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Help me to understand,please.

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ellll99

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Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Russia
Hello everyone! I don't have anyone to ask about my problem and ask for advice so if someone will reply I will be really grateful.
So I've always had rituals but it wasn't that bad and didn't bother me at all(almost everyone has it). But a few weeks ago I noticed I do them much more every day. And last week my brain started to make obsessive thoughts, like if I see something bad in news or wherever I start to imagine how this happening to me in details. And if I won't imagine this properly and if I won't feel that I can't calm down bc I think it will happen to me. So basically I close this bad situation by imagining it on myself otherwise I can't go on. Yesterday I noticed I started to do rituals about everything(not only about bad situations as before). Like if I see a joke I'm trying to prove to myself this joke is actually funny. Or I can look in the mirror until I prove my face look good/bad. Even watching movies now is a problem bc I pause it every 10 seconds and imagining every single scene happening or something bad will happen(like I'll lose hearing or I'll have car accident). I'm trying to do ritual right so hard and it takes a lot of times(a few hours everyday) and attempts which is driving me crazy but I can't stop until I do that.I feel relieved for a few seconds but then I come back and I do that again. Logocally I understand it's nonesense,but I believe. It's so hard to control and even after ritual I try to protect myself and I say things like "that's all I did it" a few times. I'm afraid of my thoughts because any obsessive thought will appear and it will take half of day thinking.
My life changed so much last week, I'm tired of thinking, I can't even enjoy stuff I like as before.I just want to be in my usual state. So my question-is it ocd? Or it's just my thoughts became worse than before and rituals that more difficult to do?
I'm so sorry for long message and for my english. But if someone has any thoughts and if someone will reply I will be very grateful. Thank you:)
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya and Welcome to the forum all the way from Russia! Your English is very good actually.

I am not an expert on OCD so can't really tell you answers to your questions. Also no-one can diagnose on a forum. But you describe rituals which ease your stress temporarily but don't work for long. It sounds like you are in quite a distressed state from this. Was there a trigger which you can remember for all this? Or is it something you have battled for years?

I would say that intrusive thoughts can be helped by Mindfulness. You have to practise it daily to have an effect and it doesn't work immediately. We have a very brief intro to it on here but that needs you to look it up and do more specific exercises in it.


Are you on any medication to ease your symptoms? They are anxiety related I think so maybe some meds to take the worse of the feelings away so you can deal with what is left? I don't know what the system is like in Russia for helping you with this.
 
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ellll99

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Russia
Thank you very much for reply! Really appreciate that.I understand, I don't remember if there was a trigger, but my main fear is about my health. I'm not sure but maybe it's because I found channel on youtube about people with bad health problems and maybe I was watching too much so I started to think about it more(I'm also very paranoid person). But I have rituals since childhood, but it was okay.
I'm not on medication, I've never been to therapist,everything was fine before. Also thank you for brief intro,I will try it.
 
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matbel

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Jan 2, 2020
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Serbia
@ellll99 I see it as typical OCD. But, it's interesting that it started such intensive in small space of time. Have you ever suffered any panic attack or something like that? Do you have any problem which you see as serious, but you don't want to tell it to other people, because of their bad reaction?
 
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ellll99

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Russia
@ellll99 I see it as typical OCD. But, it's interesting that it started such intensive in small space of time. Have you ever suffered any panic attack or something like that? Do you have any problem which you see as serious, but you don't want to tell it to other people, because of their bad reaction?
Thank you for your reply. Yeah, I'm surprised too that everything got bad in a short amount of time. Thankfully I've never had panic/anxiety attack or any problems with mental health.Also I don't have anything I don't want to tell to other people.
 
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