HELP: End of my rope

[FastLaneC3]

Ok, I've done everything possible in regards to asking for help and nobody is realizing how bad the situation is getting. I feel like I have to hold a gun to my head for them to realize how exhautsed and in pain I am. I don't want to do this anymore and nobody is listening.

 

[Emily-Rose]

What's making you feel like this?

Please hang on, I'm listening to you. Talk to me.

Emily.x

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi Fastlane

Is there anyone you can call in Canada?
I'm going to be online for a while too, if you want to chat?

 

[FastLaneC3]

I've tried so many different resources and everybody around me just keeps reaching out, only to get frustrated and walk away.

It went from me not being able to make it through the day and using sleep as an escape, to sleep becoming just as terrorizing as daylight hours. Its like now theres zero relief. My regular self harm can't even take my mind off of it. I just want help but I can't explain to anybody how bad the pain is, they just can't even begin to understand so they don't believe this amount of pain can exist. The ptsd/depression is literally killing me

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi Fastlane

Have you tried EMDR or NLP for your flashbacks? If other treatments have failed these may be something that may work for you?
There is a thread about it here:

http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/showthread.php?t=5498

There's also a tip on there for if you wake up from night terrors.

I can understand about the pain. I had this horrible pain in my chest for years and years, it felt paralysing, so much hurt and grief, I thought it would never go. But eventually it did when I practice these skills. It is all about letting go of emotional pain, and although it takes time, with practice it does work. It might be worth giving it a try?

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/letting_go.html

I also practice something called Radical Acceptance. It is about fully accepting what you can not change, like your past and your memories. It is not about saying that what happened was okay. But accepting that it has happened and there is nothing you can do about it.
Sometimes you have to do it over and over, I certainly did. I spent most of my time getting upset about things that happened, wishing it hadn't as if somehow that would change it. But i couldn't, it happened and it's over, and alot of my pain went when I fully accepted that, and stopped fighting it.

You know most of human misery is caused by dwelling and regretting the past or fearing the future. Sometimes it is worth reminding yourself that all we really have and should be concerned about is the moment we are in. Mindfulness can help with this. There is alot on the web about it, it might be worth looking into it.

But please do look at that link on letting go of your emotions. It comes from a form of treatment called DBT that I went through. DBT is aimed at people with BPD, and one of the causes of BPD can be PTSD, which is why they have exercises in there that can help with it. In fact the second course of DBT is all about dealing with PTSD. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me

 

[FastLaneC3]

Is it ok if you have the means to harm, to call someone to remove them?

 

[*Sapphire*]

I think it is Fastlane, yes. If you can remove them yourself when you do not feel like self harming even better.
I have even gone as far as driving to my therapist and giving her the meds I don't need (taking out the ones I needed for the next couple of days) when I was feeling vulnerable then picking them up after a couple of days when I felt a bit better. I have also been told you can do this at the chemist (in the UK though, best to check in Canada).
My husband has also hidden things from me with my consent when I was feeling down.
If you can remove your harming stuff, you can always get some more. But hopefully by the time you get out, to the shops etc, you would have changed your mind, and the feeling would have passed. I think it is good to have that stop point, where it forces you to re-evaluate whether you really want to get it. If it is easily accessible and you don't have that stop point, it is harder to resist the temptation.

I hope you are feeling okay now.

 

[dib4uk]

Ok, I've done everything possible in regards to asking for help and nobody is realizing how bad the situation is getting. I feel like I have to hold a gun to my head for them to realize how exhautsed and in pain I am. I don't want to do this anymore and nobody is listening.

Aww hon, I dont know the medical procedure in Canada as im from the UK, but, if things are that bad for your cant you just walk into a hospital and demand treatment to be heard.

Does the Canadian medical provision have specific hospitals that deal with mental health problems in your area?