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Help for a potentially serious problem

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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
310
Hi everyone thanks for selecting my thread. I've been posting here a lot lately because I've been having some serious issues. First of all I want to ask a question and I'd like some kind opinions. I feel my depression has been very bad for quite awhile now but its not necessarily a constant thing. I go through bouts where a depression will last from minutes to hours, even days or weeks. It was more of a periodic thing but lately its been getting worse. I want to ask how bad you think it is and if I need to seriously consider getting help.

I'm a male in my twenties. I have some problems. I feel I have such a doom full outlook on life. It seems almost impossible to keep a positive outlook on life and so much easier to have a pessimistic one. Its just more then natural for my mind to wander negative thoughts and paths. I struggle so much in simple day to day life and I've had suicidal thoughts before but I haven't really been too suicidal if that makes sense. In my hottest most stressful moments I've thought it'd be easier if I just took my life. I feel so restricted and trapped and I just don't know why. When I get into a bad vibe its very hard to get rid of. I feel like something terrible is going to happen to me at almost every moment. I experience more anxiety and depression then I do joy and pleasure these days it seems. I have nightmares often. Going on a vacation recently was nice at least. I just feel like everything is so pointless and like I stand no chance. I have paralyzing social anxiety from many past events and I've posted about some of them before here.

I worry a lot about life. I worry about feeling trapped having to work every day. I'm not lazy in my own opinion but others will vary. Its not just feeling trapped I go through hell feeling this way. Any commitment makes me feel trapped and restricted. Feeling like a prisoner or a hellion. I self medicate. I smoke cannabis on almost a nightly basis. For awhile I felt that was helping but lately when I'm 'medicated' I just feel awful, trapped, overwhelmed and all my negative emotions are strongly amplified. I'm going to try quitting but its hard. I also take kratom and kava, two awesome calming herbs I would highly recommend but research them first if you wish to use them.

I've seen how awful people can be to each other and I'm terrified if I put myself out there I'll get hurt again. I feel like everywhere I go everyone is watching me, judging me to be this awful creepy person. I took prozac for a good five years and that did help but I quit taking it two years ago because it was causing me to gain a lot of weight.

Lately my emotions have just been tumultuous. I've been having crying spells a lot more then ever before, for seemingly no reason. I used to go months-years without crying. I also go through bouts of extreme dysphoria, helplessness, anxiety, and even anger-rage. I just feel so unstable. I've been trying to get past this for so long so I can be a good happy productive member of society. I've tried serving and helping others, medication, spicing up my life with variety, but this dark demonic mentality just follows me everywhere. I honestly feel like life is two sided. You can have a positive outlook and that's great if you're strong enough but I feel so consumed, weak and helpless so I get sucked into these toxic thoughts. Sorry if this post is nasty but its honestly how I feel. Thanks if you read all of this.
 
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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
310
I exercise a lot. I walk from 2-4 miles every day on my hikes. I also go on vigorous runs a few times a week and am actually decently fit so thats at least good. Anyway I eat healthy for the most part and I take vitamin supplements. I think my diet is well balanced. I have a sweet tooth though which has been problematic because I love to binge on sweets and I binge pretty hard sometimes. My short term memory is very bad right now and its honestly scaring me. I worry I may not be able to be a normal functioning member of society.

I eat only a few basic things like whole grains breads, oatmeal, natural organic peanut butter, a little fruit and veggies, with some meat and dairy products. Sugar has a mild impact on my mood for better and worse.

In high school I came down with some serious depression and anxiety. It was really bad. I was always consumed and wrapped up in my ocd and depression and I could barely get school work done. I could barely eat and I refused to eat sometimes so my parents forced me to the doctor and had blood tests done. I had toxic amounts of copper in my blood and body, like ten times the normal amount. My doctor said he'd never seen anyone with such amounts and wondered how it became like that. He said that was a cause of depression and anxiety, to have high toxic metals in your body. My depression and anxiety was very bad for a few years, ages 15-17 and slowly tapered off and I actually became a healthy happy minded person for a few years after but I've relapsed and spiraled back into depression and anxiety.
 
Last edited:
NeedHaldol

NeedHaldol

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2017
Messages
185
Are you taking any kind of meds?
 
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