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Help Please

Y

yellowstone41

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Joined
Apr 2, 2021
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2
Location
england
Im trying to understand what my wife is going through. We have been together for 16 years and have 3 wonderful children. For the last 3 months she has been becoming distant and this week she has told me that she wants to be on her own most of the time and that she hasnt got anything in her to give to me at the moment. She said somedays she doesnt want to be here. She said she is in her own little world. She said that i havent done anything wrong and its all her.

I dont know where to turn. Its killing me inside and my head just keeps swirling around. I feel helpless and just want my wife back.
 
fragrant_violet

fragrant_violet

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
1,170
Location
Tirana
Yes this sounds very much like depression. Its clear you have nothing to do with it.

Has she seen a doctor? If she doesn't want to, say you will go with her and reassure her that whatever happens, you will stick by her.

You will find plenty of information here on mental illness. If you have any specific questions, plenty of the nice folk on this forum will be able to answer.
 
Y

yellowstone41

New member
Joined
Apr 2, 2021
Messages
2
Location
england
my wife is very head strong and wont let me help her or see a doctor. Im trying to understand her so that i can help her while at the same time trying to keep my own feelings in control and remembering this is not about the way i feel but helping her.
 
A

Alan Pizzaface

Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2020
Messages
9
Location
UK
You sound amazing, trying to understand your wife in order to help her. My husband is perfect apart from mental health stuff. I took him to a docs appointment once for support to ask for help, I'm stubborn like your wife and prefer to deal with things myself so this appointment was a big deal. I couldn't open up properly because I couldn't stand my husband knowing the deep dark stuff. I know he can't cope with it so I couldn't put that on him. The doctor was an a*****e, he huffed, sighed, tried to explain to me what PMS was and gave me a patronising sheet of paper with different smiley faces on and said if I still feel bad go back but meds don't work unless I want to commit suicide. Disaster of an appointment, exactly what I was expecting and didn't help my husband with his attitude towards it either.
If your wife is an internal person, like me, talking is hard. My voice just won't come out no matter what my brain is screaming. I've been emailing the Samaritans and I can type this now but wouldn't ever say it. Stupid, I know. I felt so ashamed as soon as I sent the first email but I have noticed my low days only last about day now, normally I'd be a mess for weeks. I've even laughed a few times recently!
Could you maybe leave her a notebook somewhere for her to find? Write how you feel in it and that you want to help then she might be able to tell you that way? Just please don't constantly remind her she has no reason to be depressed or other people have it worse. I hope you both feel better soon.
 
fragrant_violet

fragrant_violet

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
1,170
Location
Tirana
my wife is very head strong and wont let me help her or see a doctor. Im trying to understand her so that i can help her while at the same time trying to keep my own feelings in control and remembering this is not about the way i feel but helping her.
It would help us (and especially a therapist or doctor) if you could give us a bit more information.

Has your wife ever been like this before?
Is there a particular event that brought this on?

If she refuses to talk you ain't gonna get anywhere unfortunately.

I posted a link to some excellent audio talks by Dr. Claire Weekes but they got deleted because I am a new member therefore against the rules to post a link

So google junior anxiety Claire Weekes free audio and you will find 4 excellent 20 minute talks on nervous illness aka anxiety and depression. It will resonate with your wife because Dr. Claire uses the example of a mother with children. You might want to download and listen together
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,159
Location
Southern USA
This lockdown is having horrible consequences.
Welcome here. ✌
 
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