- Jun 18, 2021
- Olympia, WA
Hello all. I am a wife of 30 years to a 57 yr old man ("B") who has battled treatment-resistant clinical depression, anxiety, and unclearly diagnosed personality disorders. He also has chronic back pain which he controls with cannabinoids. He has tried just about everything conventional (and a few non-conventional) medications and treatments, and when something does seem to work, it only does so briefly, and then he spirals down again and becomes narcissistic, hostile, and paranoid. He's refusing to seek further care because he feels it's pointless. His repetitive statements have worsened lately that "I don't get it", and for me to "not be surprised if something happens", and that he "is beyond caring" and "doesn't have anything left anymore", and if I take away his control and get him involuntarily committed, he would "hate me for however long he lives". I often worry that I am enabling/worsening his depression somehow, as he yells at me that I am making things worse by "carrying on with life as if everything is dandy". I'm so frustrated and angry with him right now, as it seems, every time I make plans that might offer me a bit of joy in life, he does something to thwart it. Because of his hostility toward others, I haven't had friends or family over to my house in years, and my neighbors keep their distance. I'm so tired of having to fight for every scrap of happiness, and I feel guilty even saying that, as others may see me as being cold-hearted. All I want is to be able to enjoy life with him, but all I have is fear that I'll come home from work one day and find him dead from suicide. I'm sure others here have been though or experienced something similar, and I'm hoping for insight/perspective, or any advice that might help us...