Help.... Why am I feeling this way..

[Neverendingbattle]

So for the past few days I've been down I don't know why I could have a trigger but I know what triggers I have, I woke up from a horrible dream and that seems to have triggered this but the 3 days I don't know why it won't stop I feel alone in all of this like no one understands me I've been feeling down and crying none stop it won't go away I can Distract myself as much as I like but I can't concentrate on anything right now I can't feel good or be happy I'm such a mess it's been happening more recently than before and it's affecting me big time my day to day life is just a big saddbess that won't stop only briefly when I'm distracted but I can't keep myself distracted forever I can't sit and watch TV I can't watch other things either like YouTube and stuff I don't know why it's really stressing me out and affecting my relationship and I'm so lost

 

[bpd2020]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you are feeling in such despair. I know it does usually have a trigger but sometimes it is too difficult to work it out. Could you tell me if you have any support? Have you had any therapy?

 

[Neverendingbattle]

I

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you are feeling in such despair. I know it does usually have a trigger but sometimes it is too difficult to work it out. Could you tell me if you have any support? Have you had any therapy?

I'm waiting to have therapy and I am with the recovery team I've called they want to make a plan and it's just a matter of waiting the problem I'm having is they never taught me on what to do or how to control my brain half of the time I feel crazy (not expressing that other people are crazy just me) I feel like I'm completely out of control I've been to CBT I know and use them tools they taught me and sometimes it helps alot like going out and distraction, talking, feeling successful when you've done something you wouldn't normally do, trying to do things that make you happy etc I've exhausted all my options at this point and I'm still feeling like this and it won't stop it upsets me and annoys me sometimes I wish I wasn't here but most of the time I pray to be normal because I don't want to deal with this all the time specially when it's affecting work and my relationship, I fight myself daily to make my thoughts stop to stop me from saying things that are going on in my head, I don't always succeed at this but it's draining having to do it anyway to hold in my anger and not lash out some days are worse than others but these past few days have just been hell

 

[bpd2020]

It is really good you are going to have therapy. It is hard waiting for it to begin. I can understand what you mean about not knowing how to deal with the emotions. It is really difficult to know how to process them and not let them totally overwhelm us. It is wonderful you can sometimes use the CBT methods. I really am sorry the thoughts are overwhelming you. Would it help to discuss them here? It may stop them from going round your head and if fellow suffers reply you may get some insight which could be helpful.

You are amazing to be able to work despite having bpd. I cannot deal with work at all. Please do not think you are not 'normal'. You cannot help having bpd. Nobody would choose to have it and it is usually caused by the way we were treated by others.

You will find a lot of support on here. I am glad you joined.

 

[Neverendingbattle]

Being here would help to be able to see I'm not alone and other people are battling this too, I csnt work I'm doing courses at the moment to be able to work I don't know if I could succeed in this though, I never chose this no but sometimes I'm made to feel like I did and that I'm not normal and that it's not ok to have this, I bring up my past to give reasoning to why and I can't seem to get it into people's heads that this is the way I am and I am trying my best even if it doesn't look like it sometimes especially when I have bad days like this, it's so hard to explain, I've been doing this too long with no help from anyone and no one that understands are cares to understand, I'm screaming for help and no one's listening it's just getting harder and harder

 

[bpd2020]

Oh sorry. I misunderstood. Holding down a course requires such a lot so that must be difficult. It is okay to have bpd. You have bpd as a response to mistreatment. It is nothing you have done and nothing you could have prevented. We are always made to feel it is our fault but they are the ones who caused it. I am so sorry you do not have understanding people in your life. It makes life so hard and makes us feel we are not allowed to think or feel as we do. You will find a lot of understanding here.

 

[Girl interupted]

Triggers tend to be tied to deep (and usually unresolved) pain. Keep up with your mental health team, therapy will help you dig in and debug the trigger so it has less impact on you.

 

[Neverendingbattle]

Triggers tend to be tied to deep (and usually unresolved) pain. Keep up with your mental health team, therapy will help you dig in and debug the trigger so it has less impact on you.

I hold on to the past sometimes this time I'm holding onto a friend that is no longer my friend, he stopped talking to me a few years ago but he's happy now and having a good life I presume I don't know it's like I just miss having friends in real life rather than online friends, people I can hang out with and talk to this pandemic hasn't helped much but I used to have a close family member coming round saying hey chatting we haven't done that a lil while before the pandemic happened now we barely speak you know it's just getting harder and harder to be alone because I drive all the friends I ever make away and my partner works 3 days a week which is good because it means we don't spend too much time together but I just feel alone when he's not here or he'll go do stuff to his car and then I'm left with my kid on my own again and again and again even when i used to go visit my parents still alone, I've never felt so alone my entire life and its hitting me real hard I have some issues that are so unresolved and no clue how to resolve them people keep dying and leaving and it just isn't getting better anymore just worse