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  • Thread starter Iguessimnotasstrong
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Iguessimnotasstrong

Iguessimnotasstrong

Member
Joined
May 22, 2019
Messages
19
Location
Czech Republic
Hello guys,

I don't really know where to start, so I might as well dive right in. I met someone who made me feel very, very special. For almost a year we kept this long distance relationship going. Not defining the relationship, of course, because labels are lame, amirite? He came to see me in winter and like a month ago he invited me over to the place he's at now. I bought the tickets. And he disappeared from my life. No messages, nothing. Thanks to the amazing power of social media I found out he's spending time with another girl. I confronted him and he talked his way right out of the situation, as he is an incredibly smooth talker. He also kept playing dumb and he did not tell me the truth.

In a week, I'm setting off. This trip is the epitomy of my humiliation. It is also my first ever solo trip, which is really not easy for me, as I am terrified of everything. I am heart broken, hurt and incredibly angry. I have a long history of depression, anxiety and self-hatred, and this little thing has sent me right down the spiral. I have been drinking and smoking for numerous days. I really need to pick myself up, but I don't know how.

I just needed to get this out of my system, otherwise it would have eaten me alive. I hope everyone is having a lovely day. Thank you for 'listening'.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
11,105
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Hi and welcome to the forum :welcome:

you don't deserve to be treated the way he treated you, my ex did the same, vanished without a word then as soon as his new girl told him where he got off, he tried crawling back to me :hug:
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Nov 6, 2016
Messages
4,152
Location
Ireland
Hello!

:welcome: to get forum.....

I'm really sorry to hear how tough everything is for you at the moment.. Long distance relationships can be very difficult....and painful..

I suppose I just have one question for you..

Why are you actually going to see him??

I can't think of even one reason as to why you would get on that plane especially when you are so anxious about the trip anyway... I can maybe see the reasoning if you have paid a lot for your ticket and don't want to waste it.... But even then I would say to you to go and not stay with him..

Sounds like he is controlling everything at the moment - his smooth talking obviously works for him.....

It's a hard one.... Give it some thought again and see where you're at.

Mind yourself :)
 
buzzbuzz

buzzbuzz

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2019
Messages
138
Location
USA
Welcome to the forum! :welcome:

I can't begin to imagine the level at which your feelings are on but I can say that I have loved a girl and I messed everything up for myself but there is always another person for you. Never give up on your life and do what makes you happy.
 
G

Greg90

Well-known member
Joined
May 21, 2019
Messages
139
Location
UK
Welcome to the forum.

I'm also going through a break-up in a long distance relationship and it's sent me spiralling downwards too, back to a complete hopelessness I thought had gone. I still can't think through things without breaking down. You're not alone :)

I'm not sure how to pick myself up either, but afew things have helped the days go by until I get there. Reading is a big help and just gives your mind something else to concentrate on. Nighttimes are awful but having a read of this forum with a podcast on in the background while waiting for my drowsy tablets to take effect helps.

Is your trip pre-planned and already paid for? I know it's difficult to write-off the money you've paid, but your happiness and mental health is worth more than a plane ticket. Take the week to decide and see how you feel, there's no pressure on you to go.

Be kind to yourself. :)
 
Iguessimnotasstrong

Iguessimnotasstrong

Member
Joined
May 22, 2019
Messages
19
Location
Czech Republic
Hi and welcome to the forum :welcome:

you don't deserve to be treated the way he treated you, my ex did the same, vanished without a word then as soon as his new girl told him where he got off, he tried crawling back to me :hug:
Oh I'm sorry you have this experience as well. Good on you that you didn't let him back into your life, you are a strong woman! This is not the first time something like this has happened to me, I'm seeing a pattern I need to break as soon as possible :) Hope your day is wonderful
 
Iguessimnotasstrong

Iguessimnotasstrong

Member
Joined
May 22, 2019
Messages
19
Location
Czech Republic
Welcome to the forum! :welcome:

I can't begin to imagine the level at which your feelings are on but I can say that I have loved a girl and I messed everything up for myself but there is always another person for you. Never give up on your life and do what makes you happy.
Oh thank you so much for the kind words. You're right, I know it, it's just gonna take some time for me to fully believe this. I'm sorry to hear about what's happened. We all make mistakes, don't we. I know it's hard, but you should not be too hard on yourself :flowers:
 
Iguessimnotasstrong

Iguessimnotasstrong

Member
Joined
May 22, 2019
Messages
19
Location
Czech Republic
Hello!

:welcome: to get forum.....

I'm really sorry to hear how tough everything is for you at the moment.. Long distance relationships can be very difficult....and painful..

I suppose I just have one question for you..

Why are you actually going to see him??

I can't think of even one reason as to why you would get on that plane especially when you are so anxious about the trip anyway... I can maybe see the reasoning if you have paid a lot for your ticket and don't want to waste it.... But even then I would say to you to go and not stay with him..

Sounds like he is controlling everything at the moment - his smooth talking obviously works for him.....

It's a hard one.... Give it some thought again and see where you're at.

Mind yourself :)
Thank you for the support, I really, really appreciate this :thanks:. How did I live without this forum, I don't know.

Oh I failed to mention that I'm not actually going to see him when I get there. At a certain point, it became pretty clear that he was not interested in meeting up anymore. I decided to take the trip anyway and turn the whole situation round. You know: see that I can do this on my own, roll with the people I meet at the hostel, try and be self-sufficient and spontanaeous for once in my life. This trip is going to be either devastating or absolutely empowering. I am sincerely hoping for the latter.
 
Iguessimnotasstrong

Iguessimnotasstrong

Member
Joined
May 22, 2019
Messages
19
Location
Czech Republic
Welcome to the forum.

I'm also going through a break-up in a long distance relationship and it's sent me spiralling downwards too, back to a complete hopelessness I thought had gone. I still can't think through things without breaking down. You're not alone :)

I'm not sure how to pick myself up either, but afew things have helped the days go by until I get there. Reading is a big help and just gives your mind something else to concentrate on. Nighttimes are awful but having a read of this forum with a podcast on in the background while waiting for my drowsy tablets to take effect helps.

Is your trip pre-planned and already paid for? I know it's difficult to write-off the money you've paid, but your happiness and mental health is worth more than a plane ticket. Take the week to decide and see how you feel, there's no pressure on you to go.

Be kind to yourself. :)
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about the pain you're going through. It's crazy. You spend years trying to patch all the holes in your soul, you even succeed to do so, and then someone just comes into your life and destroys everything. All the work needs to be done again. Incredibly frustrating but definitely not impossible. We can do this, because we are strong! And not alone, you are right. That is incredibly important.

I also spend a lot of time listening to podcasts/watching ted talks. It truly helps. I am incredibly happy that I've discovered this forum, this is such a game changer! Thank you for your supportive words and for sharing your story, I really appreciate this.

My trip is only pre-paid to a certain point. I really want to go, because it's (hopefully) gonna show me that I am more capable and independent than I ever thought I was. I am terrified of going, but at the same time, I really feel that I need to do this. I'm not sure if this makes any sense, my mind hardly ever does :D.

Take good care of yourself, my friend. All seems hopeless now, but eventually, things will slowly start to get better :).
 
buzzbuzz

buzzbuzz

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2019
Messages
138
Location
USA
Oh thank you so much for the kind words. You're right, I know it, it's just gonna take some time for me to fully believe this. I'm sorry to hear about what's happened. We all make mistakes, don't we. I know it's hard, but you should not be too hard on yourself :flowers:
It's all good, take care :)
 
L

Lockpon

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2019
Messages
65
Location
UK
Welcome to the forum! First, I wanna say I'm really so sorry to hear that you were treated that way by someone you thought you could trust. But I also wanna say I think you're an incredibly strong person for deciding to go anyway and see if you can have fun there even without meeting him. I sincerely hope you have a great time anyway.

I also want to say, judging from some of your responses to other people who suffered from similar situations, that you seem like a very empathic and kind person. I really hope you find this forum useful and have fun contributing here because I think you'd be able to make a lot of people feel at least a little bit better with your thoughtful replies.
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Nov 6, 2016
Messages
4,152
Location
Ireland
Hey again!

I'm really glad that you're not staying with this guy - I was thinking what an awful situation that would be for you hence my wondering as to why you would put yourself through it....

It's a very brave step you're taking, going yourself and just seeing every day how things work out for you... I think it's brilliant that you are going to take a risk outside your comfort zone...

I bet you it will be empowering... You sound determined to make it work out and that in itself will take you a long part of the way :hug:
 
N

Neverhappy

Active member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
38
Location
Essex
Eugh men who ghost women are despicable. But I truly believe in Karma. He will get his comeuppance one way or another. Have a great time and when you feel low, remember that other girl could be ghosted by him at anytime and thats her worry not yours!
 
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