• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hello to all !

K

kev c

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
4
I have been sufferrng from severe depression for nearly 4 years and although this depression is severe on a daily basis i still have to endure the torment of even worse depressive crisis episodes at least twice a year. I am on multiple antidepressants daily.
I also unfortunatly suffer from chronic pain in both my knees that has worsened recently leading to me now having to endure opiate pain relief , which i feel i manage quite well, , ,i am still working full time as a nurse.
About 2 years ago, i started having hallucinations whereby i saw my father who had died the year before. Alarming as it was at first, i now find these sightings as a positive thing and not as any form of negative experience. This can happen at any time , but usually no more than 3 or 4 times a year , without any apparent causative factor.
More troubling to me is the more recent hearing voices. I have 2 voices most of the time, , one, a very insulting and negative prick, and the other, a sympathetic and positive voice. I can (most of the time) deal with them each on their own, , what i find the worst, that i cant deal with, is when they bicker and disagree with each other.
The noise is confusing and distracting to say the least. I might maybe decide to treat myself to a dvd or something and the positive voice will cheer me along with my choice of dvd, , but the negative voice will call me a dickhead and other insulting names telling me" you cant afford that, , your a prick if you buy it, , put it back right now" and then further insults continue till i put it back. Sometimes the negative voice wins, , sometimes the positive one. Sometimes they fight, and i am the loser.
I write music as a hobby, , i have played guitar for ver 35 years and have recently tought myself to play piano as well.
Two years ago when the voices started, i started writing songs, recording them , and even got to the point of getting a website and uploading them for people to listen to.
Whenever i get into a creative phase and start writing, , i find both voices a positive experience as they are both, in there own individual ways, encouraging me to finish a song, and get onto the next one, so it turns into a positive and creative experiance.
I am 44 and because my depression has recently caused me to go back under the psychiatric umberrella i have decided to tell them about the voices this time. So far, i have only revealed to them that i have seen my dead father a few times. They werent particulary bothered about this at all as i didnt veiw it as something negative, ,but was alarmed enough to bring it to their attention.
I have another appointment with the psychiatrist in the morning and am trying to summon up the courage to tell him EXACTLY what is going on in my head and just get it over with , , i am dreading what he might suggest as a treatment as i still work as a nurse, ,most of the time still love my job, ,and so far the voices havent interferred with my work duties.
My journey is only just begining i feel !
 
K

kev c

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
4
!

Thanks for that Terri , , it took me weeks of visiting this site and a whole lot of courage to actually write down the above words and post them.
I dont think that i am ready to tell all just yet , , but you never know, now that the ice has been broken i could end up pestering everyone and posting all over the shop as it all comes pissing out of me.

Will post back later on after i have been to see the shrink again , , i am still undecided how far to go in opening up.
I was gonna tell all at my last visit a month ago, , but the voices, both of them, were screaming at me not to say a word to him , , right there and then whilst i was talking to him ,, i think he could see that something was going on as i suddenly became very uncomfortable, and irritable so i think he may be more inquisitive this time.
I am still very confused as to wether or not to tell him( even if the voices dont scream at me this time ) , , i understand where you are coming from, and i thank you for your concern, , but this cant go on for much longer. I am not strong enough at the moment as my depression is also quite bad at the moment as well, , , and i have no religious beliefs at all, despite getting brought up a catholic when i was younger , , i am an athiest totally although last year, , a good freind of mine told me something quite different which both astounded and frightened me as she was completly unaware of anything going on in my head apart from depression , which she didnt even know was so severe to start out with, , , , but , , thats for another tme when i feel more like talking about my illness/torment/gift !


Watch this space ! !
 
T

terri

Guest
Hi Kev c

I am so sorry you have suffered so much.

I really don't know if this is good advice for you but from my experienxe it is not a good thing to tell a psychiatrist that you hear voices of any kind because you are then putting yourself in the firing line for prejudice to take place both in a work situation, especially as you are a nurse, and through the psychiatric system.

You will be labelled 'schizophrenic', even though you are not, and have to cope with all that label entails.

Even your job could be put at risk which you enjoy so much.

Maybe I am looking on the black side for you, I don't know, I can only go on what I saw when talking to people who heard voices when I was in the mental hospital and there were none in employment.

So good luck Kev
***************

Later that afternoon;

(edited from this morning's posting because I have a colleague who checks out the internet and reads over my shoulder as well, and I have just been hauled into the new Manager's office asking me what I am doing on a 'nut case' site, her very words, not mine and I have had an official warning which she is going to confirm in writing later).

You can't do anything these days, and I'm not even paranoid when I am being watched by people who hide behind posts observing what I am doing. So who is totally out of order, me or those who watch us? Well, I guess I know the answer.

Brief resume everyone: I told far too much detail about the prejudice which happened in my workplace, so I'd best not go there anymore, so I hope you caught my post earlier. I am very sorry I could not leave it in, but I could lose my job if I give away any more detail.

Guess I got found out, and it was only during my tea break time. Not my own time then?

Not very happy and not totally schizoid like they are.

Terri

1984 never ended, it just got worse and worse and George Orwell must be turning in his grave.


Back to work, lunch hour over. Hope nothing kicks off this afternoon. T x
 
A

Aine

Guest
My experience is: the less you tell psychiatrists the better. You only have to admit to hearing voices to get a lable of schizophrenic. Once labelled, that's it for life.
 
R

RainbowElf

Guest
Hi there Kev.

Just to let you know that I disagree about telling the pyschiatrist.

I was very open with all of my psychiatrists and have NOT been labelled as schizophrenic. Just because you hear voices does not mean you are a schizophrenic.
PLEASE tell the psychiatrist. There can be no help if they do not know what you are fighting.
The symptoms will only get worse the more you ignore them and do not seek out any help for them.
Your employers can not fire you on the grounds of health, that is discrimination and then they are in the firing line.

Keep fighting this and try not to take much notice of them. You need to tell the psychiatrist to help you get this sorted out.
If not then the symptoms will only get worse and more difficult to deal with. You might end up with more voices, or the current ones may want more and more things from you, some that may put yourself at risk.

Voices are not always a mental health problem, they only become a mental health thing when they affect you life. Which it seems they are.

I started with one and did not deal with them. Now I have 10 and they are more intrusive then they ever were.

Please think about everything before you act.

Take Care.

Elf ...
 
S

Sue

Active member
Joined
Oct 19, 2008
Messages
26
I have to say I agree with Elf - In fact increasingly healthcare professionals are reluctant to use the SZ term I Have been hearing voices for two years now, I hallucinate also - never once has it been mentioned that I may be Sz.
Most MH professionals are there to help, some are brilliant, some are average and, and yes some are poor.b However it should be stressed that hearing voices does not necessarily mean you have MH problems, it is only when the voices are a negative impact in your life. Many people find explanations for their voices in mysticism and religion for others there are other explanations
 
G

galvestongirl

Guest
Hi all,

I am new here. I want to say that I agree that you should tell your psychiatrist. I told mine about them (with medication I am free of them) as well as the fact that I was getting messages from my tv and was very paranoid on the streets of NY when I was living there. He did not label me as schizophrenic; rather, he said that I was suffering from psychotic depression. He prescribed good medication which has stabilized me for several months now....

Take care.
 
L

lou lou

Guest
Hi folks.For years since I was 19 I thought everyone had voices.When it became apparent that this was not the case I kept the voices a secret.I finally blurted it out to my GP when I had a nervous breakdown when I was 30.Next thing I knew I was in a psyc ward under section and doped up on loads of meds.I was so sorry Id said anything.However once they found the right meds I was glad.although I still hear voices theyre not so strong.Ive finally got my life back.Good luck.
 
C

calfellows

Guest
KevC,

I have similar espisodes to yours where I visit with my
deceased relatives in this white clouded room. It's heavenly
to me, but who knows. Theology reports that there is a
veil which conceals spirits from humanity, and also one
concealing the monitors from the monitors (eye-witnesses).
A system of check and balance. Saint Veil.

I posted this earlier to lou, but here it is again for you:
I don't know where you are from, but it may help you
to realize that the pentecostal christians all hear voices,
and they all have very excellent coping technique. Just
might help you to see how normal you truly are, and how
normal your life can be. They stick to themselves, and
this is only to keep the spirit of "the world" out of their lives
and social circles. Go ahead, see for yourself.

Here's a primer: http://tinyurl.com/4oa2cg

Cal
 
maxny

maxny

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
63
Location
New York City
Hi all,

I am new here. I want to say that I agree that you should tell your psychiatrist. I told mine about them (with medication I am free of them) as well as the fact that I was getting messages from my tv and was very paranoid on the streets of NY when I was living there. He did not label me as schizophrenic; rather, he said that I was suffering from psychotic depression. He prescribed good medication which has stabilized me for several months now....

Take care.
What meds worked for you? Or has anyone else, for that matter, had success with medication? I am 25, started having voices when I was 19, having gone through several traumatic experiences with substance use/addiction during my teenage years. Interestingly, I'd been sober for 2 months when the voices started, but the trauma of the previous several years was undeniable.

I've mentioned it to psychologists a few times- some were rather receptive and open-minded, and didn't jump to recommend medication. Most of them said if it gets in the way of your life, or becomes unbearable, try the meds, but otherwise, the side effects might be worse than the problem. The few psych meds I've tried have had lousy side effects, and none that I can recall stopped the voices. Very low dose of Ceroquil at night seemed to help a bit, but in any case, I live in the US and cannot afford to see a shrink at the moment even if I wanted to.

Anyway, I function well, capable of holding good jobs, studying, etc, but the voices get annoying. It would be wonderful if they left, to have that 'mental privacy' I remember as a child/teenager... would be willing to try medication if it actually worked, but I tend to think that its not solely a biological/chemical problem... not sure what it actually is, and not sure I want to know.

Another question- for people who otherwise function well and live normal lives, the voices phenomenon makes honesty in dating/relationships difficult- do you tell your significant other about them? Anyway, nice to read about other people experiencing the same thing and getting on with their lives.

Regards,

-max
 
maxny

maxny

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
63
Location
New York City
Hello,

I haven't been on this board since the above post, thought i would say hello again.

Unfortunately my voices, depression, and ability to function have deteriorated over the past 3 years since that last post-

I haven't really been able to hold a full-time job since 2009, wound up losing jobs and apartments, and I am actually writing this post from a hospital in New York. On the positive side, while a patient here I am at least able to experiment with my Doctor to find a medication that works.

My doctor unfortunately thinks I am exaggerating in saying that I have heard voices every day since 2003, which is frustrating. I printed the above post from 3.5 years ago as evidence, hopefully that will convince her!

Anyway, glad to see this board is thriving, and I wish you all the best in recovering or dealing with your symptoms.

-max
 
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