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Hello, looking for some support and advice

W

WorriedSis

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Aug 29, 2013
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I am new to the forum, I hate to burden anyone when I am sure you have your own worries and concerns to deal with but I am seriously concerned about my sister and her daughter and don't really know what to do.

I will try and keep the story short as possible.

Five years ago my sister had a baby, within six months she told us she had to move away and change her identity because the father was a psycho and he was dangerous. All of this was news to us. He was an alcoholic and she had been going through a recovery programme with him and had found God through this.

She moved away to a secret location but we eventually were in touch with her and tried to support her in every way we could. As time went on she began to spend more and more time reading into conspiracy theories and UFOS, ghosts, demons and spirits etc. She began talking more and more about how God spoke to her and told her about the evil in the world. She began talking about corruption and greed etc etc. It got to the point where I could no longer have conversations with her despite being very close in the past because everything turned into an argument if I disagreed with any of her views. I am a Historian and she loves telling me how everything I believe in is a lie despite the evidence for it. I distanced myself from her but my mum won't because of her daughter. My sister since has reestablished contact with the father of her child and lets her daughter see him regularly.

Lately her ranting has become worse, she asked my mum to look after her daughter for the summer so she could "do God's work" and has seemed reluctant to take her back. She also believes a woman has put a curse on her house and needs to cleanse it of demons. The time has come for her daughter to be returned to her, she is five now and going to be starting school soon. I am worried that something terrible might happen.

Do these seem like signs of mental breakdown or paranoid schizophrenia? Does anyone have any advice or has experienced similar situations with family members?

Sorry for the long story, I hope someone can help me and my mum, we are very worried!

Thanks for listening :)
 
BlueGlass

BlueGlass

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Hey, you sound like a great sister, I don't have any experience in this area, but she sound like she needs help.

xxx
 
S

Skeeter

Guest
That must all be very very tough for you and your mum, as well as for your sister (and her daughter). It could be a number of things of course and I think it might be important that she sees someone professional. Have you ever discussed with her, that it may not be real? And if so, how does she react to that? Is she completely convinced about her theories or does she occasionally realise it might be far-fetched?
Perhaps you could see your GP and explain the situation, they might be able to advise you on what is best to do. Does your sister live near you now?
Things might get really tough if she needs to be convinced to get help, but I think it is vital for her daughter as well as for her.
Hopefully some other people on the forum can help you more, if they have been through similar situations. You might find it helpful to post in a different subforum, more specific to your question, as more people might read there than in the introduction area.
I hope you'll get some good advice and I wish you the best of luck. Your sister is lucky to have you and your mum and I hope you can help her to get better.
 

cpuusage

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As time went on she began to spend more and more time reading into conspiracy theories and UFOS, ghosts, demons and spirits etc. She began talking more and more about how God spoke to her and told her about the evil in the world. She began talking about corruption and greed etc etc. It got to the point where I could no longer have conversations with her despite being very close in the past because everything turned into an argument if I disagreed with any of her views. I am a Historian and she loves telling me how everything I believe in is a lie despite the evidence for it. I distanced myself from her but my mum won't because of her daughter. My sister since has reestablished contact with the father of her child and lets her daughter see him regularly.
Would think that things need separating out. There is nothing wrong per say in looking into alternative history/spirituality & conspiracy, & a lot of people do, but it does depend on context. Would think that the primary issues revolve around addiction & relationships. There may be some kind of 'psychotic disorder', but if there is, how is it best approached? A potential section &/or label & drugs? Thing is that doesn't really resolve anything. It's hard to get more of an idea with knowing so little about the entire situation.
 
T

Taff

Guest
hi there worried Sis, that sounds pretty scary for you.
I hope we can give you some support here. There are lots of perspectives, so see what suits you, and the situation
Can I ask, are you in the UK? Its ok if you would rather not say. Just so that we can try and make our responses a bit more specific if needed.:)
Also would you know if she has become involved maybe a bit too much, in say, a "religious" group more of a cult type perhaps. Its just that she has spent the summer doing"gods work"that concerns me ?
We are just people here with our own struggles, so we cant diagnose or anything, but can do our best to suggest things or support.
All good wishes
Taff x
 
W

WorriedSis

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Thank you everyone for your replies and advice and warm welcome.

I am in the UK yes but unfortunately my sister and her daughter now live at the other end of the country to me and our mum. I feel very torn because my sister has always had a very volatile temper and I have been afraid to confront her or raise my concerns as a result of it, even over the phone I am pretty frightened of her moods. I am also aware that she suffers from a great deal of paranoia and if she somehow gets the impression that we are talking about her behind her back she might think we are plotting against her and do something extreme like move again and not tell us where she is going which will frighten us even more. I thought about going to see my GP to ask their advice or maybe phoning the local GP where she lives and trying to explain the situation but it is so complex I'm not sure they'd listen to it all!

My sister definitely has issues with addiction. Our birth father is an alcoholic and she took the breakdown of our parents' marriage as a result of it really badly. I think she blamed herself or something because every adult relationship she had was with a man who had some sort of addiction and she tried to "fix them".

I accept that people have different theories and perspectives on things and I don't mind it at all but it is her fixation on these ideas that frightens me. I have more than once thought she may join a cult or worse, harm herself or her child or both. I know it may seem like I'm being dramatic but I don't want her to be one of these cases we read about on the news where she does something extreme to "save" her child from the apocalypse which she seems convinced is coming.

I don't want to make a wrong move with her and her daughter's well being in the balance but I do think she is ill and needs our help even if she doesn't want it. I love her and would never forgive myself if I did nothing and this worsened.

Sorry for the long responses and thank you all again for your time! I will hunt through the forums to try and find an appropriate one. I thought about putting this in the Carers forum but wasn't sure if that was the right place.
 
T

Taff

Guest
This is a real difficult one for you, I understand what you are saying.
I don't think your GP would advise to be honest, and your sisters GP wouldn't necessarily talk to you about her health.

If there wasn't a child involved then, just my view, I would say there is not much to be done if she isn't a danger to herself or others, people have different lifestyles and at some point need to be responsible.

However, theres a child involved and I understand how you feel. I think also that my reply is a bit influenced by the fact that my own relationship with my mum many years ago was not good.

Can I suggest that you or the grandparents take advice from MIND
here is their link

I'm worried about someone else - Mind

If you are worried about the safety of a child, then the NSPCC can advise and you can talk to them in confidence.
The issue here, is once you flag it up with them, they are obliged to follow this through and make enquiries, if you have expressed concern for the welfare of the child.

Personally, I would speak to them rather than get involved with social services in your sisters area.
Again that's just my view. Here's the link

Worried about a child? | Help and advice | NSPCC

Have a look at these two sites for starters and maybe give someone a call if you find them helpful.
Keep talking to us also if its helpful xx:)
Love
Taff xxx
 
Last edited:
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

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Hey I missed this thread

Welcome to the forums :)

Ally xx
 
W

WorriedSis

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Hello again everyone.

I would like to thank you all again for your advice. Since the last time I posted things have dramatically worsened with my sister. The last time I saw her was at Christmas time, she had by that point, completely immersed herself in doing God's work as she called it. She was writing books and doing lots of charity work which is all very admirable but as before, at the expense of spending quality time with her daughter. Things reached a breaking point around the beginning of July when my sister phoned my mum and said that her daughter had been sexually assaulted at school. Of course my mother was horrified and asked for more details. My sister made some very serious allegations about some boys at the school (the same age as her daughter) and claimed she had forensic evidence on a cardigan that an assault had taken place. She pulled her daughter out of school but refused to cooperate with the school due to what she calls "The Dark Siders" who would prevent proper justice from taking place. My mum was obviously very distressed and urged my sister to go through the proper channels in reporting this. My sister went to the police and this is where things began to go wrong. Despite the forensics proving her wrong, she maintained that this assault had happened. When I raised the possibility that there could potentially be another explanation for it on the phone she screamed at me for about 20 minutes, preventing me from speaking. When I stayed calm, she accused me of patronising her so I gave up as I was too upset.

Since then social services intervened and placed her daughter in my mother's care. My sister now believes we (my mother and I) are trying to destroy her life and we have manipulated facts to make her seem ill when she is not. She blames us and refuses all contact with us. I have tried phoning, texting and emailing to tell her I love her and want to support her. All I usually get back is about three pages of completely irrational arguments about how we have abandoned her and betrayed her and I should worry about my own issues instead of making up lies and judging her. Social services have now washed their hands of the situation and the mental health support team where she lives say there is nothing they can do because she is not a danger to anyone else.

I feel that my mum needs some support as this has put a great deal of stress on her and she is trying to keep it all together for the sake of the little one. Do any of you know if there are support groups that my mum could attend in the UK? I phone her every day to reassure her that she did the right thing and try to keep her calm but I feel she needs some more support in addition.

I hope you have all been well since I was last here, sorry to ask for more advice but I don't know where else to turn.

Thanks,

Em x
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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hi Em, so sorry to hear things have gotten worse with your sister, what's happened sounds dreadfully stressful for all of you. I can imagine your sister must be very upset about what has happened too and that might be why she is so angry, but it must be horrible for you and your mum too. Is your sister able to see her daughter at all?

I think places like Rethink run support groups for carers, you or your mum might want to give them a ring and see if they can help

Rethink.org | Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder & Other Mental Illness Help & Information - Rethink Mental Illness, the mental health charity

Really hope things improve for you all. xx
 
coldwater00

coldwater00

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It sort of does sound like she is a danger (in a way) to others though? If she is making serious allegations about her child being sexually abused, (without evidence) and her daughter has been removed due to her being unable to care for her, there must be concerns about her ability to keep her own daughter safe?

I think if you are concerned for her state of mind, you need to be aware of the possible consequences of getting people to intervene in her mental health. Weigh up the positives and negatives. However, it's not a guarantee that things will change, as she is an adult, and unless she seeks help herself people cannot intervene especially as she is presumably unknown to MH services.

The options are fairly limited unless you could devise a way to get her forcibly assessed under the mental health act. I don't think that she would forgive you for that though, and it could make things worse. Nobody wants to be a mental patient, especially one with schizophrenia because the treatments are not pleasant. (I know). So think long and hard about this.

All the best.
 
W

WorriedSis

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Thank you to you both for your advice. My sister will no longer have any contact with me since she believes I don't support her. She has cut off all ties with the family and now only talks to us via her friends which is very sad. I don't see that we will ever get a solution and it's heartbreaking to listen to her daughter cry every day for her mum. I wish there was a guide to supporting family members with mental health issues. I can't even begin to understand how awful this is for her. I just wish she would appease social services and seek treatment if only to get her child back :(

Thank you for the suggestion Toasted Crumpet. Very useful information :)
 
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