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Hello there, I'm Kaiku



New member
Oct 11, 2008
Hey all.

I just joined.

I'm Nicki (or Kaiku) I suffer from some form of anxiety or whatever i haven't actually been given a name for what I have just drugs, lol.

I'm 22 and have had anxiety attacks for years. Just before Christmas last year they got really bad and I had to take time off work. Since then I've moved department.. but the job i moved to just got taken away from me like 2 months ago so now I'm doing something I'm totally crap at.

Around about August time I cut my nights down from 4 to 2, so I'm barely earning enough to survive on just now... so you can I'm sure you can understand oh insanely pissed off at myself I am for phoning in sick this week (tonight and tomorrow night).

Seems I can't even manage 2 nights a week. I honestly don't know what to do just how. Money is a huge worry for me and i know i won't have enough to pay rent next month now. I know all this yet I still phoned in sick.

Right now I just have feeling of giving up, I kind of just want to ignore everything and just act like it not happening. I don't want to tell my boyfriend about this, because I'm useless enough as it is without totally admitting that I can't cope with anything anymore.

I know yeah i should go to my GP but that just doesn't work for me because the minute I start talking about these thing I start joking and smiling.

Typing this i'm realizing just how unstable I am right now, but I guess I needed to cry and I needed to admit this all to myself but still.

Still it begs the question.. WTF am I going to do? What can I do?

Wow that some introduction... didn't really mean to tell my life story...


Well-known member
Founding Member
Jul 21, 2008
Hi Nicki and welcome.:)
Keeping your mouth shut isn't really an option now is it? I would keep trying to tell about what you're going through. You're important and your problems are serious. I tend to laugh off what I go through, too. It doesn't help me if I think I'm a bother to everyone.
You've done well to come to this forum as there are many caring and intelligent people here.
Never give up on yourself.:flowers:


Well-known member
Founding Member
Feb 14, 2008
Birmingham UK
Hi and :welcome: to the Forum Nicki/Kaiku.

First off the important thing is to realise that you are very far from alone - coming to this Forum should help with this :) - and there will be lots of people who share some of your experiences (though of course no-one is the same!).

The next thing is to get the right sort of help. The problem with this is that there are lots of sort of help and it can take quite a while to find the right one for you. Not all this help involves medication by any means (though medication can be a big help for some people). In your situation you clearly need help with both the anxiety attacks and the financial situation (and there is a BIG link between financial problems and MH issues). In respect of the anxiety attacks if medication isn't working then there are a whole range of 'talking' therapies out there - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is in vogue at the moment but is certainly not the only one.

It is really difficult to 'come 'out' with MH problems and laughing them off is a common reaction - I still do this sometimes 20plus years down the line (and sometimes we need to laugh at ourselves :)). But once you have started to be honest and open it does get easier - really! It is that first step which is so hard.

Anyway I hope you keep coming back here and talking and listening to other people - at the very least you will learn that you are very far from alone as I said before.



Why don't you print off your post and take it to your GP? Last time I visited the consultant I spent a lot of time laughing and his co worker (a qualified doctor) was surprised to hear I was quite ill. Not all doctors are switched on to what may be symptoms.


Well-known member
Founding Member
May 27, 2008
Hi there and welcome to the forum - as you can tell there are loads of people here who want to help!

Yes, I'd go with Dollit and print out your intro message and take it to your gp. Alternatrively you could hand write something or type it out (I sometimes find that I can be more honest about something if I type it - something to do with the speed of typing compared to writing I think) anyway... whatever feels most comfortable for you, and take that to your gp. That should get a more helpful response.

How do you think your b/f would respond to you telling him what you have told us here? There's a chance he may be more supportive of you than you think - and the more support you get the better. Something to think about.

Anyway, you can always count on us for support so do keep in touch!

Take care, Honey, xx
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