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Help on dealing with family members who don't 'quite' get it



New member
Apr 21, 2018
This is my first time posting so I'm really not too sure how this all works. Anyway, here goes.

I've suffered from depression and self-harming tendencies for almost 2 years on and off, and while my family have been supportive at my worst - I've run into trouble recently with how to talk to them openly about how I feel.

Today for example - I was having a pretty upbeat day, but as I'm sure we're all aware - that can change in an instant for no particular reason.

I explained to my mother that I was feeling a little low and instantly I was pleaded with not to go upstairs and harm myself - along with the words "Do you not understand how this makes me feel?"

It made me pretty angry and almost scared to confide in her about how i feel

So the question I'm asking is how can I explain things honestly and avoid the guilt trip that often comes with it?

I almost feel ashamed to talk to her about it now - Should I just keep how I feel secret or not be 100% honest?

Sorry if this seems a little bit rambly but I really don't know how to deal with this.

I'm worried it's going to set me back y'know.

Thanks in advance guys! :)
Last edited by a moderator:


:welcome: to the forum. Sorry you're experiencing this. Please stop self harming. Wounds can easily get infected. You're family cares about you which is good. I hope you are not angry at your mom still. I have someone in my family who self harms and I plead with her not too. I hope you get better soon. :hug:


Well-known member
Feb 24, 2018
Hi, PowerDrillXD, welcome to the forum!

I definitely understand how hard it can be to talk to loved ones about how we're feeling. My family is the same way. Unfortunately I don't know how you can avoid the guilt trip because that is not your fault. That problem lies on the side of the family members who don't know how to handle it. But try to remember that it's not really their fault either. As frustrating and unhelpful as pleading can be, it does show that your mother genuinely cares about your wellbeing. She is not intentionally guilting you, she just doesn't know how to handle it. Now that I am a mother myself I can relate to that kind of desperate worrying about a child's safety.

But love and worry don't solve your problems, so I would suggest going to or asking your mom to take you (sorry, I don't know how old you are) to a professional--gp, therapist, counselor, etc--someone who will listen to all the nitty-gritty details and can provide either advice, therapy, or medication to help you overcome these self-harm urges.

If nothing else, you have this forum here as well, where you can write about whatever you need to and meet people who are experiencing the same thing. (There is actually a self-harm section specifically for that too.) Best wishes to you :hug1:


Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Sep 12, 2013
Hi and welcome,

My husband and I have developed a scoring system out of 10 for how we are feeling which helps us to understand how bad (or not) things are. So if he asks me about self harm a 2/10 would be I'm having some urges but they are manageable, 5/10 the urges are getting troublesome but I'm not going to hurt myself, 9/10 I'm really struggling not to hurt myself. We use the same grading for mood and stress level. It helps avoid miscommunication. My husband really struggled to understand that self harm was not the same as feeling suicidal too, but I think he's got his head round that now after many conversations.
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