• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Hello

T

TheSwiss

New member
Joined
Mar 16, 2009
Messages
3
Location
Leeds
Well, it is nice to see a forum exists where I can hopefully get some useful help so firstly, thank you all. As long as I can articulate what's going on in my swede I am hoping you can help! Always the tricky bit eh!?

Right, for some time now (approx 6 years) I have been aware of my anxiety/depression and panic and it is starting to get worse and worse, causing me a number of issues. It comes and goes and I can usually fight it head on as I am aware of it and know its irrational behaviour but I am struggling to function correctly right now.

Triggers - I feel that my anxiety is caused by FEAR as well as my self-awareness coupled with my ability to 'read people' :unsure:.

Over the past 6 or so years I have had a 3 relationships and ALWAYS after approx 14 months I get horrendous anxiety about the realtionship. It is not fear of committment as such but more fear of going too emoitionally deep with someone and getting kicked in the balls. The fear IS irrational and I do get a mine field of vivid thoughts and images about what she could be 'upto' - it is not the fact that she could be doing something that troubles me but more the fact it's behind my back and I am in the dark - paranoia if you will. I trust her implicitly but its other people I dont trust. Its awful not to be able to trust. I literally trust no one but myself.

Work - My job is pretty stressful and I have some big clients to look after. I always give it 110% and do a good job but in some instances I give it too much which causes me excessive stresses and strains. I get emotionally involved in my work and demand a great deal out of myself whilst not loooking after number 1. I have the inability to say NO which results in greater workload (people love working with me ;) and I am a typical Yes Man.
Within my role I have to do a lot of presentations and meetings and my anxiety really has started to kick off and I panic and sweat and stumble - not my usually free flowing self.

Mental Self - I have a deeply creative mind and an inate ability to analyse everything. I mean everything! Partly because my job requires this and partly because I am looking to catch people out. I suffer greatly with depersonalisation (feeling detached from oneself) and can live deep in my thoughts/sub-conscious. Derealisation (feelings of unreality) is also an issue totally feeling absent and just an observer as life passes me by...weird huh? I cant tell you the last time I actually felt THERE. I am always sat back, analysing stuff and making my own mind up.

££££ - skint. I earn £36k per year and I have no money:scared:. Last month I incurred bank charges of £450 a month. Idiot. Anxiety and Panic flared up again here - this was my most recent incident and probably the trigger.

Talking about it - I hate talking about it to my GF. It's not fair. Ultimately I believe she will think I am mental and it will push her aware. She is aware that I have anxiety issues as I practically drink St Johns Wort and Rescue Remedy. However, as I am aware of my issues (and feeling it) I can barely talk anyway as I am scared what may come flying out of my mouth.

My GP is an arrogant ass and I wouldnt even broach the subject with him!

I did go to see a councillor once but I got the sense they werent interested in ME. Only my money.

Alcohol - This is becoming more an issue in the sense that when I have a few pints it starts to surface, I can feel it bubbling under and if one thing winds me up I am literally on the edge - I have stopped drinking because of it cos I can feel my mind about to snap. Not good. I am away to a foreign land for a stag do in two weeks as well - cant drink cos my mind will snap in a foreign land! :mad:

So, if anyone can make any sense of this. Perhaps give me some initial steps to break this down that would help!

Thanks. Any assistance is great!
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Hi there and welcome to the forum.

I think what you have to do first is to break all this down into bite sized pieces. It's impossible to tackle everything all at once and that's what you're trying to do now.

Two places you could start - accept that your girlfriend will not hurt you deliberately. We all get hurt at some point but it's rarely the result of a deliberate act.

When someone asks you to do something at work cultivate a habit of not saying yes. Don't say no, just say maybe. That gives you the option of saying yes or no at a later time and buys you some breathing space.

For me those are the most obvious and fruitful places to start - I've done them both recently!
 
hairymunky

hairymunky

Active member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
35
Location
Ayrshire
How-do :welcome:

I was always scared to talk to my wife, in case she thought "Bugger This!" and legged it. That was my first mistake. She's been my pillar of support, helping me when things get tough, and "egging" me on, in my struggle in becoming more socially involved. If it wasn't for her, I most definitely would have become a recluse! Still have my moments when my mouth blurts stuff out, before my brain can filter it... :scared:
Saying "No" is something I have never been able to do, even if I really don't want to do something (caused a big argument last night with my wife because of this). But as they say, a little step at a time...

G
 
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