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Help with abandonment anxiety

C

Carrieeee

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2015
Messages
3
Hi. I'm a 27 year old woman with severe anxiety in relationships related to abandonment. Every relationship I've been in has failed. My current relationship is failing. This is due to my abandonment anxiety.

I have extremely low self-esteem, I believe every person I'm with will leave me for someone better. I convince myself that the person I'm with will cheat on me or end things with me.

With my current partner, the smallest insignificant things on social media hurt me and cause me to over think and panic, eg a female I don't know 'liking' my boyfriend's posts or pictures and vice versa. I automatically break down and start obsessing that he's cheating on me.

I obsessively check his Facebook, instagram and other social media in order to 'catch' him out. I can't seem to stop myself. It's like I hAve to do this, to prove he's a cheater.

I have tried asking him who the females in question are, but I realise this isn't fair on him, as they are friends or acquaintances. The more I obsess, the more I am driving him away.

My overthinking has led him to not tell me the truth at times, eg going to spend time with his female best friend, as I have said she makes me uncomfortable after finding out he talked to her behind my back about our problems. I should not resent his best friend - why am I doing this?!

Can somebody please offer advice or help in any way, this is ruining my life.
 
FuzzyPeach

FuzzyPeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 3, 2015
Messages
92
He shouldn't be talking to anyone about problems in your relationship. Well maybe a parent or bro or sus but not a female friend. My friends keep their relationship with their husbands private. It's between them.
 
C

Carrieeee

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2015
Messages
3
Thank you for replying. I have explained this to him, and he agreed to no longer do it. It was more he was angry and left, and needed somebody to vent to. He hasn't done it since.

I have told him I'm uncomfortable with her because of this, but I can't dictate who he is friends with.

I don't know what to do. I'm ruining every relationship I've ever been in.
 
FuzzyPeach

FuzzyPeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 3, 2015
Messages
92
I have similar issues. More jealously. Low self worth I sometimes think but basically I find it hard to trust. I've wrecked some good relationships but on reflection if we couldn't work it out together the relationship wasn't right.

You can't change who you are. You can work on your problems though. Counseling. Thinking. Reading about it. Discussing with trusted others. You'll get there.
 
C

Carrieeee

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2015
Messages
3
Thank you so much. I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, and what you've said is spot on.

Thank you again x
 
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