Help, I'm a right mess....

[emmygreen]

Anxiety, panic attacks, depression. All of the above! I have felt this way ever since I can remember. I cannot even recall a time when I have felt really, truly happy and well adjusted. I have a family history of mental health. My mother, brother, sister and cousin all suffer, or have done at one point. At times I feel like I just cannot function anymore.

I am finding that it is very difficult to talk to anyone, even my friends about these issues. They just don't experience it, so they don't understand it. They say "you're not crazy, there's nothing wrong with you, you're a good person" They mean that I'm not a freak or anything, but there most certainly IS something wrong with me, and I need help, and I need to discuss it. They mean well, but it's hard not to feel alone. Supposedly the area that I live in has a lot of people suffering with these types of things, but I never meet them. I don't know if there is a local support group of some kind. I am on a waiting list with the NHS to speak with someone about my problems.

It does not help that my current partner has been quite nasty and abusive as well. I don't want to go into the details. Unfortunately, I am trapped as I have a small child, and have been unable to get a job. The economy has been terrible, and times are hard indeed. So, I cannot just pick up and leave. Besides, where would I go? What would I do? Could I even deal with it in my current state?

I just feel like that Nina Simone song, "Nobody knows when you're down and out."

 

[saffron]

i know its hard, but firstly staying with you current abusive partnere is not going to help you or your child, you child will pick up on all of this and it will seriously mess her/his head up. Money aside, people bring up kids on their own all the time, which is a better option than staying in a loveless abusive relationship. I brought two up, it was not easy but we are all happy.
go to the Citizens advice brureau and ask to see someone about alternative housing and benefits. benefits do not have to be forever, but while your child is young you can build a better safer life for you both and when at school age you can then look for a part time job.
there are lots of threads on this forum that you can chat aboutt your feelings and thoughts or even start a journal on here. we have all been through different MH issues, so dont feel that you are alone. you freinds are right though, you are a good person.
S

 

[saffron]

ps: you can also try and join some mother and toddler groups to get you out and about. just a thought.
best wishes
S