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Gemini83

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Manchester
Hello,

I’ve joined this forum after reading many threads; basically, I have been suffering with depression & anxiety for some time and hope you don’t mind me sharing my story/issues - I will try to cut a long story short.

Around four years ago, I found out that my now ex-wife had a one night stand with my cousin; despite this it took guts but I forgave her however just one week later she did exactly the same as she supposedly went to her friends, but didn’t come home therefore in the early hours I reported her as a missing person as I couldn’t get in contact with her (long story but that’s just in brief)

Obviously, we split up but as we were on a joint tenancy she wouldn’t move out, therefore I basically lived upstairs for a whole six months until she moved out with her now boyfriend - problem here was our children, I eventually took her to court after the divorce but feel that I was very emotionally distressed at the time, I ended up agreeing to drop the case due to my ill health but was satisfied at the time with the order that the court put in place - although I did feel pushed towards it.

Since then, there has been a few issues as my ex has been moving around, changing my children’s schools etc and for the past two years have been living around 30 miles away from me, recently there has been a couple of issues raised by both my children, in which I have tried to discuss with my ex to iron out the issues, basically her bf is the one who punishes my kids when they do wrong and I have a serious issue with that (am I wrong?) my kids know that they have to have respect but I don’t like the idea of this guy having a strict tone with them but my ex tells me to but out of there lives - she has many times asked me to walk away from my children and prompted that I hand over parental responsibility to her partner (which will never happen) I love my kids eternally, they are my life!
The past few months have been very difficult for me, the way my ex insults me and what she says - I feel that she is in control of when I talk and see my children, if I don’t agree to something she suggests then she blocks my number so I can’t gain contact (this happens quite regularly) I kind of feel.... emotionally abused, I’m not sure if that’s the correct wording but it’s how it feels, I’m told that I’m sick in the head and I’m a waste of space along with various other things.

I am seeking medical advice from my GP but feel that I’m not really getting anywhere, I’m on various medication etc but very recently I’m at such a low point, I don’t socialise and I’m very secluded I hide behind my emotions and don’t want to talk to family - they won’t understand, if I’m honest I’ve never really been the same since the split but I do find it incredibly agitated that her boyfriend shouts and punishes my children, I don’t feel that they are at any harm however, they have clearly told me they don’t like it therefore I have tried my hardest to discuss this with my ex but she is very dismissive, this has really affected my mood lately - constantly emotional and even more so when I look at pictures of my kids (it sounds silly, but its simply how I feel) I’m not sleeping and haven’t for some time, I’ve tried CBT, prescription medication, herbal medication and nothing is effective to these issues, I have no strength or energy and most times can’t make any sense of my own situation - my head is totally upside down, I can be fine one minute then the next I feel like my world is crashing down, I kind of feel in control of my own feelings I would never harm myself or others but feeling the way I do is really getting on top of me, I don’t know what to do - feel like I’ve tried everything!! I cant concentrate when reading or watching tv, nothing sinks in.... again; reading this back it sounds... silly and doesn’t make any sense, I just feel completely lost.

Sincere apologies for the long post.
 
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Worriedyin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 2, 2019
Messages
662
Location
UK
Hi Gemini, wow sorry to hear your troubles, it doesn't sound like a good situation.

As much as your ex is being unreasonable you may have to humour her unless you want a total breakdown in communication. It must be really really tough for you.

Sorry to hear about your MH troubles and hope that things start changing around for you soon. All the best.
 
A

Alex9678

Member
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
5
Location
San diego
What a crappy situation. There's some realizations you need to come to. First, it's over between you and your ex, any romantic or nostalgic thoughts need to be moved on from. You need to decide how much your kids mean to you and how much you want to be in their lives. Use them as your motivation to get in a better mental state so you can reopen a case and have the law on your side. In the meantime you either need to cut off everything to do with your ex to improve yourself OR try to maintain an amicable relationship so you have access to your kids. It sucks to be powerless but that's life and your situation so you need to acknowledge it and your feelings to take the next steps. Your strong enough to reach out so you can overcome if you try.
 
toutatis

toutatis

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
472
Location
Auckland, NZ
I'd just like to offer you my moral support @Gemini83 and send out a warm welcome to you.

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story with us.
 
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Gemini83

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Manchester
Thank you for all your kind words and warm welcoming, yes it is very hard and more hard to socialise, engage even just to get out of the door most days - my kids are coming to stay with me tomorrow till Friday for HT, I’ve barley spoken to my ex over the past week and I think she actually knows that she’s hurt me, although she’s tough as old boots and has never shown emotion. I’m not bothered about her, that ship has sailed but i hate the fact of another guy in my children’s lives! Life does go on, but... I can’t seem to find a way to move on, I am struggling more nowadays - I want to push myself (maybe I’m not trying hard enough, even though I think i am, it’s hard to explain... I just don’t want to be around anyone whatsoever but then I also look at my life now I know I’m not happy, I don’t know how to change it, I guess I do need to get out but I really don’t want too (maybe I’m being selfish) I constantly feel unwell within myself, I do feel lonely and unhappy, I don’t even make sense to myself most times.... sleep wise is dreadful, I often think bout making a new start but I think about how and where and what. It’s hard to explain.
 
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