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Help me stop walking on eggshells!

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ohheystarfire

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Indonesia
I went to therapists (yes plural cause I haven't found one I could actually be in synced with) many many times. For my personal sessions, including couple sessions (and also people be raising their eyebrow when I said I went to couple therapy with boyfriend... cause we're not married yet so y so serious? Fml -_-)

Anyway... 2,5 years with my boyfriend has been a total disaster yet a real bless both at the same time. The last year wasn't very great though. The fight got more intense, I did get better (slightly) but the whole splitting, fear of abandonment, torn and twisted self concept and way of thinking inhibit me from being the decent girlfriend he wanted.

In conclusion, to him (as he said it) I'm a toxic person. And of course this whole relationship is just unhealthy. But I always believe that something unhealthy isn't done for. As long as we could make our way to heal and be better. So maybe you guys can call me naive and lunatic, wishful thinking.

But really... I'm in desperation to find a practical tips on how to work this out better; to lessen the BPD thing of me, to feel more secure, to accept, because he actually just wanna break up but I gave every effort possible to hold him still, and so far... we're still together... with every ugly scars and no contact situation. It's just very far from ideal boyfriend girlfriend relationship.

I believe that letting him go would only become an evidence that I suck in maintaining relationship with people I most care about. That I screw this one up, and hell... I wouldn't want to jump into another one.

Also... the internet haven't been very useful, many articles titled 'how to break up with BPD partner' just break my heart to pieces! It's like BPD aren't meant to be loved and just very handful!

I tried CBT, and it didn't really work. Plus, at the moment I can't really afford any therapist. so... please, any advice on how to be more decent, less lunatic, so that I can be stronger, tougher, and finally not so much a toxic person?
 
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Iridescent7

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
71
Location
Torrance, CA
Maybe you’re just not compatible with him, regardless of your diagnosis.
 
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ohheystarfire

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Indonesia
Maybe you’re just not compatible with him, regardless of your diagnosis.
Having a relationship isn’t about compatibility that decide we break it or we make it.. I’m sorry but I can’t accept incompatibility as a reason why we became who we are.. we’re actually quite good together, regardless the diagnosis

I’ve thought about going to psychiatrist but still couldn’t really afford the service..
 
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ohheystarfire

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Indonesia
Thank you for the input..

Any one else have something in mind?
 
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LittleMissNameless

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
48
Location
canada
I'm Gunna break this into two parts. Part 1 is for things you can look into. And part 2 is more for you to take as personal advice.

Part 1 is things you can try like, dbt, try learning crisis managment tools and problem solving skills be able to talk yourself out of reacting while you're feeling overwhelmed. So you don't act impulsively as much.
Your therapists should be able to give you tools to practise with in less severe circumstances, do practise scenarios with you.

Part 2 is personal advice.

1. Get 1 therapist or get your therapists in contact with each other so they can act as an effective unit.
2. Break up with your boyfriend, you sound as if you aren't in a position to focus on anyone but yourself, you can keep trying and maybe it will work but your mental health should be your Primary concern when getting better.
You can be a nontoxic person with treatment.
 
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