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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

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EndlessVoid

New member
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
1
Location
UK
Hello guys, this is my first, and probably last post as well. I wanted to rant where people may relate, because if I said this to my boss, friends or parents I’m sure they would try and refer me to a shrink, or even better a ‘mental health institute’.

I’m 21 years old and I’m numb, completely numb. My feelings are extremely suppressed to the point where I can’t feel or explain what the emotion happy is, or what excitement is, or what sad is, or any of the common emotions for that matter. I just don’t feel anything - apart from anger or disgust.

I don’t know how exactly I got to this point, but the massive amount of trauma and abuse in my childhood certainly must have played a part.

I don’t do anything anymore apart from go to work, game and smoke ridiculous amounts of weed (currently spending £110 a week). I turn down every motive what I’m asked to, because doing nothing at home will provide me exactly the same amount of mental stimulation.

I’ve destroyed relationships due to my straightforward nature and dislike for small talk. However being blunt is the best, as people know where they stand.

I’ve never considered attempting suicide, but I’ve thought about it a few times. Not because I’m depressed or sad, I don’t know those emotions, but because life is pointless for me. I don’t get any satisfaction from anything.

On the outside everything seems great though. I’m 6’1, rippedwith olive skin, thick wavy hair with a symmetrical face and a toned jawline. I have a decent job for my age, electricians mate, which gives me an income above nearly everyone my age group, and in under 15 months I’ll be on even more money. I’ve a nice Audi on the drive, I could buy another one too.

At 21 I’ve already got more than most people my age group, but there’s no sense of accomplishment, just no feelings at all. I’m just living. People around me, mainly peers and family, constantly tell me how lucky I am to be in the position I’m currently in, I just don’t see it. I’m just completely numb. If only they knew how I really felt.

I’m just here. Living.
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,196
Location
US
Hey, @EndlessVoid, I'm really sorry you're feeling (or not feeling) this way. I think you'd find a lot of people on here can relate, and I hope you find it helpful just to vent. It's good (cheap) therapy. Audi is my personal favourite, btw.

Do you think if you sought out any type of spirituality that may help you find true purpose? I know that can be the last thing you want to do (I was staunch atheist for 20 years...) but it can help you feel that there is a purpose here. I feel way too much, so it's hard to offer any advice but to say you're not alone in feeling this, your life has more value than what money you are making or car you drive, and those things won't bring a true sense of purpose. Like Buddha says, it's like drinking saltwater, you just keep getting more thirsty trying to fill that void. The void is something deeper than accomplishments.

I hope you find this forum helpful. Feeling numb is not a good feeling, for sure, and maybe if you sought out some type of spiritual belief that grounds you more and gives you that purpose that money and jobs can't bring? Just offering some advice, but I hope you get some better advice from people who can really relate to not feeling. Hang in there. Your life has far more value than you may be able to see right now.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
18,905
Location
Nowhere
hi EndlessVoid :welcome: !

sounds like you just became desensitised
from all the trauma
I get that as well , but I can at least feel discomfort
with being desensitised

have a read of the different sub forums and peoples posts
it might help you to feel something

I hope you find it helpful here


:grouphug:🕯
 
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