Help me? Any advice? Social Anxiety.

daydreamsandicecreams

daydreamsandicecreams

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#1
Hello,

Lately, I've been feeling not like myself. I feel that as the days go on I'm losing a lot of confidence in who I am. I know that I can help myself/deal with this. But lately, I feel like I'm not doing a very good job. Today for example, a new coworker started talking to me and asked me what I missed from back home (California) and I literally went blank, but I managed to say "the sun" and he just looked at me like "?" which then just made me self conscious, so I just walked away to take some dishes to the sink. The thing is though, I could think of SOOOO many things to say literally so many but didn't say anything moderately interesting.

I then begin to think about how a lot of people don't "know" me, and well they don't. They don't know my interests and even if they did I feel as though the way that I am perceived is still as a "quiet" or "boring" person, which doesn't help the cause.

Then I start to think well if these people can't be mindful or aren't the kind of people to think about why or the reasons someone behaves this way i.e social anxiety, or stress. Then are they worth befriending? I only tell myself this to feel better but maybe it's true?

I just am a good person with honest intentions and I wish people would see that - but often times they just see the "yeah she doesn't seem interesting or anything, not friend material, just not worth effort or time", and that just makes me a bit sad, really.

Any thoughts or advice on how to go about this?
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
I understand that feeling. I feel often that others are better at things than me and people see me as uninteresting when they don't know me.

I know that one true friend is worth a whole lot more that a lot of acquaintances. That feeling that your mind goes blank when asked something is a situation many of us relate to. I feel like this often.

I haven't any words of wisdom just trying to say that I understand.
 
LivinWithAnxiety

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#3
Hi there,

My two cents, which is highly subjective and in a way based on my recent experiences with social anxiety and isolation: Assuming people are judging you in a negative way is your anxiety talking. If you can work toward not following or dwelling on those thoughts, you may find yourself more relaxed in those social situations. But there's also the chance that these people that make you anxious are douchebags and not even worth investing any time or energy into. I also agree that one good friend is better than many acquaintances.

While my anxiety has caused me to withdraw from various social events, it has also led me to choose my friends and how I spend my time socially more wisely and in a way that is more enjoyable and meaningful to me.
 
H

harsh-reality

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#4
If you are quiet, that's who you are. Being a quiet person does not make you uninteresting though. So you have moved country - that makes you a lot more interesting than most of us as most people I assume always live in the country of their birth. You probably over analysing when a work colleague asked you a question and you could nto think of an answer. That's probably because you in a work scenario which is not a normal or relaxed social scenario anyhow and your focus will be on your tasks to do as opposed to polite conversation.

I think you over analysing yourself very harshly - I always made the mistake of wanting my friends from my work groups but it never really worked - if you can find out things that you used to enjoy back home or new interests - you will then find yourself in more relaxed social scenarios but yes I admit it takes guts.

But please don't label yourself as boring - like everyone you do have a story to tell and in the right environment with the right companion am sure you will be fine.

I am quiet at home but sometimes I can be chatty out with a very good friend. We can't get on with everyone either - ie so many people very different - I guess its finding your way to where you belong is the key....

Please try not to criticise yourself though and in particular because of isolated incidents and remember work is a slightly false environment in that a lot of the people you wouldn't ideally choose to spend time with on a regular basis so be kind to you.
 
megirl

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#5
Hi there,
I've come to terms with the fact I am so much better with a few close friends than many aquantancies,ive had some what I thought lovely friends pissed off on me when I could no longer give all my attention to them because I was crook.
Yeh I can be reserved and quiet people I think actually think I'm snobby Ik always acknowledge people but sometimes if people ask me a random question and my brains on something else I can't think of what to say, and then I feel awkward. I feel like I'm boring sometimes,been t even if I am,but I'm quite satisfied in my self.
Its like being called lazy but if you're happy pottering around home,sitting in the sun watching tele and youre ok about than what does it matter
 
daydreamsandicecreams

daydreamsandicecreams

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#6
I understand that feeling. I feel often that others are better at things than me and people see me as uninteresting when they don't know me.

I know that one true friend is worth a whole lot more that a lot of acquaintances. That feeling that your mind goes blank when asked something is a situation many of us relate to. I feel like this often.

I haven't any words of wisdom just trying to say that I understand.

Hi, yeah I feel the same way too. This constant "everyone is better" simply because other people find them interesting enough to approach. Then I ask myself "why not me?" Why can't I be that person that people actually want to befriend and it's just because I'm not myself, ever (in a public setting).

I agree, I would rather have super good friends then know the entire world or have them like me. I just don't get it, but I guess that's a major part of it all, right? :^(


Thank you for replying to me, it's nice to know I'm not the only one that suffers from this x
 
daydreamsandicecreams

daydreamsandicecreams

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#7
Hi there,

My two cents, which is highly subjective and in a way based on my recent experiences with social anxiety and isolation: Assuming people are judging you in a negative way is your anxiety talking. If you can work toward not following or dwelling on those thoughts, you may find yourself more relaxed in those social situations. But there's also the chance that these people that make you anxious are douchebags and not even worth investing any time or energy into. I also agree that one good friend is better than many acquaintances.

While my anxiety has caused me to withdraw from various social events, it has also led me to choose my friends and how I spend my time socially more wisely and in a way that is more enjoyable and meaningful to me.
Hello LivinWithAnxiety,

Hm, yeah I would have to agree that it's negative self-talk. It's a constant cycle, really. How would I feel more relaxed, breathing exercises help a bit, and yoga (when I manage to do it) is also incredibly helpful, but how about when it's actually happening, and I'm partaking in daily life? I've a lot to learn.

Meaningful hangouts are a 10/10. I think those beat any random house party night with a bunch of random you don't care about !

Also, I'd like to hear your story about how it's affected your life, if possible? I'm only 23 and sometimes it can prove to be a bit much, right?
 
daydreamsandicecreams

daydreamsandicecreams

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#8
If you are quiet, that's who you are. Being a quiet person does not make you uninteresting though. So you have moved country - that makes you a lot more interesting than most of us as most people I assume always live in the country of their birth. You probably over analysing when a work colleague asked you a question and you could nto think of an answer. That's probably because you in a work scenario which is not a normal or relaxed social scenario anyhow and your focus will be on your tasks to do as opposed to polite conversation.

I think you over analysing yourself very harshly - I always made the mistake of wanting my friends from my work groups but it never really worked - if you can find out things that you used to enjoy back home or new interests - you will then find yourself in more relaxed social scenarios but yes I admit it takes guts.

But please don't label yourself as boring - like everyone you do have a story to tell and in the right environment with the right companion am sure you will be fine.

I am quiet at home but sometimes I can be chatty out with a very good friend. We can't get on with everyone either - ie so many people very different - I guess its finding your way to where you belong is the key....

Please try not to criticise yourself though and in particular because of isolated incidents and remember work is a slightly false environment in that a lot of the people you wouldn't ideally choose to spend time with on a regular basis so be kind to you.
Hi harsh-reality,

I have read this with a smile on my face, infinite thank yous.

You're right, I work in a coffee shop and although I am surrounded by something I love (coffee) it doesn't make me anymore relaxed but I guess this is just the nature of a "work setting" even if it is a coffee shop.

I agree that I should pursue my interests a bit more, but I don't know how to go about this. It's hard.

I hugely agree with "Please try not to criticise yourself though and in particular because of isolated incidents". Thank you, from here on out I'll be more mindful of this.

x
 
daydreamsandicecreams

daydreamsandicecreams

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Joined
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Messages
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#9
Hi there,
I've come to terms with the fact I am so much better with a few close friends than many aquantancies,ive had some what I thought lovely friends pissed off on me when I could no longer give all my attention to them because I was crook.
Yeh I can be reserved and quiet people I think actually think I'm snobby Ik always acknowledge people but sometimes if people ask me a random question and my brains on something else I can't think of what to say, and then I feel awkward. I feel like I'm boring sometimes,been t even if I am,but I'm quite satisfied in my self.
Its like being called lazy but if you're happy pottering around home,sitting in the sun watching tele and youre ok about than what does it matter
Hi lovely,

Yeah, I talk to my cousin about this all the time (about how we can't make friends and the ones we do have we should appreciate even if it is 2-3 since they are worth so much more than hundreds of aquantancies). I'm sorry that happened to you, some people are not as mindful and empathetic x. Same, I think people think I'm like that too. I'm happy that you're able to say you are satisfied with yourself. I want to get to this point too. Agreed, sometimes doing that kind of stuff is what you need x
 
H

Honeyowl

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Mar 6, 2019
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#10
Hi, I can relate to EVERYTHING you just said. I often push myself to befriend people by forcing myself to be outgoing. It ends up making me feel even worse because I am not being true to myself. I appreciate this post and everyone’s tips. Xx
I hope it gets better for you!
 
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