Help needed for loved one

J

JumboSam

New member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
3
Location
leeds, West Yorkshire
#1
Hi there, I'm looking for advice on what my best course of action would be to get help for my girlfriend. I've only been with her a little of a year but she has issues that I'm unable to help her with that are now getting worse. She recently had suicidal thoughts and has been acting more erratic of late. I don't know the full extent of what's happened in her past but I do know she's had many events that have affected her. She's had a poor relationship with her father as a child and he was never there for her. She's also had numerous bad relationships with abusive or controlling men, one of whom raped her. She's also had to live with her Grandma at times due to her mother not being fit to. I saw the signs in her behavior early on and our own relationship suffers due to her mental state. I love the girl and I want to help her and I'm sure speaking to a professional could be of great benefit but I'm not sure how to broach the subject of her getting help. Would she be best seeing a GP first or could i try to arrange for her to see a Psychologist without a GP visit? I know it's not going to be easy getting her to speak to someone but I have to try.

I'd be grateful for any advice at all.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
130
Location
California
#2
You sound like you really care about her and her wellbeing.
Did she tell you about the suicidal thoughts? If so, did you discuss getting help for her then? Even if you didn’t at the time, you can still bring it up now - just tell her what you said here - that you love her, and are concerned for her, and, if she wants, you can help her arrange to see a professional who can help. (I’m in the U.S., so here we get referrals from our GP - not sure how it works where you are).
How do you think she would react if you had this conversation?
 
J

JumboSam

New member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
3
Location
leeds, West Yorkshire
#3
She sent me messages late one evening basically saying she wouldn't be here in the morning. I went straight round to her house and she had a rope with a noose tied around her banister. I don't think she would have done it, more a cry for help but still obviously worrying. I have brought it up a couple of times that maybe she should speak to a professional but she dismisses it instantly. She knows I love her, but she's also hurt me on numerous occasions and I can't keep doing it to myself either. She's aware I'm willing to help but also knows this is the last time I'll be here for her. I'm hoping by giving her the ultimatum that she either speaks to someone or I walk will be enough to get her there. I'm not sure it will be tho.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
130
Location
California
#4
That’s really sad, I’m sorry for you both. It’s hard to deal with someone who is in need of treatment, but refuses to go. It’s frustrating that she’s resisting care, but she’s not really thinking straight. Did she give a reason why she won’t see a doctor, or will she just not discuss it? The ultimatum thing may not work, and if you have to walk away for your own sake, that’s understandable. Do other people in her family know about her distress? Could they help?
 
J

JumboSam

New member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
3
Location
leeds, West Yorkshire
#5
That’s really sad, I’m sorry for you both. It’s hard to deal with someone who is in need of treatment, but refuses to go. It’s frustrating that she’s resisting care, but she’s not really thinking straight. Did she give a reason why she won’t see a doctor, or will she just not discuss it? The ultimatum thing may not work, and if you have to walk away for your own sake, that’s understandable. Do other people in her family know about her distress? Could they help?
I think she's scared they'll take her son from her. And the only other person that knows is her Grandma but she's relying on me to help her. She really doesn't have anyone else that cares enough about her.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
130
Location
California
#6
This is a very concerning situation - especially with a child involved. Do you have someone close to you who you can get advice from on how to deal with this? Or, can you call a suicide hotline for advice, or mental health services?