Hello

[Ss84]

Hi,
I have just joined this forum. I have. had slight bouts of depression & feeling low before. but at the moment my partner is in a very dark place & I just want some advice on how to be there, she says she doesn't want to bring me down anymore & I deserve happiness, is it common when people are suffering like this they push away the people close to them?.

 

[JessisMe]

Hi,
I have just joined this forum. I have. had slight bouts of depression & feeling low before. but at the moment my partner is in a very dark place & I just want some advice on how to be there, she says she doesn't want to bring me down anymore & I deserve happiness, is it common when people are suffering like this they push away the people close to them?.

yes

 

[sadgirl]

Hi ss84 and welcome to the forum please feel free to look around and post whenever you can I am sorry to hear about your situation but its normal for people who are suffering from depression to push you away

 

[UpnDwn1978]

Hi Ss84 welcome to the forum

 

[Ss84]

Hi all

thanks for the quick responses & welcoming. she reached out to me after a week to say she isn't any better, she has been battling this for months. I didn't see the signs early on & I am hurting because I didn't. I know I can't blame myself for this, & I only want to be there & not smother her. she said she wants to be alone & she is sorry for dragging me down. she apologised for not being stronger. I just want some guidance on how to be there when she needs ,e. I reached out to her counsellor today as she said she is harming herself. I know she may hate me for that but I only want to help. I understand she is pushing me away but I am not just going to abandon her when she is like this.

 

[Pinapple4]

Hello, I remember when I was depressed, I also pushed everyone away, but subtly because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I think that I appreciated little reminders from close ones that they were there, but they gave me space so I could breathe and not feel pressured to heal quickly because seeing them worry made it harder to be happy. Just checked on me regularly to make sure I knew someone cared and was there if I needed them.

 

[Ss84]

Hi Pinapple4

thanks for getting back to me! I kind of get what your saying, don’t smother but just let them know your there! It’s hard as I don’t want to message asking if she is ok when maybe she isn’t, I am slowly learning how to help! I wrote her a letter the other day, explaining I know I can’t fix it but I am here whenever you need me!

 

[Pinapple4]

I think it's different for people, but a close friend of mine would sometimes just text me jokes and genuinely made me smile. He wouldn't text just to ask how I was. I think I would have felt forced to tell him I was fine. He would just randomly say something that would brighten up my day. I knew someone cared. I occasionally opened up when I felt like I had the energy. Good luck!

 

[JessisMe]

It is good that you reached out to her counselor on the self harming. Do you live together? Is she just looking for a a little bit of space? I would give her all the time and space she needs but check in maybe once a week to let her know that you still care and ask if there is anything you can do to help her. Outside of that it’s a waiting game. It is very good of you to be so loyal to her and for you to care. xo, j

 

[Ss84]

It is good that you reached out to her counselor on the self harming. Do you live together? Is she just looking for a a little bit of space? I would give her all the time and space she needs but check in maybe once a week to let her know that you still care and ask if there is anything you can do to help her. Outside of that it’s a waiting game. It is very good of you to be so loyal to her and for you to care. xo, j

Hi JessisMe
sorry I didn't see this sooner. I reached out, on Friday and I need to speak to him tomorrow as this isn't the first time, we don't live together. we did but she left when it got too much as we wasn't getting on & I didn't see the signs, something I hold my hands up to.

I was thinking of popping to see her tomorrow just to let here know I am there whenever she needs me, & I will listen to her. we have a kitten & I was thinking of bringing him with me as she says she misses him. I wish I could share the content of what she said, just to get an opinion. I do know she wants space & that is something I am going to have to respect.

 

[Ss84]

I have just had this message from a response to a letter I have sent. not sure how to respond to it, any thoughts?.......



`
I’ve read your letter. Thank you. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I know I’ve shut you out. I shut out everyone... I think my mum probably feels the same.

Tony got in touch with me Friday or Saturday - the days all blend into one - and offered me a free appointment to make sure I’m ok.. I thought that he might have heard from you. I am going to make sure I keep seeing him.

I feel so disappointed in myself for becoming this person again and it is a build up of so many things. Last year was extremely difficult for me and I’m still trying to find my way.

I never stopped loving you and I’ve never stopped missing you. I just need to learn how I can like myself again because I look at myself and i hate who I am and the person I have become
`