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hello :) so... something is just wrong with me

K

keidzhii

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
11
hi there to everyone. so, at first i will say how i feel like : its like not living the moment. you are not together with your breathe, it seems like that all the time you are thinking about something, but actually you are not thinking, it`s like a wall in your mind which you can`t get throught. also i feel like i`m not together with my brain you know, because doing simple tasks are often even hard and annoying and like "something big". I can sit right here in front of computer, read something, but it feels like that information doesnt go till my brain. also last school year was horrible, because i can sit, listen, but actually i didnt learn anything, i was doing something ... and i dont know what. Communication skills are awful, i dont know what to say to anyone. also actually reality doesnt look like the way it is, it feels like that i am somewhere else. In last half a month i believe this has started to worry me really much, because i feel bad about my heart. my breathing is not sinchronic, it is fucked up, it feels like actually i am not breathing. Also my heart oftens pumps really fast. When i see someone i say that i should ignore him and continue my way but anyway i always feel like blocked, worried. Went to psychoterapist, sitted there, shee was saying random stuff but i felt like i am listening but not paying any attention. And this is how it has been for like half a year. i also dont remember almost anything of this time, it has been really blurry. Even things dont look real.......

It has been 1 time this year that i have felt peaceful and you know, it was awesome. it lasted for only about 2 minutes. in those 2 minutes i saw things in their real way, i felt like i am smart, i have knowledge, then i finally saw people around me in their true nature, the way they are, i just looked around everyone and told some jokes and everyone laughted. it was so easy to think, to speak, to live.... but then this feeling somehow went away. Also in that moment i observed my breathe and i felt that it is sinchronic and doing it`s thing you know and everything was just so easy and wonderful.

so yeah that would be all for now... how would you diagnose this ? thank you and good luck :)
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
Hey, welcome to the forum. I hope you find it helpful. :welcome:

I like to imagine your '2 minutes' of peace was you getting a sneak preview of the way things will one day be.

All the best. :flowers:
 
K

keidzhii

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
11
thanks for the quick reply :) and yeah ... i KNOW that one day they will be like that. i know that i am strong and i will get out of this, i will do anything to get in that peaceful state, it is beautiful, it is worth to live.
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,527
Hey keidzhii,

:welcome: to the forum.

I recognise everything you described. I have felt like that in the past but fortunately things have got generally much better.

As for diagnosis... sorry but I'm not a doctor (and even if I was, I would have been struck-off by now for diving in the drugs cupboard) :D
 
Onlymebud

Onlymebud

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
185
:hi: mate and :welcome:

I can relate to a lot of what you've said but i hope you can appreciate that were not in a position to offer you a diagnosis.

You will find it useful here i'm sure though, its helped me no end been able to talk with people who actually can relate to how i feel.

Hope you enjoy your stay (y) :hug:
 
K

keidzhii

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2009
Messages
11
i`m really interested in if someone else has a feeling that they are living without their minds... like watching, hearing and parararam without their minds.. hope you understand. also how is this thing usually diagnosed? depression or anxiety or what? really searching for some help because my therapist thinks that it is depression and soon i will be taking some medication. i`m quite afraid of this because i`m not sure about myself. hope you understand. i would describe this feeling as a fucking with your mind... but after those 2 wonderful minutes i know that normal people feel like their mind... like themselves... like their mind has taken their bodies.
 
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