help me please im so confussed

[babs]

Hi everyone im new on here and not sure whats happening to me
i have suffered from "depression" for many years now like from i was 14 and now 24 durning that time i have had what i think looking back manic episodes to the pont i havened know what iv been doing or who i am, very voilatil and throwing heavy objects like they where paper, and have even had 4 suide attemps in that time i was seeing and hearing things that just wasnt there (or so im told) as i though my exboyfriend was trying to wreak my head, i then turned to drink and was cheating on my ex a lot as my sex drive was through the roof and then when i got depressed again i turned to cocaine just to make me feel "normal"

now its happening again only this time me and my current partner father of my 2 kids is going to leave because i want sex 24/7 and have spent £2000 in 2 months on clothes that has not been needed and am fighting with him throwing tables at him and just losing myself, in fact it got so bad that i was in a taxi going nuts (as i have been told) and pulled the steering wheel from him and near put the car in a wall at high speed, he then took me to the hospial but was let out the next day with antidressants, i was so scared when i heard about this as this is not me at all, and now i have crashed with a bang to the point i want to sit on a lit fire and the only thing i am thinking about id suidue
im very concerened cause my cpn (mental health nurse) thinks i may be bipolar and then another nurse saw me and said she thing im boarderline personality disorder my p.doc thinks its depression but want to keep in close contact to moniter my moods just in case, but why have i been perscribed a cocktail of meds : trazadone 150mg, zopiclone 7.5mg respardol 0.5mg twice daily and diaziepam 5 mg twice a day, what is going on with me and my docs and nurse all have a different opion and why am i on all this for just "depression" help please any advice would be great and anyone with the same kinda experanice

if you have got this far thanks for reading and please responed lol

 

[intelgal]

Hi there ,

Welcome to the forum.

Certinaly sounds like you ve got lots going on at the moment and conflicting issues going on.

Although none of us on here can diagnose all I can say is these things can be very complex to diagnose.

Depression is extremley difficult and all of your symptoms can be part of this as well as them being symptoms of the other things you mention such as Bipoler or BPD. Therefore it can take neumerous visits and assessments to get things sorted.

On here there are loads of people with advice and support and can be used as a sound board if you need by maybe starting your own journal.

Take care and once again to the fourm

 

[babs]

thank-you

Hi there ,

Welcome to the forum.

Certinaly sounds like you ve got lots going on at the moment and conflicting issues going on.

Although none of us on here can diagnose all I can say is these things can be very complex to diagnose.

Depression is extremley difficult and all of your symptoms can be part of this as well as them being symptoms of the other things you mention such as Bipoler or BPD. Therefore it can take neumerous visits and assessments to get things sorted.

On here there are loads of people with advice and support and can be used as a sound board if you need by maybe starting your own journal.

Take care and once again to the fourm

thankyou so much for your reply and im glad that i can talk openly about this somewhere as its driving me crazy and my family are finding it so hard too deal with so i try not and talk to my partner and dad as they think i should pull myself together and i wish so much i could

i think i will start a journal and maybe it may help me understand myself

 

[Dollit]

Keep a mood diary - that's a really good idea.

BPD is on the edge of Bipolar so both are quite difficult to diagnose and I CPN is not qualified to make that diagnosis. The only person that can make that diagnosis is a qualified psychiatrist.

Keep coming back and talking about how you are. There is wonderful support on this forum and I don't think I'd be as well as I am today without it.

 

[babs]

hi my psychiatrist has used bipolar in my presence but he was talking to another psychiatrist on his team in the same room and that was a word he had used but has never told me that, he just said he needs to be in more contact with me, and it was home treatment team that said about the boarder line personalty disorder im worried i dont want to be any of these at all its just so confusing

 

[Dollit]

If he says he needs to be in more contact with you then he's taking your illness seriously. None of us want to be what we are - I'd stop it all now if I had a magic switch. But sometimes knowing what we are gives us a chance to handle things better and to understand who we are.

 

[babs]

thank you im praying it will all disappear but i may have to face facts and deal with it if thats even possible lol its the not knowing is weird

 

[Dollit]

It is possible to deal with it - this forum is full of people who deal with their mental health problems every day, it's not easy some days but it can be done.

 

[laulipop]

awww.
im 24 too and ive got many of the same sorts of symptoms as you apart from the gambling and the sleeping with someone else. Anyhow, just wanted to say that im thinking of you and Im a fellow 24 year old and am new to this too
x