help , advise please

[justsomeone00]

hi everyone,
Ive never done anything like this before but i feel the time is right to reach out.
I have been with my wife for 8 years (married for 4). at the start things were brilliant she was best friend and we did everything together. it all changed when i moved into a new career. i spent 4 years working on public transport (buses) my personality completely changed. i was such a laid back person and happy always positive. this changed to being mood constantly always falling asleep when watching tv. i have since moved on from that job and a year down the line i still feel im the same person to a degree . my wife and i are having issues at the moment especially with lockdown i find it hard to take a interest in her and her work. she feels like i dont love her anymore and if theres something she wants to tell me shes frightened that ill have a go at her if she says it wrong. i love my wife more than anything and i want to make her happy, outside of the house im myself and can deal with anything but inside its like my personality completely changes. it seems to getting worse more than anything and if continues i know its the end of the marriage. thanks for taking the time to read and please any helpful suggestions would be really appreciated.

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Perhaps it's time to see a marriage counselor?

 

[StillDepressed]

Reading in-between the lines as you are asking on a Mental Health Forum and you have said you changed due to a job? And outside the house you are 'yourself' or are you wearing an invisible mask outside?
Do you think stress or something else is affecting you and in turn your relationship?

 

[justsomeone00]

thanks for your reply, its my personality that's effecting the marriage more than anything. wearing a invincible mask outside is something ive never thought about. that makes sense to me though. i dont provide any support or help to my wife its like ive lost all instrest in the house all together. like i feel no matter what i do its never good enough and my wife claims she just wants the old me back. so i need to speak to someone about the way i am which in turn maybe change my home life also. but thanks for your replys didnt know what to expect posting this.

 

[Ian Haines]

When you add this "I love my wife more than anything and i want to make her happy..." to everything else you've said, I'd say that you were suffering from clinical depression.

Can you give more examples of what you mean when you say that you, "...don't provide any support or help to my wife..."?

 

[candycane]

@justsomeone00 Maybe try sending your wife some flowers. Also have you been evaluated for having depression? Reason, you sound like your depressed. One sign is you lose enjoyment,in things you use to like doing. How long has this been going on,I mean like a week,a month, a year,six months,or did it just start recently?

 

[OCDguy]

It's easy to fall into routines, and it's also easy for patterns to form from those routines including how you and your wife relate to each other. Add to that a lockdown and routines can become worse and perhaps homelife stagnant. How is your wife coping with the lockdown, have you considered taking time out to listen to each other and form a better understanding of everything that is going on in both your lives at the moment, or not as the case maybe. Perhaps helping out more with domestic chores could be progress and take some of the weight off your wife's shoulders? Changing routines might add a bit of positive energy into the home and your relationship (as long as they are welcomed by the pair of you). As others have said have you also considered relationship counselling? Hope this helps