hears voices, has tried to kill herself or been hospitalized several times. She also stopped eating thinking that was a good way to die. I’m at a loss bc I truly love her. She’s said I keep her from having friends but yet she’s never tried to make them. She’s said I gaslighted her and was emotionally abusive and wanted to take out a restraining order against me. Today I texted her and asked how she’s doing. She said “terrible.” Question is, do people with BPD often cycle at the same time of year? I feel like this happens with her four times a year. I also worry bc she has an eating disorder so I’m sure she’s not eating. Do I leave her alone?
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Well you don't want to end up with a restraining order, bipolar does happen in cycles, if you are concerned for her safety I would ask the mental health team for advice in my country we have crisis line to call
 
B

BQK

New member
Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Chicago
Well you don't want to end up with a restraining order, bipolar does happen in cycles, if you are concerned for her safety I would ask the mental health team for advice in my country we have crisis line to call
Thank you so much. She thinks she is remission. Maybe she is. But I know it won’t last. I’ve blocked her from my phone. I know she can email me, and her mom has my number. Am I worried for her safety? Of course I am. But she just up and left in one day, so she had obviously been thinking about it. Do people with BPD lie? She has told so many that I have lost count!
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Definitely, just remember that she is not in her right mind at the moment and people that suffer bipolar do make rash decisions during an episode. I really feel for you, it's very heartbreaking
 
B

BQK

New member
Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Chicago
I asked her yesterday not to make any rash decisions. Then she signed an apartment lease. She has tried to work but ends up in a downward spiral. I figure I need a break and she needs to see what it’s like on her own. Is that best to do?
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
It is completely your choice, if you were married, I would say stick around and see her through it, my husband did that for me. But, I guess all you can do is support her if she reaches out to you. It is so exhausting, mentally to care for someone with bipolar, and you mentioned you need a break, I think that is taking care of your own needs. The last thing that you want is for yourself to crumble. It's completely your decision, but the nature of bipolar, is that it is very unpredictable, there is no way of knowing what's going to happen next. She sounds like she may be in the manic phase, and always after a high period, there comes a depression after it. That's what my psychiatrist told me years ago. I'm now well, symptom free and med free, so it's good to be able to share my experience. I hope that it does help in some way
 
B

BQK

New member
Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Chicago
We are not married. But I was so hurt when I found out she signed a lease. She had told me repeatedly she had no plans to move — including this past week. Then BOOM. She thinks only of herself but I have loved her since I met her, and I know she loves me. She claims she’s not “in love” and that’s a problem for her. I explained there are many phases of love .she didn’t care. Anyway, she’s blocked and I told her to leave me alone. She was hospitalized in January for major depression. Her psychiatrist claims she’s in remission, but I feel like the manic phase is always followed by the downward spiral and then she’ll be knocking on my door for support. Or maybe not. Maybe remission exists.
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
It's such a confusing time for you, but you are doing the right thing by seeking help. Good on you
 
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Nixieplonx

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 24, 2011
Messages
351
Location
Teesside
Bipolar can DEFINITELY be seasonal. Mine certainly is: depression in the autumn and winter, mixed state / anxiety in early spring and mania in the summer. And knowing my pattern has made it so much easier to manage my symptoms because I can anticipate my mood changes and tweak my medication throughout the year.

Changes in the amount of daylight we are exposed to can affect a lot of people, not just in bipolar. Sunlight leads to increased production of vitamin D and, in turn, serotonin, which is your natural antidepressant. So the lack of daylight (and reduced serotonin levels) in the winter can lead to seasonal affective disorder.

Not everyone's bipolar is seasonal, of course, but it's definitely worth considering in your gf's case as you've noticed a potential annual fluctuation. When she's feeling better and more stable, perhaps you could suggest this to her? Ask her to look back to when she's felt her best and worse over the years and see if she can identify a seasonal pattern? Might not be the case but the more tools you both have to help her manage this awful illness the better!

Btw you sound awesome BQK. She's very lucky to have such a supportive partner! :cool::)
 
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