• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Help, I don’t understand

L

Lex

Active member
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
41
Location
Uk
I don’t understand what I am doing things for. I’m self-harming in various ways but I don’t know why or what even makes me do it?

I have been ill in hospital with infections after self-harm but blamed it on a bad cut on a nail in the garden. I have been sick at home after self-harm. I want to contract bad illness like cancer (I have already survived cancer previously and now feel I should be ill again)

I don’t understand why though. I know it’s not rational. I don’t think I willgain super powers, or anything delusional in that way. I don’t think I have a voice telling me (inner dialogue can be annoying though). I just do stuff, I think either I am mentally disturbed or I am the true definition of‘stupid’.
I know it’s stupid but I can’t stop, although I make sure I don’t do anything too obvious to end up back n hospital. I think I’m very good at manipulating myself.

Is it a call-for-help? Doesn’t feel like it. Does it act as a release? Not usually - sometime in hospital helped reduce stress but only for a little time. Do I do it to feel pain? No not at all, last time I had 5 surgeries in a fortnight and still healing.

in my life I have always suffered from some degree of depression. I feel friendless, different, Not accepted by others at work and outside of work. I find socialising to be okay but very hard work. I’m so tired and lack energy. I have chronic pain which holds me back.

I just don’t think understand what I’m doing self-harm for. It can be complicated and convoluted like I’m living in a story..... ?? It’s making me sad that I behave like this.
 
H

Headingtothelight

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2020
Messages
159
Location
scotland
everyone self harms in different ways but if your getting infection and being hospitalised it’s not good...
do you feel like you want to punish yourself for something?
or feel your not good enough?
Take some time to really think things through
 
L

Lex

Active member
Joined
Dec 7, 2019
Messages
41
Location
Uk
I’m not sure..I don’t always think I need to be punished. Sometimes I’m not good enough and I set high standards for everyone around me but often fail to meet them myself and other time I think it’s like I’m in ‘a play’ or a film. It comes and goes, sometimes ho long periods of time without doing anything (months years) then seem to get into a phase of becoming a bit obsessed but always in a way that can be explained.
I know it’s not right, can’t seem to break away from it, dangerous but keep drawn back to it
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Have you ever had any therapy? Sometimes self harm is done because the person cannot vocalise how they are feeling. You feeling you need to be punished tells me you have very little self worth. I am very sorry you feel this way about yourself.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
18,954
Location
England
Hi,
I'm sorry your struggling, this thread has some good info on it.
Have you ever had a mental health assessment? Ask your GP to refer you.
Please do get help.
Hugs
 
P

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
I don’t understand what I am doing things for. I’m self-harming in various ways but I don’t know why or what even makes me do it?
You need to go on a journey of self discovery to answer these questions. Take a day off from whatever you do, spend time in the house working on what makes you tick and also what causes you to self harm. Good luck.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
K Is there any help out there .... Self Harm Forum 19
R PLEASE HELP :( Self Harm Forum 2
D Need help Self Harm Forum 1
S Should I again offer my friend help to look for online therapy? Self Harm Forum 4
R Does life actually get better? What does it take to get actual help? Self Harm Forum 11
D Help: i talk to my self too much defending my abusers Self Harm Forum 3
F I don’t know how to ask for help Self Harm Forum 4
Takingmybrain Itl get me help Self Harm Forum 5
M Help please Self Harm Forum 36
D Please get help for self harming as soon as you can. My story Self Harm Forum 3
S I don't know how to cope anymore Self Harm Forum 2
EEB I don't know what to do Self Harm Forum 2
TheLonelyMan I just don't care anymore Self Harm Forum 4
Mummyoftwo I don't want to be here.. Self Harm Forum 20
Fairy Fountain I don't feel good. Self Harm Forum 7
F i want to die but don't have the guts to do anything Self Harm Forum 8
TheSadnessWillLastForever I don't want to be alive Self Harm Forum 3
TheSadnessWillLastForever Don't want to get better Self Harm Forum 3
S I don't know why Self Harm Forum 4
F i hate my life right now i am in pain i don't know how to get out of this feeling Self Harm Forum 4
T Just need to vent. I don't really have many people to lean on when things get hard. Not that I trust with this anyway. Self Harm Forum 5
M I don't want to stop Self Harm Forum 12
N I feel invalid because they don't scar badly... Self Harm Forum 13
frenchiebpd I have a strong urge to self harm and don't know how to get rid of it Self Harm Forum 2
E Is it triggering if I don't cover my scars? Self Harm Forum 8

Similar threads

Top