Help me identify the core issue

B

benji1991

New member
Joined
Jun 27, 2018
Messages
2
#1
Hi all, at church last sunday I was expecting to go to the cafe with some friends as usual (T, H, L) but at the end of the service H told me that she had been invited to go somewhere else with another group...I was suddenly filled with an intense kind of fear and anxiety, I felt as if my world has been pulled out from under my feet. I started to feel very possesive

I spent the day obsessing and worrying about H hanging out with that group, then I finally told her about my fears and she reassured me and told me not to worry and that she won't ditch me. but its been a week now and the insecurity/fear has stayed at a very intense and uncomfortable level. I can't stop the obsessive thoughts about losing her even though its irrational, I have been dreaming about it.

I have thought deeply about whether I like her as more than friend and the answer is no, but for some reason, to have my closest friend and relationship decide to hang out with who I consider the 'popular ones' triggered something very deep within me, something that maybe goes back to childhood?

you can use one word answers if you want, just use your instinct and help me identify what this is really about.

thanks
 
Last edited by a moderator:
F

Forevertrying

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2018
Messages
94
#2
Hi all, at church last sunday I was expecting to go to the cafe with some friends as usual (T, H, L) but at the end of the service H told me that she had been invited to go somewhere else with another group...I was suddenly filled with an intense kind of fear and anxiety, I felt as if my world has been pulled out from under my feet. I started to feel very possesive

I spent the day obsessing and worrying about H hanging out with that group, then I finally told her about my fears and she reassured me and told me not to worry and that she won't ditch me. but its been a week now and the insecurity/fear has stayed at a very intense and uncomfortable level. I can't stop the obsessive thoughts about losing her even though its irrational, I have been dreaming about it.

I have thought deeply about whether I like her as more than friend and the answer is no, but for some reason, to have my closest friend and relationship decide to hang out with who I consider the 'popular ones' triggered something very deep within me, something that maybe goes back to childhood?

you can use one word answers if you want, just use your instinct and help me identify what this is really about.

thanks
Hi there, do you think you should speak to your gp? and see if you identify any other obsessive behaviours? I understand it must be hard feeling this way, if it is somethin related to childhood have you considered getting therapy?

What is hard is to be on the recieving end of this possevness can be overwhelming and can sometimes push people away.

Could you maybe make other friends so your not so invested in this one?

Hope all goes well. I had this issue with my mum when I was younger , I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 15 , not because of that but other things, but those fears etc and possesvness were part of my symptoms. I had CBT and its really alot better now.
 
F

Forevertrying

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2018
Messages
94
#3
Hi all, at church last sunday I was expecting to go to the cafe with some friends as usual (T, H, L) but at the end of the service H told me that she had been invited to go somewhere else with another group...I was suddenly filled with an intense kind of fear and anxiety, I felt as if my world has been pulled out from under my feet. I started to feel very possesive

I spent the day obsessing and worrying about H hanging out with that group, then I finally told her about my fears and she reassured me and told me not to worry and that she won't ditch me. but its been a week now and the insecurity/fear has stayed at a very intense and uncomfortable level. I can't stop the obsessive thoughts about losing her even though its irrational, I have been dreaming about it.

I have thought deeply about whether I like her as more than friend and the answer is no, but for some reason, to have my closest friend and relationship decide to hang out with who I consider the 'popular ones' triggered something very deep within me, something that maybe goes back to childhood?

you can use one word answers if you want, just use your instinct and help me identify what this is really about.

thanks
In all honesty only you can really identify what its all about as there could be so many reasons , and its risky for a stranger to try and guess from this isolated example if that makes sense.
 
Guy12182

Guy12182

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2018
Messages
141
Location
Upstate NY
#4
Hope I can help

Hello and thanks for being here and sharing your thoughts and issues. What I see in your story I can relate. even being 56, I know how it is to want someone who might not know you like them more as a friend. And with that I learned that we have to treat that situation more differently then for example meeting someone for the first time who people sometimes end up together. When it's a friend, I would tell myself "I have plenty of time and opportunities to tell them, hang out with them". And I know how it feels to have gone out socializing with someone and being left stranded by myself.
I, like you, was having obsessive thoughts about the:: person, situation and event for days. that's when I was 14 lol. But anyway, I've only had 2 women in my life because I'm a dedicated person and I've never dated much being younger. I just met a girl, married her 5 yrs after, stayed with her till 36 yrs old, got divorced from her.
Met someone else and stayed with her 20 more yrs, now I'm breaking up with this past fiance, 56 and I find myself here.
The help from my reply I hope is to understand you will always have other opportunities to be with someone if you are persistent and not give in at all. Take time to think about things you want to say to that person next time. A true saying is good things come sometimes by being patient and having the perfect plan and attitude. My story was to offer you my understanding of mental illness and experiences cause I have a lot of these.
Look forward to helping you whenever you need it.
Best Wishes
Guy~
 
Last edited:

Similar threads