• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Help me I desperately don't wanna go to work!

M

Malvinka

New member
Joined
Nov 3, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Greece
Hello, I'm a 24 year old girl and until now I've only worked occasionally from home, but overall I didn't make much money, mostly my parents supported me financially. However, this year, after a quite serious conversation with my parents, they accused me of being 24 years old who is high time to quit lying in bed, sleeping late and doing nothing all day. They said that I was already an adult and I must begin making a living. I understand them and deep inside, I realize that they are right because almost all people my age already work. Therefore, I started a job that is even well paid and prestigious.

BUT that's where my psychological breakdown and hell began! Something turned over in me, and as calm and happy as I was at home, the moment I went to work, I received a mix of emotions such as: fear, anxiety, sadness, depression, misery... When I ask myself why I feel this way I immediately find the answer - I miss my previous calm, free and lazy life, where I used to wake up at noon, rest as much as I want, do whatever I want... And now I feel like my freedom is all gone. The worst part is that my parents keep repeating that work is a terrible thing that turns people into slaves that go to work, then go home, eat, go to bed and then again go to work on the next day. A life that lacks all kinds of entertainment and happiness. But I don't want to think that negatively. Yes, work takes up much of our daily lives, but there is still time for fun and happiness, right?

It's been 1 week since I started my first job and I'm horrified if I'll ever get used to this lifestyle. Before you recommend me to start my own business, I'll say that I'm not a business oriented person, so this alternative is eliminated. Also, I don't have a hobby that I could turn into a job. I don't know, I just feel like I've lost the best part of my life and I'm already an absolutely unhappy slave whose freedom is completely gone.

However, unfortunately, I realize that I have no other alternative but to work since otherwise, I will have to become a homeless person, which is the worst. But I just don't want to work at all ... you might consider me lazy, but I don't know ... Honestly, I just really miss my previous life, in which I had complete freedom to sleep late, cook at home and eat tasty food, do nothing all day long, or go out with friends ... even though I almost didn't have my own money, and mostly asked my parents to give me some ... What is the advantage of working if that really kills all your calmness and happiness in life? Please, from the bottom of my heart, give me your invaluable pieces of advice on how to adjust to working and everything other you decide, because I really need them desperately!
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
11,305
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Maybe the job is the wrong one for you? What sort of things are you interested in? What did you study before you did the work at home thing? Do you have any qualifications you could use to get a different job? Money won't make you happy :grouphug:

You do need money though, to pay your bills, you have to think ahead to when your parents are unable to help you financially :grouphug:

Or maybe you could come to a agreement where you work (for example) 4 days a week and have 3 days to do whatever you want to do?
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
215
Location
Scotland
Simple fact, you need to put your big girl pants on! You can`t be a mooch the rest of your life.
I`ve worked since I left school, I`m 48 now, so stop being a precious princess and get your backside to work.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,584
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
^--- Harsh, but basically true. Most people have to work to earn a living, and if you're really lucky, you'll enjoy the work you do. Also work can be extremely fulfilling and provide a sense of purpose and achievement.

It must be a big shock for you coming from the lifestyle you had, but you must be able to support yourself. What happens when your parents aren't there any more? Could you exist with no job?
But working full time needn't take all the enjoyment out of life. There's a lot of joy still to be had in pursuing the things you love to do. Ok you won't have as much time to chill out in coffee shops, but the times when you can do that become more enjoyable, and precious.

I hope you can adjust, and remember you always have the option of finding another job, if you're not happy with the one you're doing. Especially in your situation, where you can afford to leave a job, and still be supported by your parents while you find another one. Most people don't have that luxury.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
4,443
Location
UK
Hi Malvinka

Your parents are giving you conflicting messages - telling you to work and then saying work will make you a slave and is "a terrible thing." They might be as torn by this situation as you are - on the one hand, wanting you to earn your own money and on the other hand, not wanting to relinquish their control over you.

You talked about giving up freedom - but in actual fact, being financially independent is your liberation. As long as your parents are funding your life, you remain a child and they can control and manipulate you. You can never say "I'm 24 and can make my own decisions" to them if they're still keeping you.

You're only a week into your job - and yes, it's quite a shock to the system. It feels tiring - the routine feels gruelling...we've all been there. The good news is you will soon become more resilient and be able to take the routine in your stride.

Work will make you a far more interesting person and it adds value. As nice as it is to float about and have coffee with friends, this will get very stale and depressing if you have no other options. Those coffees will taste sweeter when they become something more special than filling in time in your day.

I think you're worrying too much - you'll soon get in the swing of things.

Sending lots of love xxx
 
J

JamFRUK

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
50
Location
London
You've been one week in, give it time. Here's a little secret for you : people make all the difference at work. It does not matter what job you do, at the end of the day it is the people that you work with that will make it an interesting, stimulating, great and exciting place.
Give a chance to this job, if it's the mere fact of working that makes you miserable, and not the job itself. Be curious about it, learn, ask questions, meet people, get involved, take on a project. Have lunch with co workers and you will enjoy it a lot more already. Being part of a company is also the opportunity of being part of something much bigger than yourself, seize it. Learn about the company, the business, what is the vision of your leaders on the floor, what are the opportunities for you. Also. Chances are you might be allowed to work from home from time to time - but no lazy noon wake up though :)

Work does not have to be miserable. Unless the people you work with are horrible jerks, or you have to do a job you truly despise, it can be an enjoyable experience. It is what you will make of it but you need to be proactive and not expect it to just be great. Learn to be adaptable.

And yes, you can still enjoy life. I play in music bands when I'm not horribly depressed, so my work is not my life either. I actually calculated I spend way more time in studios (after work + week end) than my job. It helps giving yourself room to breath.
If you don't have a hobby, find one. Try reading, writing, blogging perhaps ? Everybody have something they love, find what your love or passion is and that will help you figure out how to spend time off work in way that might help you feel better too
Good luck
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,465
Location
London
Simple fact, you need to put your big girl pants on! You can`t be a mooch the rest of your life.
I`ve worked since I left school, I`m 48 now, so stop being a precious princess and get your backside to work.
This is not helpful dude if the lady is saying she is having psychological problems. Seek help if you dont then dont expect to change until you change that. Your parents have the right to be pissed off but i dont know your unique personal situation enough to comment on what you been through and if you should be able to work if you have not already put 100% in. Bottom line seek help if you want to change if you dont want it you wont change then you will get worse
 
Tired Daisy

Tired Daisy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2016
Messages
13,088
Location
5,437 miles from Hollywood
How about doing a job you like... maybe something that involves traveling the world like working as a flight attendant on an airplane or joining the army.
 
Top