Hello

[jooblue]

Hello

I signed up yesterday after looking for a forum online. I've been "depressed" for five years, and currently under assessment as there's a question mark over being bipolar.

I was raped (not the ideal way to lose your virginity) and then leapt into breif marriage with someone who couldn't/wouldn't understand, and unfortunately took a controlling and manipulative attitude towards me. He also lived on the other side of the law, and I eventually rolled up to Heathrow and jumped on a plane to Germany. For no particular reason.

I've learnt I can't run away from how I feel, and that no matter how much I want to just snap out of it, I can't. I am also slowly accepting that it wasn't my fault, even though that's still not easy to write that, and I really want to give you a list of why I think it probably is my fault.

Luckily I get good days in between the bad days so have taken the opportunity to write while I am not feeling really really low. Hope I can help others with ways of getting through it, and hope to grab a bit of support when I know I, at some point, will go down like a lead balloon.

Thanks for the welcome on the Forum - appreciate it. (bigg fan of tea)

 

[sandybob]

hello

to here

 

[Rorschach]

Hey there jooblue. Welcome to the boards...

 

[Dollit]

Nice to see you Jooblue - let's hope being here helps.

 

[daffy]

Hello and welcome jooblue



No one deserves to be raped. I think thats your way of trying to cope. You dont say if you have had councelling to discuss your feelings cos i think you definatly need it. Am i right in assuming that the depression came on as a result of the rape. If so there is a lot that can be done for you. Medication will only supress it. You need a person experienced in this field to help you come to terms with your ordeal.

I dont know whether u are seeing a psych or a gp bu i really think councelling could help

take carexxx

 

[jooblue]

Thanks for the welcome guys.

It's weird because I would probably say the same to anyone else - that it wasn't their fault - but somehow I've been convinced that it’s different for me. I was referred to a counsellor fairly soon after the event, but you got six sessions and then cut off because of funding, and I felt obliged to “feel better” by the end of those, that’s crazy isn’t it? My gp has recently offered me another route into counselling and I’m thinking about it, I suppose I’ve wanted the option that seems easiest, to take a pill and make it all go away but it doesn’t.

Yeah, I think you’re right, I’m just suppressing issues that aren’t going to disappear by magic. I think I want control over how I feel, and so if I tell myself I can deal with it, then I can. And then I wonder why I can’t and it’s really frustrating and I end up feeling like a failure on top of everything else.

You speak a lot of sense, I guess I’ll have to bite the bullet on this one.

 

[Fedup]

and jooblue .
Hope you like it here