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Hello

S

simplydifferend

Active member
Joined
Jul 12, 2021
Messages
38
Location
Czech republic
Hello, I found this forum on the internet. I want to introduce myself to you.
I am 21 years old. My fears started, hell I dont even remember exactly, but maybe it was when I was cca 14. I was part of the dancing group and it was my first whole week trip to another country. I liked my friends and I was usually very talkative. But one night I find myself somewhere else, when people around me have been talking. I felt like I was drowning, I couldnt participate in conversation, I was numb or something like that, I had irational fear, I really didnt understand then. So I went to the bathroom and I felt like crying (maybe I was), I remember feeling so numb and exhausted, everything seemed pointless and I was thinking what did my friends thought about my weird behaving. I stayed there for a long time but this feeling didnt stop that night.
¨Then I started noticing this feeling more often, I do not feel like myself, I think about it and picture myself shred into differend personalities..
I cant describe it properly, because I dont understand it.
When I am around more people I try to fake it. I am smiling. Fake it till you make it, but I feel worse and worse and its suffocating.
Only my sister knows it, because my brother was recently been hospitalized again with depression and self harming. I cant tell my parents, they have a lot on their plate and we are not so close anymore.
I think its because my parents seem great on the outside, but in our flat its like one big revelation, It was hard for us, three siblings to grow up there. I will not discuss this there but its one of the reasons, that I have these mental problems. I love my parents, but I have also differend early memories about their behaving.

Im sorry about my english, Im not a native speaker. :)
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
6,596
Location
A comet
Hello simplydifferend, welcome to the forum.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
20,508
Location
Nowhere
hi simplydifferend :welcome:

I think a lot of people would relate
to the contrast between how you feel
and how you come across

I hope you find it helpful here


:grouphug:
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
7,007
Location
Norway
Hi simplydifferend welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
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