Hello

[elldee91]

Hi
I've just signed up to this site hoping someone can maybe shed some light on how i'm feeling / what's wrong with me.
Background is -
I'm almost 19 - I've been going out with my boyfriend on and off for 2 years with us seeing no one inbetween. We keep on breaking up for the same reason however which is me and how i react to things (which i will explain). This time though we want to really give it a shot as we really love each other and he wants to help me through it instead of giving up. We both think there's definately something wrong with me but we don't know what so i'm hoping by telling you my symptoms one of you guys might be able to relate to it and help me ? I have a strong feeling that something from the past has a lot to do with how I am nowadays.
2008 during the summer i was in ibiza and i was raped in a toilet in a club. I never saw the attackers face or have an idea who he is and i haven't really ever opened up to anyone about it. After it happened I couldn't let my boyfriend touch me apart from hugging and kissing for about a month and i cried everytime rape happened or was mentioned on t.v for about 4 months after it. When i stopped doing this though i thought i'd pretty much got over it but we think this might be what's changed me into this new person
Nowadays -
I seem to not be able to trust my boyfriend even though I have no reason not to - he has never cheated on me or given me any reason not to be able to trust him. When he says things like I'm going to bed for some reason I think he is lying to me - maybe to get rid of me for a while or something I don't know but my automatic reaction is to not believe him. As soon as we're not together i'm constantly thinking is he looking at other girls that are prettier than me and i begin to cry. It seems I constantly think negatively - for example - a girl came into his work wearing boots that i have and he texted me saying it made him smile because it reminded him of me... i replied with did she look better in them than me? Surely this can't be a normal reaction He is only ever nice to me and still I can't seem to think positively about us. He texts me every morning and night telling me he loves me so it's the first thing i wake up to and the last thing i look at it night and sometimes i throw it back in his face saying what were you doing up until that time? I just feel constantly scared / threatened about what he ISN'T actually doing
However, when i'm with him i don't have these fears - i just feel like we love each other and i'm extremely happy beyond belief. It seems i go from such highs to complete lows when im not with him.
Does anyone know if i'm possibly depressed or something i could be suffering from and how to help? Sorry for long ass post - just trying to make sure i get everything in there so maybe someone understands. And i wasn't sure where to post so just put it in here!
Louise.

 

[SimonB]

Hi

Hi

I'm no expert, but somethings going on...very strong link with anxiety. Have you spoken to your GP about your anxiety??

There's lots of help out there
Simon

 

[elldee91]

I haven't no, I thought i'd gather a few opinions first of what it is that's possibly wrong then i'd be able to go in and speak to him about it.
Thanks

 

[SimonB]

I know it is difficult experiencing those kind of things and also having to deal with the fact that something isn't right. Hopefully you've got a good GP

 

[quality factor]

Hi and to the forum,
I hope you find it helpful.

Maybe you need to talk to your GP who might recommend some form of counselling which could be helpful to you.

Good luck...

QF.

 

[Greysunday]

Sounds like PTSD from what I gather. Seek help, there are good and true people out there

 

[elldee91]

Thanks for the replies guys. I've looked out some numbers and places to go to in my area to phone and visit and see if I can get any help - also going to phone and get an appointment with my gp as soon as possible for some professional confirmation of what it is.
Thanks for your help everyone