• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Help? :S

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dropdeadkid

Active member
Joined
Nov 14, 2009
Messages
27
Location
London.
I'm fourteen years old, and I've been selfharming for about 3-4 years now (non-stop) But recently my Mum found out, due to a phone call from the school (Because they saw cuts all up my arms :S)
Anyway, so now I have to see two councillors, every week. And they keep asking me why I self harm, but I don't think that I can tell them.
The real reason why I self harm is because the voices in my head tell me to, they often tell me to hurt other people aswell. They tell me who to trust, who not to trust, and if people are going to hurt me. Sometimes they say really nasty things to me aswell though, that I'm a worthless peice of shit, and they often taunt me; telling me to kill myself. And I'm scared that one day I'll just breakdown and eventually do what the voices tell me to do, and kill myself.
Most of the time I do listen to what the voices tell me, and do what they say. Because if I don't do what they say, thats when they start to be mean to me. And it gets pretty scary.
I also see quite odd things, like distorted views, things that I know aren't really there. And it's the most distracting thing in the world, because I can't concentrate on the work in school, or understand half the things the teachers are saying to me, because there's so much stuff going on around me that I can't focus on work. The things I see sometimes frighten me aswell, they frighten me a lot.
The voices keep telling me who to trust, so I don't know who to trust anymore. I'm afraid of what people will do to me, I don't know if somebody's going to hurt me or not. The doctor tried to give me anti-biotics a few weeks ago because my arm got infected from deep selfharming, but I know that they weren't really anti-biotics. It was poison, I know it was.

I haven't told anybody about this, because I'm afraid people will think that I'm going crazy, or that I'm some sort of mental person. I'm not mental. I'm just so scared of everybody. And I know that people are scared of me too. When I'm in a shop or something, I see people stare at me in fear, and cower away from me.

I don't think I can talk to anybody about this, I don't want to be put on medication, or locked up in a mental hospital. I'm not mental, I'm not ill, I'm just so scared of everybody :'(
 
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mad as a hatter

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
hi i know it,s hard 2 trust some 1 when u have so much going on in ur head and things but i think u need 2 tell some 1 about this u can,t carry around on ur own try even goin 2 ur gp how will have heard this stuff before and should be understandin or even a teacher at school or what about what u have just written on here u could print it out and show some 1 i,m sure they won,t say ur goin crazy there not going lock u up either i,m sure they will just want 2 help u in someway please try
 
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dropdeadkid

Active member
Joined
Nov 14, 2009
Messages
27
Location
London.
I can't tell anybody though :/ I'm so afraid of what will happen :'(
 
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