Help for a loved one who self harms

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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#1
Someone I really love goes through fazes of self harm. I am worried about them. I'm afraid they will wind up getting infected or going too deep and dying. I've talked about this to them before. They always promise they will stop but never do. That person suffers severe mental illnesses too. What should I do? Please help me. I don't wanna lose that person. :panic::panic::panic::cry2::cry2::cry2:
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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#2
that sounds really hard ,i think all you can do is what you are doing now and be there for them
as a self harmer myself i can tell you it really isn't easy to stop
you could research online 'safe' ways to self harm ,to reduce the risk of infection and need for stitches

they are so very lucky to have somebody like you who cares so much for them
lots of love to you
sorry if i wasn't much help ,bit low on words today
love Lu xx
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#3
Thank you Fairy Lu. This helped a lot. That's a good idea. Sorry you self harm too. :hug::hug::hug:
 
K

Kab3535

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#4
Support for self-harm

In my experience working with teen girls who self-harmed, self-harm is often a cry for help. It sounds like you are already reaching out, I would encourage you to continue to offer your support to the individual. I would caution you though not to only reach out on that issue. Depending on why someone self-harms, giving attention to the act (negative or positive) can reinforce that behavior..but that doesn’t mean not to give the individual support and attention, just try not to only give you attention to the act or to the individual when engaged in the act. Sometimes individuals can feed on the attention and see self-harm as a way to obtain it. I recommend making your affections unrelated to self-harm...which you probably are already doing.

Is she/he open to getting help? Do you have an open relationship where you can talk about issues? Your support can make a huge difference…and if she/he is open to help, professionals can teach other coping techniques. Though…I always think it is best to get to the bottom of the underlying issues when possible. Sometimes self-harm can be an indicator that other issues are in play, (cyber) bullying, sexual abuse, rejection, believing lies about ones self-worth...etc
 
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I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#5
In my experience working with teen girls who self-harmed, self-harm is often a cry for help. It sounds like you are already reaching out, I would encourage you to continue to offer your support to the individual. I would caution you though not to only reach out on that issue. Depending on why someone self-harms, giving attention to the act (negative or positive) can reinforce that behavior..but that doesn’t mean not to give the individual support and attention, just try not to only give you attention to the act or to the individual when engaged in the act. Sometimes individuals can feed on the attention and see self-harm as a way to obtain it. I recommend making your affections unrelated to self-harm...which you probably are already doing.

Is she/he open to getting help? Do you have an open relationship where you can talk about issues? Your support can make a huge difference…and if she/he is open to help, professionals can teach other coping techniques. Though…I always think it is best to get to the bottom of the underlying issues when possible. Sometimes self-harm can be an indicator that other issues are in play, (cyber) bullying, sexual abuse, rejection, believing lies about ones self-worth...etc
Thank you for your advice and care. That person refuses to get help though. That person doesn't like talking about their problems either and we are very close too. I will keep trying to give that person support. :hug:
 
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I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#6
In my experience working with teen girls who self-harmed, self-harm is often a cry for help. It sounds like you are already reaching out, I would encourage you to continue to offer your support to the individual. I would caution you though not to only reach out on that issue. Depending on why someone self-harms, giving attention to the act (negative or positive) can reinforce that behavior..but that doesn’t mean not to give the individual support and attention, just try not to only give you attention to the act or to the individual when engaged in the act. Sometimes individuals can feed on the attention and see self-harm as a way to obtain it. I recommend making your affections unrelated to self-harm...which you probably are already doing.

Is she/he open to getting help? Do you have an open relationship where you can talk about issues? Your support can make a huge difference…and if she/he is open to help, professionals can teach other coping techniques. Though…I always think it is best to get to the bottom of the underlying issues when possible. Sometimes self-harm can be an indicator that other issues are in play, (cyber) bullying, sexual abuse, rejection, believing lies about ones self-worth...etc
:welcome: to the forum too by the way. I hope you join right in and post more. :hug:
 
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Kab3535

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#7
That is a hard position to be in when they are not looking for help...but it also makes your role in there life all the more valuable and important. Some people need a lot of patience and will slowely open up over months or sometimes years. Is there anyone they are open with, or are they closed off about personal matters to all?

Do they write? Sometimes journaling can be very theraputic...or some people may be more comfortable writting letters. I know I have written letters to people about things that I was never able to bring up in person. I also have felt more loved by letters from others than things said...I keep a letter from a good friend close by and read it when I am feeling down.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#8
That is a hard position to be in when they are not looking for help...but it also makes your role in there life all the more valuable and important. Some people need a lot of patience and will slowely open up over months or sometimes years. Is there anyone they are open with, or are they closed off about personal matters to all?

Do they write? Sometimes journaling can be very theraputic...or some people may be more comfortable writting letters. I know I have written letters to people about things that I was never able to bring up in person. I also have felt more loved by letters from others than things said...I keep a letter from a good friend close by and read it when I am feeling down.
That person doesn't open up to anyone. That person only opens to me on rare times. That person tried journaling and said the journaling triggered them and made them worse. I hope they just stop. Thanks. :hug:
 
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Kab3535

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#9
I hope they stop too! I also hope they will seek out your support and be more willing to open up. Perhaps if you could remember some of the times they were most open with you...and see if there were any commonalities, that may help you know if there are any factors that puts the individual in a more open state. For example, I observed one friend who I noticed was more open to serious discussions when he was in a small group of people in a home environment at night. Not sure why these factors led to more openness, but I observed that those were always the conditions for serious discussions.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#10
I hope they stop too! I also hope they will seek out your support and be more willing to open up. Perhaps if you could remember some of the times they were most open with you...and see if there were any commonalities, that may help you know if there are any factors that puts the individual in a more open state. For example, I observed one friend who I noticed was more open to serious discussions when he was in a small group of people in a home environment at night. Not sure why these factors led to more openness, but I observed that those were always the conditions for serious discussions.
I will try and do that. :hug: That person self harmed again two nights ago. I was wondering if I should just tell a mental health crisis team? I don't want that person to feel betrayed though. :shrug:
 
H

Helena1

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#11
How bad is the SH? Is it very serious? What would the consequences of you speaking to the MH crisis team be?

I would not try to pressure the person to stop as when they fail they will just feel worse about failing and breaking the promise.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#12
How bad is the SH? Is it very serious? What would the consequences of you speaking to the MH crisis team be?

I would not try to pressure the person to stop as when they fail they will just feel worse about failing and breaking the promise.
That person doesn't get too deep and cleans the wounds at least. I don't know what would happen if I told the mental health crisis team. I just don't know what to do. :cry:
 
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Helena1

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#13
That person doesn't get too deep and cleans the wounds at least. I don't know what would happen if I told the mental health crisis team. I just don't know what to do. :cry:
so it is not life threatening then. Unless it is life threatening I wouldn't interfere myself. Try not to worry, loads of people self harm and very few die from it. I think you are have a thing about SH and think it is a lot higher risk that it actually is.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#14
so it is not life threatening then. Unless it is life threatening I wouldn't interfere myself. Try not to worry, loads of people self harm and very few die from it. I think you are have a thing about SH and think it is a lot higher risk that it actually is.
Thank you. I just don't want to report that person and have bad medication shoved down their throat. I couldn't live with myself if I did that and that person had terrible side effects from meds. I just wish they would stop. :(
 
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