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I

It'sMe

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Guatemala
First, sorry for my English, I'm not native speaker.
Here is my story. I've been dating with my girlfriend almost 4 years ago. She's an amazing woman (we're 24, almost 25); I've lived a lot of adventures by her side; she thought me a lot of things and an amazing way of living life. I was her first kiss and I'm so happy because of that.

We have laughed, cried, kissed, hugged... all the things a couple could do, we did, except sex. We haven't had sex because she is Christian and she thinks (and feels) that sex before marriage is a sin; also, she wants to have sex only with one person. At firtst, I wasn't agree with that but now I understand and support her. I'm always saying to her that I'm not going to force her to have sex with me if she doesn't want (also, I'm virgin).

But, we have strengthened our love in different ways; she's the best team for living life and she's always supporting me to follow my dreams and I do the same with her, as I told you, we're the best team. We enjoy going to the movies, watching Netflix, eating fast food, going for a walk, talking about our problems and dreams, making jokes... things that couples do. I felt in love with her; I enjoyed a lot to be with her, kiss her and make her laugh.

A bad thought came to my mind. "I feel that I don't love her", that thought came to me on November; but I thought that was only in my mind like an obsession.

I thing I got OCD since I was a kid (not officialy diagnosed) but I got a lot of fears and doubts, like fear to get cancer (on January 2nd of 2019 I cried a lot because I thought that I had cancer and it was only a wound in my mouth); also, fear of being homosexual, compulsions of cleaning, religion, order, intrusive thoughts; I feel guilty for a lot of things (like watching porn), it's hard for me to make decisions and so on...

So, I was really depressed because I was thinking that I don't love her anymore; but that thought disappeared until February, it came back and stronger. So I Googled "OCD I don't love my gf" and rOCD showed up. I felt better but later, the situation got worse. I don't know if I really love her or not, sometimes I really want to have a date with her or watch Netflix in my house; but later, I don't wanna know about her and feel like I don't love her. This is pissing me off because I'm doubting about everything, sometimes I miss her and sometimes I don't. I don't want to work or go out with my friends; also, I think I'm depressed because I live with my parents and I'm in my house almost everytime.

I can't sleep and I'm thinking 24 hours per day if I love her or not, feeling that I love her and miss her and later, feeling that I don't. It's a nightmare! I always want to sleep because in my dreams I'm thinking about that and when I wake up, the anxiety starst in my chest.

I just want to be ok with my girlfriend, go to the beach and have a good time. I just want to be good with her forever but I feel like something is blocking me, that maybe I don't love her anymore and this feeling makes me very sad and depressed.

I'm seeing a doctor and in theraphy, he insinuates me that is lack of sex... He

Now, I'm doubting if it's ROCD, depression or lack or sex. I REALLY NEED HELP!

HELP ME PLEASE and sorry for my long text.

P. S. I play Fortnite since last year and also I'm wondering if I got addicted to the game.
I posted this before but got no answer.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya and :welcome: to the forum. I think all relationships go through cycles of intense love and then cooling off for a while. Its totally normal. Are you thinking of marrying her? It might be an idea to talk with a therapist about your doubts and see if they can come up with anything. I think we all go through a phase of being totally in love with a person and when that changes to just loving them we miss the intense feelings. I don't know if it helps but perhaps see if its just phases you are going through.

I was married for 29 years before my husband died and I can say that I always loved him but wasn't "in love" with him all the time. We had phases were we just lived next to each other in the house and times when we were very close.
 
I

It'sMe

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Guatemala
Thank you @calypso for your answer. I talked to my mom at first and she told me the same thing as you, love has different phases.

We used to talk a lot about marriage but our economy doesn't allow to us yet, I live with my parents and my job isn't enough (she's almost in the same situation). But, from one day to another, these feelings became stronger and I'm desperate. It's very hard. I wish I have ROCD but actually I don't know what it is.

I'm already going with a therapist but also thinking about change it, he insinuates me is lack of sex with her and I really don't know...

Thank you for your answer.
 
calypso

calypso

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By the way, what is R - OCD - That does the R stand for? I've never heard of that before.

have you got friends you can ask about all this? I'm not sure its just about sex, but maybe you aren't in love with her any more. Could that be possible? You sounded so well suited to each other in your post though. Don't be fooled that there will be something better around the corner, that isn't often the case. I don't know, its a difficult one isn't it?
 
I

It'sMe

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Guatemala
Hi @calypso The R means Relationship. So, ROCD y is Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, is the subtype of OCD that gives you a lot of anxiety and doubts about loving your partner.

You can learn more abouit it by watching this video:
 
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