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Help! My husband is hypomanic and won’t get help.

M

Motherofdragons16

Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2022
Messages
5
Location
Ontario, Canada
I have been with my husband for 11 years, we have had our ups and downs like every other couple. He was diagnosed in 2008 with Bipolar disorder when he had his first manic episode. I was not with him until 2010. He has had two major manic episodes with delusions and has had hospital stays that lasted a month. His last episode was at end of 2020, he was non compliant with medication or any treatments for two and half weeks. He attempted to get out of the of hospital against the doctor’s wishes. He lost his case And stayed in hospital. After that, the doctor stripped him of his rights to make medical decisions for himself. I became his substitute decision maker. His Doctor and I decided on a course of treatment and I discussed with my husband. I told him that he had a choice, take the meds by mouth or by injection. He was going to get those medications to stabilize him. He agreed to take his medication and was discharged shortly after. He was not fully stable but was discharged anyway.
During his manic episodes, I become his target. He verbally abuses me, accuses me of cheating on him and constantly tells me he is ready to separate or divorce. I try not to take it personally, that it’s just the disease talking but it definitely gets to me. We have four children and they don’t like the way he treats me when he’s manic and when he’s coming down from a manic episode.
When he came home, he spent a few months off of work to recuperate. He continued to have mood swings regularly. I knew that he was only on Epival, that this medication was usually prescribed with another type of mood stabilizer but I tried to have faith that he would continue to improve and he did to a certain extent. For most of 2021 he was up and down, subdued emotional rollercoaster with frequent angry outbursts. In the fall though his symptoms worsened, he started being controlling, erratic, trying to fix everyone around him, daily outbursts and we were fighting frequently. A couple of months ago, I asked him about his behaviour whether he felt different or if he was using drugs. He flew off the handle, I brought my kids to my sisters so I can talk to him. When I got back, he was in his car about to back out. I stopped him and climbed up on the side rail and leaned on his car. I was begging him to come talk to me and he refused. I tried to shut the ignition and he lifted the window and threw me off of his car. My arm was pinched in the window causing severe bruising. He left me lying in the driveway.
My neighbour called the ambulance and the police.
I left the house with my children and our belongings, we spent a week staying in a one bedroom apartment. My husband wouldn’t stay in our home because it was too lonely but wouldn’t let me or our four children stay there either. He wanted to separate, I didn’t. We worked out a plan and moved back in the house together. His behaviour got more erratic and his outburst more frequent. Yelling at our children and I all the time. I started a new job and he would do anything to make me upset when I left to go to work. I would cry everyday on my way to work. I started recording his behaviour because around others, he was happy and friendly but still erratic. His family started to see signs that he was starting to get unstable. One evening he took my phone because I informed him that I was recording his behaviour and he completely lost it on me. It should be noted that I did this to show him afterwards how he is when he is in a manic or hypomanic state. He took my cellphone and I struggled to get it back. He was combattive so our 13 year old called the police. He fled with my phone. He went to his parents house and has been there for a month. CAS has been involved and has suggested the kids stay with me and he gets three 2.5 hour supervised visits with our children. He will not talk to me, he is hostile towards me. He asked me to stop contacting him. This broke my heart, but the real heart break came when he told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. This is his usual pattern when he’s sick but he’s usually in hospital getting treatment. He’s at his parents with no responsibilities, not working, taking most of the money I’m bringing in and leaving us without.
All the professionals have suggested that his outpatient visit with his psychiatrist will not be adequate to properly treat him, that he needs to go to the hospital. It should be noted that my husband has no insight and our family doctor has confirmed that he is in a hypomanic state. His family sees a change in his behaviour but refuse to do anything to help. Now I’m feeling like the only option is to go to the courthouse and get an order for examination, which would force him to get assessed by a psychiatrist at a hospital for up to 72 hours. I feel guilty about doing it even though everyone tells me it’s the right thing to do to get him the help he needs. What do you all think?
 
D

Done w l

Active member
Joined
Jan 12, 2022
Messages
28
Location
Bum fuk Egypt
From my experience the meds people in his position are forced to take will 100% make someone worse my heart goes out to him
 
D

Done w l

Active member
Joined
Jan 12, 2022
Messages
28
Location
Bum fuk Egypt
@Motherofdragons16 My heart really does go out to you and your family. Manic episodes pass, the damage from the medication don't go away. All forcing dangerous medicine on someone that knows makes them worse does is make them feel much more helpless and out of control of their life. I have been forced to take simaler medications over the years that truly believed that they were helping me and I respect them in that aspect. But the reality is I was much worse off and afraid to tell anyone because I was afraid that they would increase something and make the awful feeling from the meds worse.
I did not mean to sound too critical over your decision. During my very first incident as an adult I admit the medicine worked slightly for a very short time until the medication built up in my system. At that point I had worse problems because of an awful feeling in my head, back of neck and spine that is a hell that can't be described to someone who hasn't experienced it. I went from shy and withrawn to having constant agitation and aggressive thoughts.
People really need someone to help them and after experiencing the things your husband surely has. It leaves no hope inside. It is true pain and heart break. I apologize my opinion on this subject comes across strong but I have lived it. Please stay strong for your selfs and him.
 
M

Motherofdragons16

Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2022
Messages
5
Location
Ontario, Canada
@Motherofdragons16 My heart really does go out to you and your family. Manic episodes pass, the damage from the medication don't go away. All forcing dangerous medicine on someone that knows makes them worse does is make them feel much more helpless and out of control of their life. I have been forced to take simaler medications over the years that truly believed that they were helping me and I respect them in that aspect. But the reality is I was much worse off and afraid to tell anyone because I was afraid that they would increase something and make the awful feeling from the meds worse.
I did not mean to sound too critical over your decision. During my very first incident as an adult I admit the medicine worked slightly for a very short time until the medication built up in my system. At that point I had worse problems because of an awful feeling in my head, back of neck and spine that is a hell that can't be described to someone who hasn't experienced it. I went from shy and withrawn to having constant agitation and aggressive thoughts.
People really need someone to help them and after experiencing the things your husband surely has. It leaves no hope inside. It is true pain and heart break. I apologize my opinion on this subject comes across strong but I have lived it. Please stay strong for your selfs and him.
 
M

Motherofdragons16

Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2022
Messages
5
Location
Ontario, Canada
@Done w l we have four children, he has been in a hypomanic state for over a year and I’m burnt out. My children and I have been subjected to verbal abuse for far too long. He needs help, he doesn’t have insight. He needs to get stabilized to come home. This has been going on for far too long.
 
D

Done w l

Active member
Joined
Jan 12, 2022
Messages
28
Location
Bum fuk Egypt
@Motherofdragons16 I can't say anymore about the subject other than he is better off away from those who judge, antagonised and then punished him In his worse time of need while he's going through such a hard time. From the sounds of things he doesn't have many people in life anymore.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
13,300
Location
England
Marrying someone with a mental illness is a brave thing to do
 
K

keith74

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
733
Location
Canada
From my experience the meds people in his position are forced to take will 100% make someone worse my heart goes out to him

Not always true. My wife was hospitalized during her last manic episode and refused medication and after some legal battles, lost the right to refuse meds. They were able to get her to take an antipsychotic (olanzapine) which was able to bring her mania down. She looks back and realizes that was the best thing that could have happened to her since her mania was so acute. She now stable and compliant with her usual medication. We are not sure what would have happened if she won her legal case to refuse treatment and get release early. It would not have been good.
 
K

keith74

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
733
Location
Canada
@Motherofdragons16 My heart really does go out to you and your family. Manic episodes pass, the damage from the medication don't go away. All forcing dangerous medicine on someone that knows makes them worse does is make them feel much more helpless and out of control of their life. I have been forced to take simaler medications over the years that truly believed that they were helping me and I respect them in that aspect. But the reality is I was much worse off and afraid to tell anyone because I was afraid that they would increase something and make the awful feeling from the meds worse.
I did not mean to sound too critical over your decision. During my very first incident as an adult I admit the medicine worked slightly for a very short time until the medication built up in my system. At that point I had worse problems because of an awful feeling in my head, back of neck and spine that is a hell that can't be described to someone who hasn't experienced it. I went from shy and withrawn to having constant agitation and aggressive thoughts.
People really need someone to help them and after experiencing the things your husband surely has. It leaves no hope inside. It is true pain and heart break. I apologize my opinion on this subject comes across strong but I have lived it. Please stay strong for your selfs and him.
Manic episodes may pass, but the damage from the manic episodes don't always go away either. Everyone is different and for some people, meds are a lifesaver. My wife does well on meds and is fortunate to suffer minimal side effects. The biggest issues are when she goes off them for various reasons and eventually spirals into an episode. The biggest regret from her last manic episode was that someone wasn't able to convince her to take her meds sooner (i told her that convincing someone who is manic and thinks they are cured to take their meds is a lot harder than she thinks!). Then maybe her manic episode would not have been so destructive.
 
K

keith74

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
733
Location
Canada
I have been with my husband for 11 years, we have had our ups and downs like every other couple. He was diagnosed in 2008 with Bipolar disorder when he had his first manic episode. I was not with him until 2010. He has had two major manic episodes with delusions and has had hospital stays that lasted a month. His last episode was at end of 2020, he was non compliant with medication or any treatments for two and half weeks. He attempted to get out of the of hospital against the doctor’s wishes. He lost his case And stayed in hospital. After that, the doctor stripped him of his rights to make medical decisions for himself. I became his substitute decision maker. His Doctor and I decided on a course of treatment and I discussed with my husband. I told him that he had a choice, take the meds by mouth or by injection. He was going to get those medications to stabilize him. He agreed to take his medication and was discharged shortly after. He was not fully stable but was discharged anyway.
During his manic episodes, I become his target. He verbally abuses me, accuses me of cheating on him and constantly tells me he is ready to separate or divorce. I try not to take it personally, that it’s just the disease talking but it definitely gets to me. We have four children and they don’t like the way he treats me when he’s manic and when he’s coming down from a manic episode.
When he came home, he spent a few months off of work to recuperate. He continued to have mood swings regularly. I knew that he was only on Epival, that this medication was usually prescribed with another type of mood stabilizer but I tried to have faith that he would continue to improve and he did to a certain extent. For most of 2021 he was up and down, subdued emotional rollercoaster with frequent angry outbursts. In the fall though his symptoms worsened, he started being controlling, erratic, trying to fix everyone around him, daily outbursts and we were fighting frequently. A couple of months ago, I asked him about his behaviour whether he felt different or if he was using drugs. He flew off the handle, I brought my kids to my sisters so I can talk to him. When I got back, he was in his car about to back out. I stopped him and climbed up on the side rail and leaned on his car. I was begging him to come talk to me and he refused. I tried to shut the ignition and he lifted the window and threw me off of his car. My arm was pinched in the window causing severe bruising. He left me lying in the driveway.
My neighbour called the ambulance and the police.
I left the house with my children and our belongings, we spent a week staying in a one bedroom apartment. My husband wouldn’t stay in our home because it was too lonely but wouldn’t let me or our four children stay there either. He wanted to separate, I didn’t. We worked out a plan and moved back in the house together. His behaviour got more erratic and his outburst more frequent. Yelling at our children and I all the time. I started a new job and he would do anything to make me upset when I left to go to work. I would cry everyday on my way to work. I started recording his behaviour because around others, he was happy and friendly but still erratic. His family started to see signs that he was starting to get unstable. One evening he took my phone because I informed him that I was recording his behaviour and he completely lost it on me. It should be noted that I did this to show him afterwards how he is when he is in a manic or hypomanic state. He took my cellphone and I struggled to get it back. He was combattive so our 13 year old called the police. He fled with my phone. He went to his parents house and has been there for a month. CAS has been involved and has suggested the kids stay with me and he gets three 2.5 hour supervised visits with our children. He will not talk to me, he is hostile towards me. He asked me to stop contacting him. This broke my heart, but the real heart break came when he told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. This is his usual pattern when he’s sick but he’s usually in hospital getting treatment. He’s at his parents with no responsibilities, not working, taking most of the money I’m bringing in and leaving us without.
All the professionals have suggested that his outpatient visit with his psychiatrist will not be adequate to properly treat him, that he needs to go to the hospital. It should be noted that my husband has no insight and our family doctor has confirmed that he is in a hypomanic state. His family sees a change in his behaviour but refuse to do anything to help. Now I’m feeling like the only option is to go to the courthouse and get an order for examination, which would force him to get assessed by a psychiatrist at a hospital for up to 72 hours. I feel guilty about doing it even though everyone tells me it’s the right thing to do to get him the help he needs. What do you all think?
Sorry to hear you are going through this. I know what it is like. My wife had a massive manic episode a year ago that ran the gamut of police (assault), hospitalization, loss of consent, threats of divorce, etc. I thought my marriage was over. Fortunately the hospital was able to get her on an antipsychotic (olanzapine) to bring the mania down and once the mania started to subside, she was released and she voluntarily went back on her mood stabilizer (Epival) and after a few more weeks her mania finally came down. The following weeks later she feel into a deep depression but since coming out of that she has been doing very well.

Based on what you have mentioned, it sounds like his current medication was not doing enough to stabilize him since his moods continued to be all over the place instead of stabilizing.

I'm not an expert but I think it will be tough to force him to a hospital unless he is considered a threat to himself or others. If he is just holed up at his parents, not sure he can be forced to go to a hospital by a court. Again I am not an expert so I don't really know.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
13,300
Location
England
Medication is for most people, life saving.

Long term side effects are tiny in comparison to the relief they bring to the sufferer and everyone around them.
 
D

Done w l

Active member
Joined
Jan 12, 2022
Messages
28
Location
Bum fuk Egypt
@keith74 Thank you for pointing that out. The shape of my head anymore makes me compare everything to my situation. You are right zyprexa was the medicine that helped me most from those classes of medication and had the minimum side effects in comparison to haldol. Medication used properly can have a very positive impact
 
K

keith74

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
733
Location
Canada
@Done w l ah yes, haldol is a first generation antipsychotic. All first generation antipsychotics had some pretty nasty side effects. The second generation antipsychotics (like olanzapine/zyprexa, queitapine, etc) are much safer with less adverse side effects. That said, even those are strong meds with still potent side effects that need to be carefully monitored. And as always, everyone is different and experience different side effects. For some, the adverse reaction is so strong that it is not worth it to stay on it but instead need to look for an alternative. Sorry to hear that your experiences with meds were not so good.
 
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