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Help.. Why do I feel like this

C

cant_carry_on

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2009
Messages
46
Location
Harrogate
I just want to give up, go to bed curl up under the duvet and never wake up again. However much my friends say they care and want to help I just feel like I'm a spare wheel, always in the way and that everyone would be better off if I was out the way. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and that nobody really wants me around.

I hate feeling this way but when I try and talk to the dr or my cpn they just say that its all in my head and I have to find a way to change the way I look at things, easier said than done though. I wish i could just click my fingers and decide everything was fine but I cant. Its like they think i want to feel like this.
 
M

mel 1

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2009
Messages
16
Hi cant carry on

I am sitting here thinking exactly the same as you, that everyone would be better off without me. I am writing this with a bottle of vodka and 100's of Diazepam by the side of me but i am so going to win this battle. Are you on any medication at the moment because i am on 45mg Mirtazapine which i have been for 2 years which did initially help, and 2 and a half weeks ago they started me on Lamotrigine and Zopiclone to see if they help. It is still early days but i don't know how much longer i can hold on for. It seems as though you feel the same way. Have you got a phyc and if so what has he diagnosed you with. 2 years ago my diagnosis was borderline personality disorder but recently they have diagnosed me with manic depression or bipolar, which ever one you want to call it. I feel as though i am loosing a fighting battle. I am seeing a counsellor who is dealing with past sexual abuse but i think even this is early days. Is there any underlying issues you have that is making you feel this way because if thats the case you need to talk to someone instead of trying to cope alone.
Hope to hear from you soon. Take care.
mel 1
 
BadBuddha

BadBuddha

Active member
Joined
Dec 28, 2008
Messages
29
Location
South London
I know what it's like. For me it's depression and I can only get out of bed with valium and xanax to start the day. However, I'm dealing with the depression with Mirtazapine and Sertraline which make some difference during the day. For a start, I'd change doctors. Some just can't handle depression and think you just need to pull yourself together which is no help. There is a solution but you have to find out what it is. I've been reading about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is meant to make you change the way you think. Haven't got very far with it but it helps to think, "What am I frightened of?" and really analyse it.
It's really hard with friends and family. However much they want to help, I always feel like the idiot that needs looking after. I'm depressed and alcoholic but not drinking right now and unless you've been through those things you just can't understand them.
I wish you all the luck in the world and you really have my sympathy. Just try different things: there's something called the Depression Alliance, for example, which I haven't had the courage to go to but AA has kept (mostly) dry for years. Never give up. I'm (slowly) on the mend after a spell in the psychiatric ward last year and I was in a really bad way.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,625
Quote cant carry on
a bottle of vodka and 100's of Diazepam by the side of me


Cant carry on
Put the tablets out of harms reach and ring the samaritans - don;t test yourself.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,625
Oh sorry I meant mel 1

But yes to both of you, if you feel in danger or out of control phone the Samaritans or keep posting here - someone is always going to listen.
:hug:
 
C

cant_carry_on

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2009
Messages
46
Location
Harrogate
I'm currently on 225mg of Venlafaxine which does make a slight difference to the way i feel, I did have a CPN but have been discharged now as they only see you for 8 appointments or some rubbish like that. I haven't actually been told what my diagnosis is but as far as I am aware its borderline personality disorder, depression, and anxiety.

They did refer me to a councellor but I just clamed up and couldn't talk to them about anything much. Have tried moodgym on the internet that my dr suggested but I struggled to do it due to my lack of concentration and motivation.
 
M

mel 1

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2009
Messages
16
Hi cant carry on
I saw a counsellor for 5 times the last time and i also clammed up so i discharged myself. However my depression gradually got worse because i was keeping so much inside, i had no choice but to start seeing the counselor again. We are talking through the issues gradually but he thinks it will take years. Give the counselling another chance, you have to find the right one for you though, i have after seeing two others before. The reason for me feeling worse today and contemplating suicide is because my counsellor is away on holiday now for 2 weeks and if i feel like this he is the only one that can talk me round and help, he is good like that. Persevere and just keep asking for help, thats what i did. You need to find the right help and support though and someone that you can really relate to.
Keep in touch.
mel 1
 
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