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Notmyself

Notmyself

New member
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
3
Location
Manchester
It's my first visit here and from reading some of the posts I can recognise a lot of the feelings I experience, and have done for more or less the last 10 years.

I'm 26 and I think I have a personality that makes me prone to depression -always quite shy, self conscious, feeling like I didn't quite fit in when I was at school etc. I was first treated for depression when I was 18 when university didn't turn out to be the fantastic gala of like minded drinking buddies I always thought it would be. I was hugely disappointed by the whole experience and found it isolating. I find it quite hard to connect with people and only made a few close bonds, ironically with people experiencing the same feelings as me. I had to take some time out from university as things got on top of me, but I did eventually complete my degree. During this time I tried drug therapy (Citalopram, Effexor, Paroxetine, Sertraline...) and talking therapy (CBT, counselling, psychodynamic psychotherapy...) and although these helped me to understand my problems they could not shake the underlying cynicism and belief that this was the way I was made.

For several years I simply accepted this was how I was and carried on trying to make the best of it. Now I'm in my late 20s it is starting to become apparent how much damage this has done to my ability to make friends and relate to people. I am uncomfortable in social situations and feel I have to hide my real self, whatever that is. Lately I am struggling to get by day by day and tomorrow I am returning to the GP tomorrow after a gap of several years to get back on the drugs'n'talking treadmill, which fills me with dread and not a great deal of hope, but I can't see any other way forward.

I'd welcome any comments from anyone who can identify this situation. Thank you for reading.

xx
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
Hey Notmyself,

Welcome to the forum - hope you enjoy your time here. :welcome:

It has been a long haul for me but recovery is possible...and I am perhaps half-way along. Things look much more positive from here. I left a huge gap too....never really getting/seeking much help the first time (long story). So....only fairly recently have I asked for the help I have long needed...and, well, things are looking up.

Hope you feel more hopeful soon. Recovery can and does happen.

Take care. :flowers:
 
Sophie

Sophie

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
3,214
Location
Spain
Hi and :welcome:
Sorry to hear that you have had a tough time. I hope that you can sort something out with your GP. You will get a lot of support and advice here. Everyone is very friendly, and some will be able to relate with what you are going through.
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Hi Not Myself. You sound like a younger version of myself except i am only now getting the self awareness that you seem to have from what you have written. I am finding therapy useful at the moment. Although you have had it before maybe some more would be useful to help you.
Take care.
KP
 
Notmyself

Notmyself

New member
Joined
Jun 17, 2009
Messages
3
Location
Manchester
Thanks all of you for your kind messages.

I saw my GP, having just registered at a new surgery I was apprehensive having had some bad experiences with unsympathetic, uninterested doctors previously. However this doctor was keen to listen and help which does make a difference. I am getting referred for some talking therapy which will no doubt be a long wait but at least the process has started. I said I was reluctant to take antidepressants unless I felt I really had to. This is really because last time I had them they made my relationship difficult because of the effects on libido etc. I expect lots of you know what I mean (by the way are there any that aren't so bad that way?).

I've had a bad day today and feel like the living dead. Is there anything worse than sitting in alone on a friday because you don't feel up to being around people? What I am most worried about is that I won't be able to engage with the therapy again. It's been going on so long I wonder if this feeling is so ingrained that it is part of me and can't ever change. Surely this can't be what it's going to be like forever.

xx
 
Sophie

Sophie

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
3,214
Location
Spain
Hi Notmyself,
I am really glad that you went to the doctors, it is so easy to chang your mind and not go. I did this at the start of my illness. I am really pleased that your new doctor actually listened to you and was sympathetic. I know what you mean about anti depressants, but if you need them please take them. I hope that you get an appointment through, for the talking therapy very soon.
I'm sorry that you had a bad day yesterday, hope that you feel much better today.
 
L

littlemiss436

Active member
Joined
Jun 20, 2009
Messages
26
Location
on the edge of nowhere
Hi Notmyself,

Wow, you sound so much like me.

All I can say is good luck. I'm off to the Doc's next week to ask for some ADs after 18 months off, so I sympathise.

I think it's cycles - sometimes things are ok and its easier to cope, and other times it's not so good and so you need some additional help. It sounds like you're like me in that it's something in our personalities that just tends towards depression (aren't we lucky?! :LOL: yes I have to laugh about it, its one of the ways I cope) and so when things get down, it's ok to get help. Trying to think positive does help me. Sometimes. When I'm not in the grips of a downer!!

I'm very anti-drugs (for me personally), but I accept that sometimes they have their uses and if you've got to the point where you think you need them, then it's a case of accepting it and going with it.

I started going to Cognative Analytical Therapy which is really good.
Unfortunately financial things have changed recently so I might not be able to continue with it, but it certainly sounded promising! :rolleyes:

Good luck. And don't be down on yourself :grouphug:

Lil.
 
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