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Hello! Treatment-resistant support person seeking help and advice...

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onewhocares

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Olympia, WA
Hello all. I am a wife of 30 years to a 57 yr old man ("B") who has battled treatment-resistant clinical depression, anxiety, and unclearly diagnosed personality disorders. He also has chronic back pain which he controls with cannabinoids. He has tried just about everything conventional (and a few non-conventional) medications and treatments, and when something does seem to work, it only does so briefly, and then he spirals down again and becomes narcissistic, hostile, and paranoid. He's refusing to seek further care because he feels it's pointless. His repetitive statements have worsened lately that "I don't get it", and for me to "not be surprised if something happens", and that he "is beyond caring" and "doesn't have anything left anymore", and if I take away his control and get him involuntarily committed, he would "hate me for however long he lives". I often worry that I am enabling/worsening his depression somehow, as he yells at me that I am making things worse by "carrying on with life as if everything is dandy". I'm so frustrated and angry with him right now, as it seems, every time I make plans that might offer me a bit of joy in life, he does something to thwart it. Because of his hostility toward others, I haven't had friends or family over to my house in years, and my neighbors keep their distance. I'm so tired of having to fight for every scrap of happiness, and I feel guilty even saying that, as others may see me as being cold-hearted. All I want is to be able to enjoy life with him, but all I have is fear that I'll come home from work one day and find him dead from suicide. I'm sure others here have been though or experienced something similar, and I'm hoping for insight/perspective, or any advice that might help us...
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
8,247
Location
England
Hello onewhocares, welcome to the forum. It's a difficult situation in regards to him not seeking further care. Is he being seen by the mental health workers/professionals? If so, what do they say?
 
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onewhocares

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Olympia, WA
Hello onewhocares, welcome to the forum. It's a difficult situation in regards to him not seeking further care. Is he being seen by the mental health workers/professionals? If so, what do they say?
Yes. Years of this off and on. He refuses to let me go with him -so I only know what he chooses to share. This last round, after months of waiting, he had one appointment with a psychiatrist and refused to go back because of "personality conflicts". My impression is that some sort of voluntary commitment or treatment contract was alluded to, and that he didn't want any part of it. (This is just guessing on my part, but his behavior pattern in the past has been, when there is something that he does not have control over and doesn't like, he sabotages it somehow.)
As far as diagnoses and care plan suggestions go, what I do know has been from documents that I've come across accidentally and from bits and pieces that I've put together. I've been in the healthcare field (paramedic/LPN) a very long time, so I am familiar with different medications, their effects, and what conditions they are administered for. The notes from providers mostly state severe depression and anxiety, and intermittently possible bipolar/schitz/personality disorder issues.
 
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onewhocares

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Olympia, WA
After reading what I've wrote above, I guess I can summarize my questions like this... How can I be supportive without enabling, and how do I help without being controlling?...
 
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onewhocares

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Olympia, WA
Hello onewhocares, welcome to the forum. It's a difficult situation in regards to him not seeking further care. Is he being seen by the mental health workers/professionals? If so, what do they say?
Hello again. Things finally came to a head last Sunday. He had a very bad day and nearly committed suicide. (Did not overdose, but had a plan, said goodbyes, but managed to hold on until I got home from work.) He is now hospitalized and is on the path to getting the help he has needed for so long....For the first time in a very, very long time, he actually sounds cheerful.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
8,247
Location
England
Hello again. Things finally came to a head last Sunday. He had a very bad day and nearly committed suicide. (Did not overdose, but had a plan, said goodbyes, but managed to hold on until I got home from work.) He is now hospitalized and is on the path to getting the help he has needed for so long....For the first time in a very, very long time, he actually sounds cheerful.

That's good news about him being on the path to getting help but also sad news about nearly committing suicide.
 
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