Hello! Relationship Bipolar...?

[marnie]

Hey, I'm new here, and have been wondering how to ask for help/advice on an ongoing issue.

I’ve previously struggled with general anxiety and overthinking, and have wondered if I have a mild form of bipolar but never been officially diagnosed.

Basically, I’m constantly confused about my relationship. It’s like I have ‘relationship-bipolar’ – is that a real thing?

I’m 29, and have been with my boyfriend (he’s 34) for just over 1 year now. I sometimes feel I love him, and sometimes I don’t – which is already troubling in my mind. He loves me very much, he continuously expresses how he wants a future with me, can’t wait to buy a big house together, get married etc. I sometimes feel on board, and sometimes I don’t.

A bit of background: We broke up about 7 months into the relationship, I ended it because I was having the thoughts that I describe below, so I thought I should act on it, my friends also advised the thoughts were a sign that things weren’t right in the relationship. We split for 3 weeks (over Xmas!) and I missed him so much, and felt I’d made the wrong decision. So we got back together in Jan this year and things have been good since, I’ve spent lockdown at his place. But now I’m starting to get back the old thoughts coming into my mind, which are described below…

The issue: I’m in a continuous battle of thoughts that ‘this is great and I can really see a future with him’ and ‘I definitely cannot see a future with him, and this will/needs to end’. I have visions in my mind of us staying together and being married, then getting divorced in the future, and how I’ll look back to now and say to myself ‘you always knew it wouldn’t last, why didn’t you just end it back then?’.

I know how crazy it sounds, it’s so confusing and frustrating. But these thoughts have become daily at the moment. I’m even waking up in the night wondering how I’ll get out of the relationship, which makes me feel like an awful person as he has done nothing wrong.

Nothing has changed in the relationship, just my thoughts about it.

I can’t tell if I’m having these thoughts because the relationship isn’t right or because I have some sort of bipolar / relationship anxiety.

Has anyone ever experienced anything similar? Or is the answer clear to an outside person reading what I describe? I’m too afraid to tell my friends this time as they advised me last time it wasn’t right and I acted on that (broke up with him) but then we got back together.

Any advice or thoughts much appreciated.

Thanks,
Marnie

 

[JessisMe]

Hi Marnie and welcome to the forums!

I’m sorry to hear that you are so torn in your current relationship. It sounds like simple indecision caused by anxiety. Bipolar is about experiencing hypomanic or manic episodes where you have a ton of energy, do many projects, have delusions of grandeur, spend lots or money, become hypersexual, extremely confident and social and symptoms like that. This period is then followed by a period of crushing depression, thus the term bipolar. It is more about the presence of mania/hypomania juxtaposed against depression than it is about waivering back and forth about something in your mind. I can understand why you would waiver because these steps are big steps to be taking and you want to make sure they are right for you. Think it through, listen to your intuition and follow your heart. xo, j