- Sep 16, 2015
I really hate myself. Really really hate myself. I hate the way I look, I hate my personality I just hate absolutely everything about myself. I get worried that I'm not enough for my boyfriend and I'm always comparing myself to other girls that are pretty and its making me feel so depressed. Not only does that make me anxious and depressed, I don't have any friends because I close myself off from people because I've been hurt so much in the past, I'm always telling my boyfriend how depressed I feel and I'm always in tears to him and I hate it, I feel like he'll leave me because I'm too negative, even though he is so wonderful and always listens to me and is always there for me, I still feel like he's just going to get fed up with my horrible emotions and leave me. On the subject of having no friends, I moved to a different city for a year, it was rough. I didn't fit in, I had a hard time looking for a job, my flat was horrible and over priced it was just a really rough year, my friends got new friends and didn't really keep in touch. I've moved back home now and I thought they would of included me a bit more than they used to, but ive been forgotten about. Whenever I've been out with them its been really tense and awkward, I haven't done anything to cause them to not keep in touch, they just don't anymore and it plays on my mind and makes me question 'what's wrong with me?' 'Why does everybody I love eventually leave me?' Etc. I just want to die, I can't bare to be alone, all I do is cry. I've started to self harm again. I've recently had some bad family issues too. My mum is suffering with depression and she lashes out on me and mine and her relationship is really strained. I also blame myself for all of this. I've got so much hate for myself and I feel the only way to end it, is to end myself but I'm too scared to go through with it. I need help, or just some love. From people or myself.