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Help I'm the invisible woman!

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crazywifecrazylife

New member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
1
Hi,

Finally found somewhere i can talk to someone about being a partner of someone who suffers from mental health problems. Crikey it's been a long time searching..

I need to start by telling you I love my husband when he is himself but at times that seems like an impossibility.

No-one I know can understand.

A bit of background when he was 17 he was sectioned under the mental health act and i think was in hospital for a good month or so I didn't know him then however i've been told (after we were married by the way) that he was really bad hitting out communicating with who he thought were the devils accomplices and so on.

In October 2008 after we had gone through a number of serious situaitons (Iwont go into all that but it was all serious one after the other) he had another break down, he thought the devil was after him, thought our cat was communicating with the devil and passing on what we were talking about, getting messages through music and through the television scared of the dark scared of groups of people and his eyes even went to the top left of his head and got stuck and he couldn't get them down. Scarey stuff hey!

To be honest if I knew how serious his condition was i'm not sure if i would have married him but now i am i have to deal with it, don't I?

Since his breakdown I actually feel like the invisible woman, he is constantly talking to people via forums online and i do mean all the time, from when he wakes up while he is at work and as soon as he comes home from work until bed time. If he is not on the loptop he is sucked into drawing or thinking of other things to draw.

I'm a very active positive person and i'm finding it really difficult to cope. I can tell him something like "i'm going out on thursday night" a thousand times and he just wont remember, i ask him to get some milk and he will completley forget, i ask him to tidy the upstairs of the house and he will only make the bed.. When we go out for dinner or sit with my family he finds it really difficult to engage i'm sure people notice - I'M AT MY WHITS END!!!!

I know it's his illness and i love him when he's himself but i don't know how much longer i can cope with being the invisible woman!

I'm only 29 he is 30 surely there must be more to life?

Please help me.. x
 
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itsallpc

Member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
6
Hi there sorry to hear about the situation you are in. I suffer with c-ptsd and i am forgetful even lazy sometimes. I think most people with mental health issues of some sort or another get this. What i try to do i when i am really down i take the time for myself and seek quiet and peace. It can be really difficult for the people around me to cope with my outbursts and snappy attitude.

BUT.....

When i am in an ok place i try very hard to make up for the bad times. I do the washing up clean the house.. ( got a bit of ocd there lol ) I try my best to let people know how very much i appreciate them and how sorry i am that i can be negative down lazy etc.

I do not know your husbands mental health problem but if a person cares they will when they feel up to it try to to do their best. What level; is thier best is known only to the people around them. They will try and be the best person they can be WHEN they feel they can be!

The truth is no you do not have to put up with it. But that is your choice. Have you tried talking to him when he feels up to it? does he try his best? or is his illnes an excuse for you to be a slave? Is he more interested in his online life more than you? these are questions you need to ask yourself and answer CAN YOU COPE WITH IT? Maybe you are suffering?

Nobody can give you the answers those i am sorry you have to find out for yourself. Mental health is difficult but it is about balance - good and bad times!

Have you tried to be more loving, understanding, caring ? How did he react to your caring advances? Or even find out his needs? Has he told you what it is he is searching for? At the end of the day is being a doormat making it better for him?
 
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christina

New member
Joined
Aug 1, 2009
Messages
2
me too

dear crazy wife

i know how you feel, i've being living with my boyfriend for 7 years, he's the most wonderful human being in the world and i love him dearly, trouble is he has episodes that last anything from a week to six months where he turns into someone unbearable, screams at me for hours, smashes anything in his path, hates himself and on occasion thumps himself in his head.

i keep trying to find an answer, some help from anyone, but can't seem to find anyone who remotely understands. my worry is that one day i will come home and find he had committed suicide, i don't think i could ever live with myself knowing that i did nothing to help him. I feel like i'm living in someone else's nightmare, every morning i wake up and wish i wasn't here.

If i didn't love him so very much, i'd leave, but i can't leave because and I know without me he has nothing, no home, no friends, no money, he lives in a different country from his family and i feel it would seal his fate.

I don't know the answer to your pain, as i too am looking for it, but know that you are not alone.

Invisibility is one of the most isolating places in the world, and there IS more to life than this.

hang in there, i'm right behind you x x x x

x
 
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Manicmarc

Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2009
Messages
5
I just want to tell you both...I am suffering with anxiety and depression and have days, weeks , months of feeling very low.
My wife just totally ignores me , acts like I dont exist and you know what..it makes me feel a whole lot worse.
So what im saying here is you are doing a great job and I know it isnt easy..I wish my wife could be more suportive instead of turning her back on me and calling me a freak.
 
dib4uk

dib4uk

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
2,182
Location
south london,england
crazywifecrazylife,

Yes there is more to life than just being an invisable person. Who is there for you? Who do you have to talk to when things with your husband become unbarrable?

Its ok you dont have to be that invisable woman anymore, for good mental health is cruical for everyone including spouses.

Speak to your doctor about careers assistance and help, and get a referal to just to talk to someone how this can help you out. If you know what your husband is suffering from maybe there is a national organisations where you can get counseling- and more important than that find other wifes/husbands/boyfreinds/girlfriends/family/friend/support for you.

I'm not married- i dont even date, but, a marriage should be based out of love not just out of familiarity.

crazywifecrazylife - remember that your not just a wife or a career your a person with your own life and desires- maybe if you can get the support that you deserve maybe you can find a new hobbie or a direction away from the house when the going gets tough.

:grouphug:
 
schiz01

schiz01

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
721
Location
Australia
Dont know what else i can add to what has been already said except to say that communication is so very important.Maybe with help and counseling your partner would be more able to communicate with you.
 
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cally18

New member
Joined
Aug 14, 2008
Messages
3
Me too

I too am going through a similar thing, so can realy sympathise, especially the bit about no one being there for you. My husband things that the nieghbours and i are conspiring against him. We have put something in his head, that makes gives him numerous ailments, which he lists on a nightly basis, whilst calling me and tne neighbours every disgusting word you can think of, and im no prude. I have tried everywere for help, all they tell me is that if he dosent admit he has a problem, which he dosent, then there is nothing i can do, apart from trying to get him sectioned.His own doctor has told me this, after i told her what he was like, before his appointment. He came out with a referall to see an ear nose and throat specialist! I am now worried for my own health, as 2 nights ago i screamed into his face for him to leave me alone, It was a completely involuntarily action, and it scares me as to what my next one may be. He can be fine a lot of the time, it is like living with jekyl and hyde. Feel so low, as you must be feeling, have been sent home from work today, as i broke down and couldnt stop crying. We are going on holiday in 2 weeks, after that i feel my only option for my own sanity will be to leave. He is so not the man i married,
 
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