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Help me.

S

Skkkk

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2015
Messages
2
I really hate myself. Really really hate myself. I hate the way I look, I hate my personality I just hate absolutely everything about myself. I get worried that I'm not enough for my boyfriend and I'm always comparing myself to other girls that are pretty and its making me feel so depressed. Not only does that make me anxious and depressed, I don't have any friends because I close myself off from people because I've been hurt so much in the past, I'm always telling my boyfriend how depressed I feel and I'm always in tears to him and I hate it, I feel like he'll leave me because I'm too negative, even though he is so wonderful and always listens to me and is always there for me, I still feel like he's just going to get fed up with my horrible emotions and leave me. On the subject of having no friends, I moved to a different city for a year, it was rough. I didn't fit in, I had a hard time looking for a job, my flat was horrible and over priced it was just a really rough year, my friends got new friends and didn't really keep in touch. I've moved back home now and I thought they would of included me a bit more than they used to, but ive been forgotten about. Whenever I've been out with them its been really tense and awkward, I haven't done anything to cause them to not keep in touch, they just don't anymore and it plays on my mind and makes me question 'what's wrong with me?' 'Why does everybody I love eventually leave me?' Etc. I just want to die, I can't bare to be alone, all I do is cry. I've started to self harm again. I've recently had some bad family issues too. My mum is suffering with depression and she lashes out on me and mine and her relationship is really strained. I also blame myself for all of this. I've got so much hate for myself and I feel the only way to end it, is to end myself but I'm too scared to go through with it. I need help, or just some love. From people or myself.
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 1, 2014
Messages
3,652
Location
here
Welcome to the forum Skkkk. :) :hug1:

I'm sorry you're experiencing a distressing time at the moment.

This is a really supportive place to be and i hope you make friends and find comfort and reassurance.

love autumn :flowers:
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
I'm so sorry your struggling with this Skkk. Have you seen any doctors or therapists about this or do you try to cope with all this on your own? This is definately something you need help to sort out. Hope we can help you and be a source of support and friendship for you here. Welcome to the forum.
 
S

Skkkk

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2015
Messages
2
Thank you for both taking the time to read that and replying. I've had some professional help in the past, then after that its just been a rollercoaster of emotions. This is deffintley the worst that I've ever felt. I refuse to take any medication, I may have counselling again. I don't even know if I'm motivated to actually seek proffesional help again, I just feel so worthless. I wish I was never born.
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
:welcome: to the forum.

I'm so sorry for how you feel right now.
Do try to seek out any help you can, things can get better.

I do hope the forum proves useful to you.
I wish you well.
Unique1 xx
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
I can understand how you feel, I spent my childhood and into my 20's feeling very much the same as you. I was very reluctant to take meds and tried and quit early many times before I finally admitted to myself that at that time I just couldn't do it without meds as I did start feeling suicidal and could no longer function working or be a good parent to my own kids at the time. I always felt the meds a temporary solution though never a permanent one. I have been off meds going on 6 years now and can cope quite well. I did attend many counsellors for myself over the years and it took a long time to figure the roots of why I felt as I did.

I do believe as hard as counselling is emotionally it did help more than the meds did. It helped me find the childhood roots to why things were the way they were. REBT helped the most with me. But the meds did stabilize me enough that I could function again. Anyway we are here if you just need to vent or have a caring ear and support.
 
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