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Help for an 'all or nothing' mentality

R

Rooooo997

Active member
Joined
Jun 19, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Uk
Hi everyone.

My 'all or nothing' approach to life is causing me a big problem.

I have a certain standard I need to maintain in order to feel contented with life. This standard i talk about is kind of a list I need to be on top of at all times which includes things like housework, diet, sleep routine and chores. (There are more things but I won't list them all)

Anyway, when I am on top of the list I feel in control and really happy with life but the opposite happens if I'm not on top and I dip into a really deep depression where I just can't do anything and even the basic of tasks seem impossible.

Typical reasons I fall off may include:

Falling off the healthy eating plan (this causes massive binge eating sessions and throws me into the depression)

Tiredness preventing me keeping on top of some of the jobs (then the jobs pile up and end up in the depression)

Not tidying up before bed (due to various reasons... Usually tiredness but sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day) this means I come down to a messy house and leads me into the depression

There are many other reasons I fall off but they are just some examples.

Anyway, My ideal solution would be to find a way to be able to keep on top of this list forever! but seeing as most of my life has been a consistent cycle of either being 'on it' or 'off it' (in other words I'm either in control and happy or seriously depressed) I'm realising I need to change my approach to life.

The cycle is typically about 4 weeks 'on top' and 3 months 'depressed' although during the depressed months I often have a few days where I attempt to get back on top but it'll only last a few days

I have tried to break myself away from all or nothing thinking but I just can't seem to do it. I like the sense of being in control and that feeling is enough of a reward to make me do the things I need to do (when I'm 'on it)'... Like the chores, eating well and exercising etc and I love that feeling but unless I'm achieving 'perfection' I don't get that reward and everything just feels mundane and pointless and I get depressed.

as I write this I know I have a huge problem but I just cannot seem to function unless I'm living up to the standards I have set myself.

any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated because at the moment I haven't showered or got dressed for 4 days, I have binge eaten McDonald's and biscuits and crap for weeks and every day I wake up and wish the day away so I can go back to bed.
 
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