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Help. I don't know what to do.

H

Hannah0

Guest
I didn't really know which forum to post my thread in, I guess it goes in a bit of all of them. I haven't felt 'well' in a long time and I really do not know what is wrong with me, but it's getting to a point where I can't stand it all anymore.
Every day I wake up with anxiety, really bad anxiety, then I'll walk to college. Whenever I go outside I get panicy or when I'm around people I panic, I always think that anyone talking or texting is talking or texting about me. I'll get to college and have panic attacks throughout the morning. When I walk down the corridors I think that everyone is looking at me, how I look, what I'm wearing, talking about me and I can hear them saying things about me. I'll carry on with anxiety, panic attacks and paranoia throughout college then walk home. I never want to go home and when I am there I'll usually feel really apathetic but sometimes I feel like I need to start doing loads of things and keep really busy. I usually cry a lot when I'm at home and sometimes self-harm. I also hear, sort of like voices, but it's different. It makes me feel confused and rushed, I'll hear someone in my head talking to me, but just as it gets to the vital point someone else (a different voice) will butt in and stop the other talking. Then they will talk until someone else butts in. This leaves me in a blank mood and I can't think or talk and it takes me a really long time to get a sentence out when I'm like this. Then I sometimes hear banging on my walls or footsteps behind me, really loud banging and footsteps, like someone is banging themselves against the wall. I also sometimes see people who I don't know or certain animals like really big rats or rabbits running across the floor. I sometimes get homicidal thoughts towards people I used to love and I feel the urge frequently to do bad things, like scratch people's cars that I know, or break the plates in the kitchen. I also feel the need to constantly lie, but I do it without realising, someone will ask me something and I will automatically lie as the response to protect myself. I think that a lot of people are always out to get me or listening to what I say or spying on me and I cry at things I wouldn't usually cry about, for example, if my mum's making something for dinner I don't like I just burst into tears.
I don't really know what is wrong with me, but there is so much stuff other than that, that's just a brief over-view. I don't feel like I can think by myself, or that I am myself.

Sorry that the post is rather long but if anyone can offer any suggestions it would be appreciated.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
if anyone can offer any suggestions it would be appreciated.
Hi Hannah, & Welcome to this Forum.

It sounds like you are really going through a lot; & that you need a lot of help & support. Are there any family members or friends that you can confide in, who you trust, & with whom you could speak openly with?

I find that helps - to be able to chat openly with people that care.

I wouldn't like to hazard a guess as to what is wrong; we are not Doctors on this site. It can also sometimes be unhelpful to have labels & psychiatric interventions. Sometimes however people do find a diagnosis & medication helps.

My personal opinion would be to search out help & support where you can, & to look at healthy ways that you can deal with these things. If things remain unmanageable to this degree, or continue, then maybe it would be best to chat with a Doctor?
 
H

Hannah0

Guest
Thank you for the reply.
I can't really talk to many of my friends or family, I don't particularly trust any of them.
The only person I have been speaking to is my girlfriend but sometimes it doesn't help.
This was really my resort, I used to have counselling and have to see different doctors and my mum hated it and used to give me a really hard time about seeing them, but that was years ago now. If I go back I think she'll just get really angry with me again.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
You have to do what is right for you, & go with your own feelings on this I think.
 
M

maudikie

Guest
Hi! Hannahho. I think you should see your doctor. Do you really need at this point to tell your mother that you are going to see him? I don''t know how old you are. School can be very difficult for some people. Why did your mother not like you going to the doctor before? It is, after all her duty to see that you keep well. Does your mother go out to work? Is your father at home, or is your mother a single parent?
I hope these questions don't worry you. but they may have some bearing on how you are feeling at present. Please don't start cutting yourself. That is no answer to your problems and you will regret any scars that you leave when you get a bit older.
Life is hard work for some growing up, and I imagine you are a teenager. Teens don't last for ever, and try to concentrate on what you would like to do when you leave school. But DO see your doctor and get proper advice.
 
ally41

ally41

Well-known member
Joined
May 21, 2010
Messages
788
Location
UK
There should be some counselling available for you somewhere in your area, try your local womens centre. It should benefit you to talk to someone professional who can help you organise your thoughts and this may be enough. If you're feeling really desperate, you can ring the samaritans, they're not just for suicidal people and can be really helpful. I sometimes ring them when I'm having a panic attack and they've always been great. Good luck xx
 
H

Hannah0

Guest
I don't need to tell her but she always finds out, I tell the doctors to contact me on my mobile but since she found out last time she checks who's rang me. I'm 17 at the moment in college and I'm not sure why my mum didn't like me going last time, she just said that everything wrong with her (smoking, drinking, etc) was due to me because I stressed her out with self-harming and seeing doctors and that I embarrassed her. My mum goes to work and she's a single parent, her boyfriend lives with us but I don't really see my dad that much.
Thank you all for the advice.
 
H

HopeforLife

New member
Joined
May 18, 2010
Messages
3
Hannah
Firstly try try and try again to realise you are not alone ok.
Secondly, my opinion from what you have described is a disorder of the personality.
Also because you are experiencing Psychotic episodes during your crises I would say you
may be manifesting either Bi-Polar Disorder or the emergence of Schizophrenia.
What you need to do is get yourself to a Consultant A.S.A.P and get good sound
professional help.
Hannah. Believe me you are not alone and the fear you are going through are symptoms
of a Mental Illness. You are not abnormal or evil or any one of a number of negative emotions
you will be feeling.
Try to remain calm and strong until you get the much needed help of a professional ok.
With Ya All The Way
Hopeforlife....
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Secondly, my opinion from what you have described is a disorder of the personality.
Also because you are experiencing Psychotic episodes during your crises I would say you
may be manifesting either Bi-Polar Disorder or the emergence of Schizophrenia.
Are you a consultant psychiatrist? Impressive that you can make a diagnosis over 1 post, I'm impressed.
 
S

schizolanza

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
3,160
Hi Hannah.Please think about talking to a Doctor.You could make an appointment with your GP.Try not to worry about your mum's reaction as whats really important is your health.
 
S

schizolanza

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
3,160
Are you a consultant psychiatrist? Impressive that you can make a diagnosis over 1 post, I'm impressed.
So am I ! It's just wrong to make a diagnosis on the forum even if you are trying to help!
 
H

Hannah0

Guest
I think I might go see a doctor, today's been really bad. I had a moment this morning where I really wasn't myself and an incident earlier which I think could lead onto something else. I'm just really scared of what my mum will say.
 
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