Hi Fastlane
Have you tried EMDR or NLP for your flashbacks? If other treatments have failed these may be something that may work for you?
There is a thread about it here:
http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/showthread.php?t=5498
There's also a tip on there for if you wake up from night terrors.
I can understand about the pain. I had this horrible pain in my chest for years and years, it felt paralysing, so much hurt and grief, I thought it would never go. But eventually it did when I practice these skills. It is all about letting go of emotional pain, and although it takes time, with practice it does work. It might be worth giving it a try?
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/letting_go.html
I also practice something called Radical Acceptance. It is about fully accepting what you can not change, like your past and your memories. It is not about saying that what happened was okay. But accepting that it has happened and there is nothing you can do about it.
Sometimes you have to do it over and over, I certainly did. I spent most of my time getting upset about things that happened, wishing it hadn't as if somehow that would change it. But i couldn't, it happened and it's over, and alot of my pain went when I fully accepted that, and stopped fighting it.
You know most of human misery is caused by dwelling and regretting the past or fearing the future. Sometimes it is worth reminding yourself that all we really have and should be concerned about is the moment we are in. Mindfulness can help with this. There is alot on the web about it, it might be worth looking into it.
But please do look at that link on letting go of your emotions. It comes from a form of treatment called DBT that I went through. DBT is aimed at people with BPD, and one of the causes of BPD can be PTSD, which is why they have exercises in there that can help with it. In fact the second course of DBT is all about dealing with PTSD. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me
