B
Bubblyblue
Member
- Joined
- May 16, 2009
- Messages
- 16
Hi, I just want to share what's been happening to me for the past 2 years, and how angry I am at mental health services. I will just summarise.
I am aged 24, female, live in the UK. I have been working in the mental health sector for 3 years. I have suffered from clinical depression for about 8 years, but was untreated and undiagnosed. This depression arose from childhood/adolescent emotional abuse, neglect, bullying etc... Last year I split up from a 2 year relationship. I have attachement issues, I cant get over someone easily (I obsessed with a celebrity for 10 years). After the split last year, I couldnt take it anymore, so I told my GP, was put on antidepressants, tried few brands, which didnt seem to lift my mood. I began to use alcohol and promiscous sex as a coping strategy. I lost my job, due to drinking alcohol. I received counselling, it helped with my alcohol problems. I paid for a couple of sessions of therapy with a psychologist, but stopped cos I could not afford it.
I then began a new job this year, however I drank alcohol at work in March (biggest mistake) and told my boss about it, I had to attend a discplinary hearing in July. I was so scared about the impact it would have on my progressing career, that I planned to commit suicide if I was dismissed from work. I had 7 weeks to live and so tried to have fun. I joined a dating site and my profile suggested I wanted some man urgently to show me some love/care, before I kill myself. I met a nice bloke, he turned out to be loving and caring, and was attracted to me. He wanted to stop me from killing myself. Anyway our relationship got very intense, he couldnt take my pressures anymore, we argued and now he is ignoring me completely. I had given him a nervous breakdown.
I quit my antidepressants abruptly in June, and then my behaviour became rather odd. I was sent on sick leave from work. I told my GP about the suicide plans. Immediately then I began to see the primarycare mental health team, they transferred me to the community mental health team. They promised me a referral to therapy services, + weekly counselling. I did not get dismissed from my job, but I ressigned due to the uncomfortable environments. I dont have suicide intentions anymore. But all this year, I have received nothing. No counselling or therapy. I have been discharged by the mental health services, referred back to my GP (just because Im not suicidal anymore). A psychiatrist diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. Then another psychiatrist diagnosed me with nothing and said I have never had clinical depression.
I am now left with no help. I thought I was on the road of recovery, but I have been discharged. I am crying EVERY EVERY day, I feel so low, so inadequate, so insecure. I feel like I have lost everything, lost someone who loved me (even if it was temp), lost my job, lost my dignity, lost my car and in piles of debt. I am so angry with the mental health services. It feels like they think I have nothing wrong with me, jst because one psychiatrist said that (after a 30mins interview with me). I am destructive. I punish myself everyday through starvation and emotional torture. I am impulsive and spend, spend, spend and have sex with strangers. Plus it was only 2 months ago, where I had made plans to end my life. Why have they let me go? Why is everyone giving up on me? I just want to give up myself now? I am crying uncontrollably just writing this. I didn't know who else to tell. I feel like I am stuck.
What should I do? Thank you for reading this.
x
I am aged 24, female, live in the UK. I have been working in the mental health sector for 3 years. I have suffered from clinical depression for about 8 years, but was untreated and undiagnosed. This depression arose from childhood/adolescent emotional abuse, neglect, bullying etc... Last year I split up from a 2 year relationship. I have attachement issues, I cant get over someone easily (I obsessed with a celebrity for 10 years). After the split last year, I couldnt take it anymore, so I told my GP, was put on antidepressants, tried few brands, which didnt seem to lift my mood. I began to use alcohol and promiscous sex as a coping strategy. I lost my job, due to drinking alcohol. I received counselling, it helped with my alcohol problems. I paid for a couple of sessions of therapy with a psychologist, but stopped cos I could not afford it.
I then began a new job this year, however I drank alcohol at work in March (biggest mistake) and told my boss about it, I had to attend a discplinary hearing in July. I was so scared about the impact it would have on my progressing career, that I planned to commit suicide if I was dismissed from work. I had 7 weeks to live and so tried to have fun. I joined a dating site and my profile suggested I wanted some man urgently to show me some love/care, before I kill myself. I met a nice bloke, he turned out to be loving and caring, and was attracted to me. He wanted to stop me from killing myself. Anyway our relationship got very intense, he couldnt take my pressures anymore, we argued and now he is ignoring me completely. I had given him a nervous breakdown.
I quit my antidepressants abruptly in June, and then my behaviour became rather odd. I was sent on sick leave from work. I told my GP about the suicide plans. Immediately then I began to see the primarycare mental health team, they transferred me to the community mental health team. They promised me a referral to therapy services, + weekly counselling. I did not get dismissed from my job, but I ressigned due to the uncomfortable environments. I dont have suicide intentions anymore. But all this year, I have received nothing. No counselling or therapy. I have been discharged by the mental health services, referred back to my GP (just because Im not suicidal anymore). A psychiatrist diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. Then another psychiatrist diagnosed me with nothing and said I have never had clinical depression.
I am now left with no help. I thought I was on the road of recovery, but I have been discharged. I am crying EVERY EVERY day, I feel so low, so inadequate, so insecure. I feel like I have lost everything, lost someone who loved me (even if it was temp), lost my job, lost my dignity, lost my car and in piles of debt. I am so angry with the mental health services. It feels like they think I have nothing wrong with me, jst because one psychiatrist said that (after a 30mins interview with me). I am destructive. I punish myself everyday through starvation and emotional torture. I am impulsive and spend, spend, spend and have sex with strangers. Plus it was only 2 months ago, where I had made plans to end my life. Why have they let me go? Why is everyone giving up on me? I just want to give up myself now? I am crying uncontrollably just writing this. I didn't know who else to tell. I feel like I am stuck.
What should I do? Thank you for reading this.
x
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