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Hello newbie here

B

Ben35

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Uk
Hi, I'm Ben.

I am from Devon in the UK.
I am in need of some advice and support. My long term fiance developed bipolar in 2016 and left me. We were on off for 18 months but it didn't work out. She contacts me around twice a year, usually April or May time and again October or November. When she contacts me it's usually about getting back together. Sometimes it's only a fleeting thought of hers but others it's full on. She lives alone and doesn't always get the support she needs.
It totally destroyed me when we broke up as there was no warning and iv finally managed to put my life back together. I will always care for her but iv met someone else. I'm scared it may tip her over the edge if I tell her. Please help
 
T

Tjc93

Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Doncaster
Hi Ben
Try not to be scared. Mental health is a very complex condition and not one person experiences the same symptoms. It's sad that you have to go through this and I can imagine it's causing you some anxiety having met someone else and also expecting your ex partner getting into contact with you. Firstly, be honest about her mental health to your new partner and explain that she may be in contact with you soon so that this isn't a shock to her. Secondly, if your ex partner does contact you, just try small replies, try not to get into a conversation, keep them short and sweet and wish her well. Don't be anxious about the future and something that may not happen. You also need to remember that she will be aware its been 5 years since your break up and that you have moved on with your life since your break up. Try to keep your chin up and deal with the situation as it arises, you never know, it may not happen. I wish you well 😊
 
B

Ben35

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Uk
Hi Ben
Try not to be scared. Mental health is a very complex condition and not one person experiences the same symptoms. It's sad that you have to go through this and I can imagine it's causing you some anxiety having met someone else and also expecting your ex partner getting into contact with you. Firstly, be honest about her mental health to your new partner and explain that she may be in contact with you soon so that this isn't a shock to her. Secondly, if your ex partner does contact you, just try small replies, try not to get into a conversation, keep them short and sweet and wish her well. Don't be anxious about the future and something that may not happen. You also need to remember that she will be aware its been 5 years since your break up and that you have moved on with your life since your break up. Try to keep your chin up and deal with the situation as it arises, you never know, it may not happen. I wish you well 😊
Hello. Thanks for the reply.

Yes she has been in contact today. 11 texts in an hour. Very full on and wanting to meet up etc. I last spoke to her in January and she was so well it was great to see. Now I fear she maybe off her meds from what she was saying and by the ever continued pattern. I feel like I can't move on with my life. I feel nasty for saying that as we were together for 11 years and were 1st loves. 😢
 
T

Tjc93

Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Doncaster
Hello. Thanks for the reply.

Yes she has been in contact today. 11 texts in an hour. Very full on and wanting to meet up etc. I last spoke to her in January and she was so well it was great to see. Now I fear she maybe off her meds from what she was saying and by the ever continued pattern. I feel like I can't move on with my life. I feel nasty for saying that as we were together for 11 years and were 1st loves. 😢
Oh I understand it must be so so difficult for you. Especially as she has already been in contact. She may have come off her meds because she may feel well in herself, but that will be because her medication is working. It may take her to hit rock bottom again for her to go back on her medication. It isn't healthy to be on and off her medication it causes alot of instability in the brain. I know it must be hard for you and its easy for me to sit here writing this when I'm not in your situation, but I would suggest you need to be cruel to be kind and just try to make her understand that you don't want to get into conversation with hher. I don't doubt for one second that you feel pain still about this whole situation, even when you're not together, you still have an element of care within you, but you're human, so that is normal. Is there any of her family you could maybe reach out to that could check in with her? They may be able to help her out a little? Check she is on her medications still etc? That may help the situation a little?
 
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