Help...What's wrong w/my son???

[Molly]

My 21yr old son joined the military a couple years ago & about a year ago he asked me if I would be his girlfriend (after just breaking up with his girlfriend) & I was in total shock. He then asked me if I would have sex with him!! I was so freaked out,I went to see a therapist to find out what was wrong w/my son. She basically said that she had never seen or heard of anything like this & that he should seek therapy. He did see a therapist a couple times, but obviously nothing ever came of it. Im sure it was a military therapist. Now that he has deployed, im seeing more & more problems. He asked me if he could take pictures of me in my underwear, when he comes home on vacation..He said because I have a beautiful body. Im just totally disgusted & don't know what to do. Now before you jump to conclusions & assume he has ptsd or that he's stressed because he's at war, all of these thoughts & feelings were apparent even before deployment & quite possibly before even joining the military. I only became aware of his thoughts after he joined. Im so worried about him. So many times he also asks me if he can wear his underwear around the house when he comes home. The other day he sent me a text message to a porn sight. He just doesn't seem to understand that thing's you share with your girlfriend, are thing's you don't share w/your mom! He can't seem to diferentiate between the two relationship's. Awhile back he told me he wanted to go camping w/me when he comes home & that he wanted me to sleep in the tent w/him. I told him that wasn't going to happen. He also said that since he's deployed, he's having a lot of problems where he will have ejaculation at times when he's not even thinking about sex, just through the course of the day. He did see a Dr for this problem & he wears "special underwear" & had his prostate checked, but im not sure what they told him the problem was. he always gets upset when I tell him these are not normal thoughts or behaviors. He says he just wants to be close to me & I try to explain to him that a mother & son dont sleep together & that we can still sit by the fire & chat, but we dont need to actually sleep together. Im just so sick about this, so please don't respond by telling me my son is a freak &/or a sicko. That's not the kind of help im looking for. I have two questions: first of all, has anyone ever heard of this problem..and how do you classify it? And secondly, what can be done about it? He obviously needs a lot of help, but if he's 21 & out of the household, what can I possibly do? Please help, my son & I always had a good relationship & nothing weird. His father passed away when he was 11 & i know that's been difficult, to say the least, but he seems to have greaved in the normal way & he really is a wonderful, caring person. Please help

 

[KP1]

Hi Molly sorry I haven't heard of this before.It sounds though as if psychotherapy could potentially help for which he would need to see the GP first of all.Hope it all goes well for you.
KP

 

[jason]

well it dosen sound like an illness by its self well unless there is other symptoms and id ask him how he feels about you and then why also if i where you id get a family therapist and then it could fix the normal mother and son relationship that is clearly distorted but dont rule out nomal illnesses there could be something wroung with his brain like a tumma so get that cheaked out as well if you can let me no how things go id like that hope thing go well jason

 

[Sorry state]

Hi, this sounds like an awful situation for you to be dealing with. Firstly, I don't think anyone here will call your son a weirdo. Everyone on the forum seems very understanding and kind so hopefully you've come to the right place as a starting point.
I think this kind of thing is rare but not unheard of. A friend from years ago (in his early twenties at the time) met a woman purely by chance that turned out to be his sister he didn't know existed. They found out they were brother and sister immediately but still went into a full girlfriend/boyfriend relationship (both leaving their existing partners). I know this a different situation than the one you're in but these confused/broken relationships do occur. After a fairly intense relationship and under pressure from friends and family they went through joint and individual therapy. It took a while but their relationship went back to normal. So maybe therapy is a good way forward although Jason's suggestion of a physical illness sounds very plausible and worth looking into.
Wishing you luck. SS

 

[Hopeful313]

What a messed up situation to be in. I am very sorry that this is happening to you. I would like to add a suggestion. Since you mentioned that your son sent you a text with a porn web link, he’s obviously watching porn. There are so many videos that portray acts of incest. I don’t even know how these types of videos are legal. I don’t mean in anyway that it’s his preference but those kind of things do mess with the brains of young people. What I want to suggest is he might need sexual therapy as well.

Please, don’t get me wrong but don’t rule out anything neither.

I wish you and your son the best.

 

[SunnyDaze]

This is an old thread from 2009 in case you didn't notice.

 

[Hopeful313]

This is an old thread from 2009 in case you didn't notice.

After I replied, I noticed it was 10 years old.

The subject was so unexpected and weird.

 

[SunnyDaze]

Yeah,for sure unexpected and weird.

I had a long reply written out and was ready to post it but then noticed the date it was started and deleted it

 

[Sorry state]

Oh, I didn't notice. Well I hope they are in a better place.