- Dec 16, 2009
Growing up, I never had a boyfriend for more than 6 months because eventually I couldn't stand the site of them and I would move on. I always cheated on my boyfriends without giving it a second thought. I was just always hungry for a new relationship (and the excitement that went with it). My husband is the first person that I have ever been with for more than a short period of time. In Feb, we will be married for 6 years. Our relationship has it's ups and downs, but mostly, we get along. I was diagnosed with depression and a mood disorder and possible PTSD a little while back and since been medicated. I do see a slight improvement in myself. The only thing that keeps rearing it's ugly head though is my constant need for something new. I go through periods (maybe a few weeks) where I love my husband dearly. I think he's so attractive, I want to be close to him and be intimate. Then, I'll go through another period (usually longer than the blissful period) where I loath him. I can't stand the site of him. I dream about being with someone else. Everything he says makes me want to endlessly role my eyes and the thought of having sex with him makes my skin crawl. Then, a few weeks later, I'm back in the blissful period. Does anyone think that this is something associated with my mental illness or am I just monogamously challenged? The constant up and down of my feelings towards him is exhausting. I just wish my mind would pick a feeling and stick with it. Anyone had a similar experience?