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Hello - would love some feedback

S

Sugar

New member
Joined
Jan 23, 2020
Messages
1
Location
MA
I found this wonderful site when search for "always changing mind", but didn't find quite the same situation. I know this is going to sound horrible, but here goes. For years now, I have been attracted to certain men (I'm a straight female) but when I get to know them, I always seem to find things that I don't like or really turn me off. Examples are behaviors showing neediness or insecurity, poor conversationalist, big ego or narcissistic, etc. etc. Most "balanced" women and men I know would just not pursue the person and move on fairly quickly with little trouble. I can't seem to move on and obsess over it and try to tell myself the person isn't "that bad and I am not perfect either and it would be nice to get physical with this person". This denial comes from my desire for a relationship. I am at that spot right now and want to reach out to a man I ended it with a few weeks ago and get together again. We had just barely gotten to know each other and were not really involved at all, other than constant texting and phone calls.
I feel like I am using men like a drug, and keep pulling back just before I take that drug, but it sets up a yearning that clouds my judgment and totally skews reality.
Has anyone else experienced this? Comments welcome.
 
Newstartformetoday

Newstartformetoday

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
471
Location
Hull
I found this wonderful site when search for "always changing mind", but didn't find quite the same situation. I know this is going to sound horrible, but here goes. For years now, I have been attracted to certain men (I'm a straight female) but when I get to know them, I always seem to find things that I don't like or really turn me off. Examples are behaviors showing neediness or insecurity, poor conversationalist, big ego or narcissistic, etc. etc. Most "balanced" women and men I know would just not pursue the person and move on fairly quickly with little trouble. I can't seem to move on and obsess over it and try to tell myself the person isn't "that bad and I am not perfect either and it would be nice to get physical with this person". This denial comes from my desire for a relationship. I am at that spot right now and want to reach out to a man I ended it with a few weeks ago and get together again. We had just barely gotten to know each other and were not really involved at all, other than constant texting and phone calls.
I feel like I am using men like a drug, and keep pulling back just before I take that drug, but it sets up a yearning that clouds my judgment and totally skews reality.
Has anyone else experienced this? Comments welcome.
Hi Sugar,

Have you suffered abandonment in your life? Or harsh separation in yours or your parent’s relationship?
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
46,292
Location
Lancashire
:welcome: to the forum. I haven't experienced what you are describing but I can understand how you feel in this. I hope others will be along soon with more insights
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
6,780
Location
Nowhere
hi Sugar

yes I think so ! I do seem to lose faith in my judgment
if I'm attracted to a man
and I'm not sure if I'm being overly critical
or not critical enough !

and tend to ignore my friends' advice about it
I think I need to trust what my friends say
if ive lost my head

I love this forum I hope you will too !

:hug5: 🕯
 
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